


This bond between Us

by lizzie_pj



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Baxley, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-06-07 23:04:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 51,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6828739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizzie_pj/pseuds/lizzie_pj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU/ modern in which Thomas and Phyllis are friends who work for the same newspaper. Old acquaintances and an OC will appear at work. Will the right one for Thomas be among them or will it be just friendship for him in the end? And will love blossom between Phyllis and her new neighbor who has the habit of talking to his balcony flowers?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. in which love is discussed

**Author's Note:**

> Plot synopsis:  
> Thomas and Phyllis have known each other since forever. After growing up together in a small town and having to face prejudice together more than once they lost contact in their twenties. Years later, they meet by chance in London where Thomas is now a journalist. He gets Phyllis, who after her recent divorce is looking for a fresh start, a job in the same newspaper agency and their old friendship is renewed.  
> Love has not been kind on either of them in the past. But will they both find happiness finally, now with a friend on their side?  
> Romance might blossom or it might not. Or maybe just for one of them – I don't like to give it all away just yet. There will definitely be a bit of Baxley. If it develops into something more I'm not sure.
> 
> Disclaimer:  
> Of course, I don't own the DA characters. If I did, I wouldn't be sitting here writing this.  
> I don't even own Phyllis' nickname which has been borrowed from another author from another website.
> 
> I have totally made up the name of the newspapers. If a newspaper called „The Weekly Inquirer" does indeed exist, my apologies. Any resemblance is purely accidental. Same goes for „Sports Tribune".  
> This is my first try at a story in English, which is not my native language, and I do not have a Beta. So please excuse any mistakes and feel free to give me a hint if I make too many.
> 
> Now, off I go.

Thomas and Phyllis were on their bikes riding their way home after work. It was well after hours and it was raining but they didn't mind. 

The rain, Bax always said, cleared their minds of anything work-related. Thomas thought, how right she was. Getting home together had already become a daily ritual for them, and it really was relaxing in so many ways. He felt as if all his thoughts of articles and commentaries were flying further away from his mind with every mile that he drove. Never would he come closer to feeling carefree than around Phyllis, of that he was sure. Well, maybe, just maybe there was indeed another person he could feel at ease around. But of that he wasn't sure yet and he didn't want to get his hopes too high – not when he knew from first hand experience how terrible things could end for people like him.

Thomas was so deep in thought that he hadn't even noticed the thoughtful sideways glance his friend was giving him when they came to a halt at the traffic lights. But as always, she seemed to hit the nail right on the spot when she spoke to him. 

 

„So, what's going on between you and that new intern? What's his name?“ She inquired, and he was amazed for a moment or two at how easily she could read his mind.

„Richard. His name's Richard. What do you care?“ he snapped in an attempt to stop her from poking further into his personal stuff. He knew she meant well but sometimes he just couldn't jump his own shadow, even with her.

„Why won't you let me be fond of you?“ Bax softly asked, completely ignoring his exasperated tone. But the look she gave him, big eyes and the hint of a pout, made sure he knew that this could get very emotional now if he wasn't careful.

„Because you don't tell me about your sex life, either.“ He simply said. Now they were in the game again. Teasing each other up to the point where neither of them remembered if they were joking or not.

„Oh, you mean the one that is non-existent.“ 

The retort sobered him up a little and he replied without even a hint of a joke in his mind. „That's only because you want it to be, Bax. You know you could have it all with Joe from next door if you only just let yourself.“

She sighed and rolled her eyes at him before she turned serious again. „We both know that's not true, so drop it already and tell me about Richard.“ Then added, in a more casual tone „When did the focus of this conversation turn towards me, anyway?“

By that time, the lights had turned green again for them.

But of course, they were bound to continue that conversation soon after. She had dragged him into one of those coffee shops that kept popping up at every other corner and disappeared just as rapidly. How he hated those places.  
But Bax loved these small cafes, especially the one that had opened up a few weeks ago just at the corner of their block. So he admitted defeat, obviously, and found himself sitting in front of some fancy Latte Whatever telling his best friend about his latest crush just a few minutes later.

Richard had only been at The Weekly Inquirer for a week and had already managed to catch Thomas' full attention. In fact, Thomas had been smitten with the 22-year-old university intern from the moment he had laid eyes on him which didn't make things any easier. Neither did the fact that Richard was assigned to assist Thomas with his latest sports column.

Thomas knew he had to be extremely careful if he didn't want everybody to find out about him. Of course, a handful of the closer colleagues knew from the rare occasion that he did socialize after work. The Carson's knew as well as Andy whom he'd been working with a lot during the last year when the young man had been the new addition to the editorial staff.  
And Bax knew, naturally. In fact, she had known about his true self for so long that he couldn't imagine a universe in which she didn't. And though he was sure he wouldn't admit it even if his life depended on it, he was thankful that, in spite of everything, he still had her. If it hadn't been for her he would have no one to listen to his ramblings about Richard being much too young and probably not even swinging that way. Without Bax, who sat across him quietly, occasionally nodding her head in agreement and encouragingly patting his hand every now and then, he would have most likely ended up drunk in some shabby pub where he'd spent too much money on poor-quality alcohol. So he attempted a smile. She deserved as much.


	2. in which two friends meet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second chapter, now. It's set a few months before the first one because I'd like to build the story up now for a bit until it comes back to the first chapter. So, in the following chapters I would like to dig a little deeper into how Thomas and Bax became colleagues and if Thomas is right assuming that Bax could "have it all" with Joseph.  
> It might be a little confusing for now, but I hope I can shed some light soon enough. 
> 
> Now, off I go.

a few months earlier:

 

It had been one of those days. One of those awful days when everything seemed to go wrong. A whole month of work had been completely useless, Thomas admitted in defeat. Just before he had been about to call it a day the head editor had informed him of the fact that somehow another newspaper had found out about what should have become their exclusive story. No, he mentally corrected himself, his exclusive story. 

 

Carson had been so fuming that Thomas was sure for a moment, he would spit fire when he audibly snorted in a strain of exasperation.  
Of course, his boss would be mad. He, himself, was just as infuriated by the fact that everything he had been working for should have been in vain now. And by the fact that he couldn't even blame someone else as he was the only person who had had all the relevant information. Although this made him even more agitated inside he kept his usual cool facade and quickly scanned his mind for anything that could prevent Carson from seeing him as the traitor.

„ You know, I wasn't the only person that knew about the story..“ He said in a low voice that sounded like he was about to reveal a conspiracy. 

Charlie Carson just gave him a confused look so he added with a little more emphasis, that Andy the new editorial assistant was just as involved as Thomas was. 

„And what do we know about him? All I know is that this here is supposedly his first job in the business. But who can say, really? It's not exactly a secret that Sports Tribune tends to play foul, maybe they recruit young professionals now to spy for them.“ 

Carson was not yet fully convinced. „So, you're accusing Mr. Parker of treason?“

„Not necessarily, but I'm just saying.“ Thomas replied with a casual shrug.

True, it wasn't completely fair towards the young, ambitious man who had been nothing but kind towards him. But Thomas didn't mind too much. He was just glad that he was out of Carson's line of fire for the moment.  
He had never really bothered to make any friends at work and he definitely saw no sense in starting now. Especially not with a guy like Andy who was too honest to even write a lie in an article – not to mention telling one or even get into scheming against the others together.

 

So, there he was, alone on a Friday night and entering a pub that wasn't even filled to half with people. Finding such a place in a city like London hadn't been an easy task and he cherished for a second how quiet it was in here. Even the slightly depressing music that played from the radio reflected his mood. 

He knew he should hate it to be all by himself on a weekend night but he didn't. Today, he quite liked not having to talk to anyone. The Mason's Jar, or Beryl's place as he called it, was the perfect location for silent sulking and getting wasted. He was sulking when he walked in and slouched himself on one of the stools at the bar. 

Daisy, who was handling the bar that night, must have noticed his current mood. She had silently shoved a glass of whisky under his nose, accompanied by an encouraging smile when he looked up, startled.

Out of the corner of his eye Thomas recognized Daisy's father-in-law, who was also Beryl's husband, animatedly talking to a customer. Thomas knew that friendliness came natural to Mr. Mason so he didn't pay them any mind and instead turned back to his drink. 

He drowned the whisky in one sip and was about to order a refill when the clear, hearty laugh of the woman at the far end of the bar interrupted his brooding. He could bear Mr. Mason's chattering, if only just barely, but that was just too much. Wasn't a man allowed to drink in silence?

Thomas tried to stare the woman down who had disturbed him but that turned out to be an impossible task because she was sitting with her back to him. Se was leaning over the counter, probably to listen closer to Mr. Mason's words. „As if he has something of importance to say“, Thomas silently moaned to himself.

Still, he kept watching the woman. Her slight movements with which her hand graced her glass seemed familiar though he couldn't quiet put a finger to it. She had a nice figure, he had to admit, and if he had been into women that way he would most likely have found her rather attractive. She wore a dark grey summer dress that was flowing around her ankles combined with a rather fitting black leather jacket and matching biker boots. And suddenly he felt extremely underdressed in his worn jeans and dark grey jumper.

Fortunately, there wasn't much time to contemplate that any further because the woman must have felt his stare and was now turning her attention towards him.

„Damn“, he thought, „was it too late to turn away and pretend he hadn't be annoyed by her cheerful mood?“ just as she turned to speak to him. 

„I'm really sorry if I'm a bother to you.“ He tried to make out a hint of sarcasm in her voice but there was none. And while she obviously couldn't quite make out his features because of the dim glow of the bar lamps, she was sitting right in the spotlight. And his sheepish look of having been caught turned into a lopsided grin. How didn't he recognize her earlier?

Apparently, the penny had dropped for her now, too. „My my, if it isn't Thomas Barrow? What a surprise.“ Bax grinned.

Daisy had, in the meantime, refilled his glass which was standing forgotten on the counter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. A review would be appriciated.  
> \- lizzie


	3. in which things are not as easy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has given me quite some trouble, I admit. I do tend to have problems with conversation and this one has left me frustrated once or twice. But it was needed for the story to go on, so yeah...
> 
> I hope it still conveys a bit of the relationship between the two (former) friends as well as the funny feeling one gets when meeting an old friend with whom you have lost touch. Oh, and a hint of backstory.
> 
> Now, off I go.

„And what a nice one! Haven't seen you in ages.“

The sulky, slightly accusing tone of his voice aroused a feeling of guilt in her. „It's true, I've been a bit out of the picture recently.“ She repentantly admitted.

„And the price for the understatement of the year goes to Phyllis Baxter.“ So Thomas hadn't lost any of his cheek, still as sarcastic as always, Phyllis thought before she heard that dreaded question.

„Honestly, where have you been, Bax? You had completely fallen off the face of the earth, no one heard anything about you for like the last 5 years.“

Thomas must be terribly disappointed in her as a friend. When they had been younger, they had made a promise always to be there for each other. But she had let him down, she hadn't been there. She didn't even know if he might have needed her, because she hadn't cared. Instead she had allowed herself to forget everything that linked her to her old life. Or rather, had allowed herself to be tricked into isolation from everyone she cared about.  
In hindsight, she couldn't even say that it had been worth it, because it hadn't. It hadn't been worth anything at all, leaving everything behind and abandon her friends for that one single person.

Peter.

In her mind, she spat his name full of hatred and disgust, but in reality he still had a hold over her. Even after everything that had happened in those last few months he was still the reason she sat here tonight, getting drunk. Because of him she was awfully ashamed, even in front of her oldest friend. Because of him she didn't mind if she drank too much and got completely wasted. Because his words were engraved in her brain: She wasn't worth anything.

Even though that thought had crossed her mind less and less frequent recently, it was still buried in the back of her head from where it surfaced in sentimental moments like now. Things would be alright as long as she didn't allow herself to be completely overwhelmed by the fact that Peter was the reason her life had taken a turn for the worst up to the point that it was now in ruins.  
She could live with putting on that mask of carelessness in front of others. It seemed to work out just fine, none of her acquaintances or Peter's colleagues had ever noticed that something was off. Or if they had, they had thought it best not to mention it. Maybe, it would work with Thomas, too. Maybe the years they had spent apart had diminished his ability to sense whenever something was wrong.

Phyllis opened her mouth, searching for the right words to sound casual.

„I am sorry.“ Great, wasn't it ironic that the moment she wanted to shield herself as much as possible, three simple words did the exact opposite? She had said them in such simplicity that there was no doubt about her honesty. Still, it was no explanation, no answer to Thomas' question.

Of course, she wouldn't tell whatever bothered her right away. Thomas remembered that Bax had always been a private person, always rather reluctant when it came to sharing personal stuff. Not so much around him, however. The two of them went way back, still it looked like the years had only served for her to retreat into seclusion even further. Pushing her now would make matters worse, he recalled. Maybe a lighter mood could help bringing down the barriers.

„I'm gonna forgive you, you know, if you tell me that the reason you had been too busy to keep in touch is that you now have one of those perfect little families they always show us on the telly. And your husband, who is a successful lawyer or doctor or something is babysitting your two small children right now because he wants his wife to enjoy herself, too“, He light-heartedly joked.

During his little speech Thomas could see Phyllis' neutral expression turn into a frown first and then into a troubled, almost regretful look within seconds.  
Well done, Barrow! He reprimanded himself silently. Being the reason that the atmosphere had changed from a kind of neutral mood to her moving further into the shell in no time at all was a low, even for him. How did he manage to do it, always messing things up?

It wasn't as if he was being mean towards others on purpose, it just came with his snappy, often sullen behaviour and overall attitude. People seemed to get distracted by him at best and offended at worst. He just wasn't a generally happy person, so why pretend?

He noticed that Phyllis studied his face for some time, and realised that her reaction to his effort to lighten the mood wasn't what he had expected. It had obviously unnerved him and in some way led him to believe he'd done something wrong. When had things become so fragile between them?

„I am sorry.“ She repeated her words from earlier looking at him in an uncertain way and it underlined the tense atmosphere. „But if that's what you expected then I have to disappoint you. No husband, no kids. Actually, at this point I'm further away from both than I ever was before.“

There was a finality in her words which made Thomas wonder if there was more to it than Bax was showing. He didn't remember her as a person who would easily give up. It didn't need a genius to sense that something was off and he wanted to get to the bottom of it. Maybe just not tonight. Maybe it was too much for a first encounter, maybe a pub with a nosy tenant behind the bar wasn't the right place, either.

The look on his face must have given the silent question away, because Bax continued, „I will tell you, Thomas, I will. Just not tonight.“ So, it was still there, that connection they always have had, of thinking the same things. „Perhaps we could meet for coffee sometime? You call me whenever you're free.“

With the hint of a smile she stood up and handed him a piece of paper with her phone number written down in that scribbly handwriting of hers that he remembered so well. At least one thing that hadn't changed. Before she left she turned around again „It was nice, seeing you again.“

Thomas couldn't bring himself to formulate a reply so he grinned at her when she turned and left. Yes, it was nice seeing her again. Strange and a tad complicated but nice all the same.  
He would definitely call her, of that he was sure. After all, her appearance alone had made him forget for a moment that he had set his mind up to being sulky all evening. He hadn't forgotten the pent-up situation at work of course, but suddenly it wasn't worth getting drunk over, anymore. So, he drowned his third glass of Whisky, tossed some coins for his drinks on the counter and left the Mason's Jar.


	4. in which flowers get drowned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If DA belonged to me, I wouldn't be writing here.

Thomas had walked home that night with mixed emotions. On the one hand, he was still mad about the situation at work. His efforts all had been redundant and it nagged him that he didn't know how the information had gotten into the wrong hands. He knew that it hadn't been himself and he would have sworn that Andy wasn't someone who would do such a thing. Andy wasn't like him in that regard. Him, who would have easily betrayed others at the prospect of a good reward.

His other thoughts were directed at Bax. Phyllis, he corrected himself. She would probably go by her given name, now.  
It had been such a strange encounter at the pub, he reflected. The special connection between them had still been there, which was remarkable after so many years. But his friend had changed. That in itself wasn't a surprise. What was a surprise though, was that Thomas would have bet that by now Bax would be successful in whatever profession she had chosen for herself, and married with children. At least, that had been her dream when they were young and Bax had that strive in her that made her achieve everything she set her mind to. Thomas asked himself if her plans had changed or if something happened that put them on ice. If her reaction to what was supposed to be his funny remark was any indication, he supposed it was the latter. During their short conversation she had that sad delicateness about her that had irritated him. She had always been a private person who didn't easily open up but never fragile, broken almost.

Thomas decided to leave his musings for another time. He was too tired, anyway, so he just went to bed.

-

Phyllis had been busy almost the whole weekend with decorating her new home. She had moved into the one-bedroom apartment in rather a hurry not even two weeks ago and everything had still looked unfinished. Now only a few boxes were still waiting to be unpacked but most of her items had found their designated places in the new environment.  
At first, she had felt lost in a flat that was completely her own, in which she could decide where to put everything, like the old photographs that had been hidden in the bottom drawer of her night table for so long. Everything was her responsibility now. Finally, she would get to put up the little wooden side-table that had once belonged to her late mother. It had been one of the few things she had insisted on taking with her from Peter's house in Manchester. Or rather from his basement because that was where the table had been stored immediately after she had moved in with him. He didn't like it, he had told her, because of the childlike carvings at one side of the table. He didn't know their meaning, nor did he care.

When she had been 8 or 9 years old Phyllis had heard of the custom of young lovers carving their initials into wood because it was supposed to make the love permanent. When she'd gotten home that say she was determined to do something of that sort, too. But instead of a tree she chose her mother's old wooden table. Her mother had been furious when she noticed the letters T and B carved in on the side of her beloved table. It only took her to calm down until Phyllis told her, unimpressed and clearly proud of her doing, that the T was for Thomas, of course, and the B stood for Bax, the nickname her friend had given her. The end to the story was that her mother liked the table even more because it now had something personal about it.

It was no wonder that Phyllis had always been fond of the table. But Peter had said that it wouldn't fit to the rest of the furniture and he had been right.

Reminiscing will get you nowhere, she scolded herself and sighed audibly. Looking around the room made her feel happy. She had done that all by herself, and for herself more importantly. It wasn't heaven but it was a step in the right direction.  
The weather seemed to reflect her current mood, Phyllis realised when the afternoon sun was shining through her living room window.  
That morning, she had visited the market a few blocks down the road and bought some flowers for her little balcony. They were still waiting to be potted and even though a part of her told her that she was worn out and would do best to just sit down and enjoy the sun, another part of her was too eager to get it all done today. The internal battle was a short one and Phyllis decided that she could just as well plant the flowers and enjoy the sun at the same time.

By the time she finished the sun had almost disappeared for the evening but it was still comfortably warm so Phyllis stopped in her tracks for a moment and let the quiet of her surroundings sink in. Not so long ago she would have awaited the unmistakable rattle of keys against the door lock around this time of the day that announced Peter's arrival. And the beginning of yet another night of...no! She wouldn't think of that again. The sound was still in her head but she would never have to hear it again in real.

Instead, a murmured voice reached her ears. She couldn't make out the words so she thought that it might be only people passing by on the street or maybe even someone on the floor beneath her. But then she noticed that there was no reply and that the sound was coming from behind her.  
When Phyllis turned around she spotted a middle-aged man standing on the balcony from next door. He looked weird-ish but rather funny than scary in his worn yellow straw hat, which covered what looked like slightly balding hair, and matching yellow rubber gloves. He was watering his plants and obviously talking to them.

He looked up and spotted her standing there when he heard her soft laugh.

„Oh, excuse me. I didn't think anyone would be at home. The couple downstairs is usually still out at this time and I hadn't noticed that someone had moved in already next door.“ Her tried to explain himself and blushed terribly around the ears. At least he was embarrassed by his antics.

„Well, I evidently have. Moved in already, I mean. Actually, I spent most of the weekend getting settled, moving furniture and stuff, so I'm surprised you haven't heard anything.“

„I was at the library almost all of yesterday, working and grading papers. I teach at the local school, you know.“ Of course, she doesn't know, Molesley you idiot, he reprimanded himself. Why did he have to be so irritating all the time? In an attempt to limit the embarrassment he added with a shy, one-sided smile. „And I don't always talk to my flowers.“

„Oh, please don't mind me!“ Phyllis had blurted out before she even had time to think about what she should reply to his words. It surprised her because under normal circumstances she would have found anyone who was talking to their flowers extremely odd. And he was odd, definitely. His hat and the gloves just screamed it, still she couldn't help but grin and not care. So, what if he was a bit foolish? He appeared normal enough. Well, apart from the fact that right now he didn't notice how he kept holding his watering can at an angle that it almost drowned one of his plants instead of just watering it, all because he was too busy staring funnily at her.

When the water dripped on his feet and he almost fell over in an attempt to jump away from the pouring water. Phyllis was at the verge of a laughing fit but pulled herself together half-heartedly because she didn't want to embarrass him even further.

„You'd better take care of that rose“, she said, „I do hope she's a good swimmer. And have a nice evening, Mr. - ?“ She questioningly added.

„Oh, so s-sorry, I should have introduced myself first. I'm so clumsy sometimes. It's M-Molesley, Joe Molesley.“ How he managed to stumble over his own name was a miracle to him. He was such a ninny.

„Well then, good evening to you, Mr. Molesley.“ She smoothly replied, then retreated back into her apartment, closing the door behind her.

After he heard the click of the closing door, Joe stood there a few moments longer, trying to remember every detail of their conversation. He wanted to make sure he knew how many times he had made a fool of himself during that encounter. He would never get a woman to like him if he couldn't manage to hold a normal conversation without ridiculing himself completely. It hadn't even crossed his mind to ask for her name.

Little did he know that Phyllis was leaning with her back against the balcony door, thinking of their conversation, too. She had quite enjoyed how her new neighbor hadn't tried to be charming or smooth. Sure, if his behaviour betrayed anything about him then it was that he was more than likely a little dopey. But he was friendly and didn't try to be something else to impress her. Phyllis hadn't met a man like that in a long time. She wasn't sure yet whether she found him more endearing or irritating. Maybe they could meet on the balconies again, Phyllis wouldn't mind. No, she wouldn't mind at all.


	5. in which assistants do make mistakes

„Good morning“, Andy grumbled when Thomas entered their shared office at the agency on Monday morning. Thomas raised an eyebrow – it was well past 10 a.m. already so the term 'morning' was clearly used in a broader sense of its meaning and apparently it wasn't a good one.

He took his time taking a large sip from his coffee cup, before returning the greeting. Andy took this as an invitation to tell him, quiet crestfallen, how Charles Carson had summoned him to his office earlier that day already and questioned him about the stolen information. He also told Thomas how Charles had implied that Andy might have something to do with it and that he'd asked him whether it was him who sold the information.

„Of course, I told him I didn't!“ Andy supported his statement with a frantic shake of his head.

„Of course, you didn't“, Thomas tried to make his answer sound encouraging. But he wasn't totally convinced that Andy was as innocent as he looked. Admittedly, when Thomas had first accused Andy he had done it out of frustration and because he didn't want to be blamed for something that wasn't his doing. Now, he wondered if there was something to his theory. The boy seemed a little too keen on persuading him that he wasn't responsible. It was only a feeling but Thomas thought that maybe Andy had been the one who screwed things up. After all, who else could it have been?

„The question remains, though. Who leaked the information? I know I don't want to be in their skin if Charles finds out. He was furious enough already as it is. His mood will only get worse, I'm sure, if no one steps forward and he has to find out for himself. And he will find out for sure.“ This was it, Thomas thought, if Andy had something to do with the whole matter he would probably run to Charles' office straight away now.  
But he didn't and Thomas felt relieved for a moment that his young assistant seemed to be reliable, after all.

All the more it surprised him when Andy got up after a few minutes and left the office. Apparently, he had thought that waiting a few minutes would imply that he had nothing to hide. Thomas looked after him, amused at the deliberately casual way in which Andy strolled towards Charles Carson's office. Even running would have been less suspicious.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

„I'm on parole“, Andy downcast informed Thomas during lunch break. He was only poking around in his salad not feeling hungry at all. „And you knew it was all my fault, I feel like such a fool.“

„Serves you right. Now will you tell me why you did it or do I have to figure that out myself?“ Thomas inquired. He was curious why Charles had been merciful enough to let him stay. He'd have bet that anyone who betrayed Charles' newspaper would have been sacked without further notice.

Andy made a face when he explained, „If I had a choice, I'd rather not tell you. Mr. Carson said I still have to learn a lot in this business and that you'd be the best teacher I could have.“

Thomas knew exactly where Andy was going with this, but complimenting him would get the boy nowhere. He was still cross with him for keeping quiet in the first place and thereby putting the blame on Thomas. Who knew if Andy had confessed at all if Thomas hadn't pushed him in the right direction?

His musings where interrupted, though, when Andy explained, „It's embarrassing, really. I was at this bar the other night, and not exactly what you would call sober. There was this woman, who seemed nice enough, she bought me and some other guy a drink. And then another one, I don't recall how many. Long story short she tricked me into telling her things – work related things. Do you hate me now for letting myself be tricked easily?“

„No, I don't hate you, let's just say you better not work for the Secret Service“, Thomas tried to enlighten the mood after a few moments in which he thought about what he had just been told. Of course, Andy hadn't acted out of spite or self-interest, he wasn't that kind of person. He was just a little naive, an easy target. Thomas would teach him in time how to change that.

Andy grinned at Thomas' words when he said, „I wish we could find out who that woman was. But I don't even know her name or if she actually works for Sports Tribune. She might as well be someone who is just collecting and selling information.“

Thomas shrugged. Truth be told, it would be satisfying to find out who she was. Revenge would definitely be sweet, if he ever did, that was sure. And if they didn't find out, there was probably nothing to be done about it. At least, his assistant was to be trusted, after all. As long as there wasn't any alcohol involved.

–--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After lunch break Thomas found a whole pile of document papers and charts on his desk that had definitely not been there, before. He scurried through them and noticed one file was labelled 'evaluation sheets – political parties' . Making a face he looked up and when he spotted Charles across the large office, in which about ten working desks had found their place, each one of them shielded from the others by nothing more than large, white dividers, he shouted out to him, „Eh, Charly, what's this junk? Politics isn't my responsibility!“  
„It is now!“ Charles resounded, his voice in a tone that left no room for arguments.  
The files Thomas had held up in order to point out what he was referring to, fell on his desk with a loud thud. He was back in the office for barely five minutes and was already getting more and more frustrated by the second. He crossed his arms, whether in refusal of the task at hand or out of general stubbornness, one couldn't know.  
Charles approached him and continued, „Since your friend Sarah stole herself away, the politics department needs all the help, especially with the election coming up. As far as I know the two of you don't have much to do at the moment, so you might as well make yourselves useful for once.“

Now, that isn't fair, Thomas thought. Sarah hadn't been his friend anymore for months before she left, How could Charles blame him, now? And make him suffer for Andy's bad judgment, too. If Charles really expected him to evaluate whatever charts and stuff he had given him, he would have to wait a while for it.  
Thomas had more important things to do. He grabbed his mobile from his desk and left the office, leaving a baffled Andy behind.

Just outside the building, Thomas fished the phone from his pocket, alongside a little snippet of paper. With one hand he dialled the number that was noted down on the piece of paper in his other hand. Thomas was definitely not known for being a sociable person and the prospect of having to call someone purely for personal reasons would normally get his knickers in a twist. This was an exception, however.

„Hello, hang on a moment, please...“, the female voice on the other end of the line answered the phone after a few rings.

Thomas heard her exchange a few words with someone at what sounded like a supermarket cash desk, before she picked the phone up again, „Hi, sorry for the trouble, who's there?“

„Hey Bax, it's Thomas. I wondered if we could meet up again, tonight maybe? But if it's a bad timing I'll call again later.“

„No, no it's alright, I was just buying some groceries and am on my way home now. I'd love to see you, in an hour at the Mason's, what do you say?“ She sounded truly pleased that he had called her and wanted to see her again.

„Yeah, in an hour sounds good to me. I'll meet you there.“

„Wonderful“, Bax answered, kind of amazed at how easily they were comfortable with each other again, „See you then, bye.“

„Yes bye, see you later.“


	6. in which a pub is a good place to talk

It would be nice to see Thomas again, Phyllis supposed after she had hung up on the phone. They had had a bit of a bumpy start, hopefully the upcoming meeting would break the ice between them and re-establish the friendship they used to share. Phyllis pondered whether she should tell Thomas her story. On the few occasions when Thomas had met Peter he had not liked him at all, and he would probably tell her I told you so, if she admitted that she had been wrong about everything. Then again, Thomas was the closest thing to a friend she had. He had a right to know even if it meant for her to endure his reprimands for a while.

By the time she arrived at the building she now lived in she noticed that she would have to hurry up quite a bit if she wanted to be on time. Getting to know distances in the local area better was still on her list of things to get done. She almost ran up the stairs, at the same time fiddling with her keys and not taking any notice of her surroundings. When she looked up, she came to an abrupt stop at the landing where she was greeted by a most odd sight.

A man was standing in front of her door, bent over, looking closely at her doorbell. He turned around, taken by surprise, when she cleared her throat loudly. The wave of anger that had threatened to overcome her at the sight of a stranger at her door turned into relief immediately when she identified the man as her neighbor. Without the funny gardening attire she hadn’t recognized him from behind. Still, what was he doing there?

“Oh, hello neighbor!” Mr. Molesley squeaked, giving her a small, one-sided smile. Pointing at her nameplate he said, “I was just – just wanted…your name, there is none.”

How he managed to stumble over the most simple of sentences was beyond her. But he was right, she had completely forgotten to put her name on the doorbell. Now it was her turn to feel silly and blush a little. After all, it was her who had been thoughtless enough not to introduce herself to him after he had told her his name during their first encounter.  
Shifting her grocery shopping in her hands she extended one arm towards Mr. Molesley, „It's Phyllis, Phyllis Baxter.“

„Such a pleasure to see you again, Miss Baxter”, he replied, shaking her hand. What a pleasure indeed, he thought when she gave him a brilliant smile that made his heart beat a little bit faster.

Her face turned into an apologetic look when she said, „I'd love to chat with you Mr. Molesley, but I'm afraid I'm kind of in a hurry.“

„Yes, yes, of course. I suppose I'd better be getting on, too. Lots to be done.“

And to underline that he had indeed work to do, he held up his dark blue briefcase. Phyllis found it clashed terribly with his light brown suit. But the weird combination fit him and that's what she found endearing. Mr. Molesley apparently didn't care too much about being dressed perfectly. In fact, the briefcase looked rather shabby, so she assumed that he must be very fond of it or otherwise he would probably have gotten rid of it long ago.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A little while later, when she was getting ready for the evening, Phyllis remembered that Thomas hadn't been dressed too fancy either on their by-chance encounter in the pub the week before. So she opted for some black skinny jeans, a loose fitting, short sleeved grey blouse and grey high heeled sandals. Looking in the mirror she wasn't truly happy with what she saw. It was okay enough for the occasion but she still found herself to be too dressed up. Then again, everything she owned was kind of sophisticated.  
Over the last years she had lived a life in which it was normal to wear designer dresses and only custom-made suits. She had her own share of both in her wardrobe and now wondered with a trace of self-pity if she would ever get to wear them again. Definitely not on her current job as a waitress.

Phyllis pondered suddenly if her discontent about the chosen outfit was in some way linked to the fact that she had practically given Thomas the invitation to ask her about her past whereabouts again. She dreaded his reaction but cancelling wasn't an option. She had always liked to consider herself a reliable person, something she didn't want to change. Especially not with Thomas who would probably think it was in some way his fault, if she called the meeting off.

She would have to pull herself together, even though her life as it was at the moment wasn’t anything to be proud of. In the past, Phyllis had loved how people were amazed at her achievements and her lifestyle. Or rather, she had told herself that she liked how others reacted to her. She had been successful in her job as a politician’s personal assistant, climbed up the career ladder pretty fast, and had an equally successful partner. Peter and she had been the perfect couple, everyone around them had more or less envied their relationship. It had looked perfect from the outside, she remembered. After all, she had done everything to maintain that image even when it had been everything but sunshine.

Before she had met Peter, nothing of that had been important to her. True, she had never had been rich or anything when she was young so the change was a nice one at first. But in the long run she had always only wanted to be happy. Have a job that fulfilled her and a happy private life. But that had changed. He had changed her. Phyllis hadn’t noticed in the beginning, the first few years with him had been more of a blur than anything else. Career pushing jobs, fancy parties every other weekend, meetings with important people and such became more and more frequent until nothing of her former life had been left in her.  
From her shared flat as a university student she had moved to a big apartment with Peter and then to a large townhouse together. Along with her surroundings she had changed as well. Could she ever get back to where she came from? Since Peter had left her, she sometimes longed to be the young woman again who had dreams and plans and let nothing stop her in order to achieve her goals.

No one ever said a new beginning would be easy. Especially not after she had lost everything. She didn't mind the job she'd lost. She had never cared for it much in the first place, but it had been a step in the right direction to bring her forward in her career, Peter had said. A step further away from the person she was that had turned her more into the person he had wanted her to be. That was it – she had been striving so hard to please him, to be lovable for him that she had lost herself on the way.

Her own personality was beginning to surface again in slow-motion, it showed in the small things like when she was decorating her home or went shopping for food she liked. Still, sometimes she felt lost when being confronted with the most insignificant questions like whether she should buy fresh tomatoes or the ones from the can or when she forgot the simplest of things like putting her name sign on her door. It had always been Peter who had taken care of everything.  
Maybe it would be good to meet with Thomas, he was a part of her old self and maybe he could help her to be that person again.


	7. in which there is a story to be told

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Now, we get a deeper glance into Phyllis' past. I hope it explains a bit better why she is the way she is. I hope I don't bore anyone too much with my narrative passages but I'm still having troubles with dialogue and it always feels a bit extra awkward between Thomas and Bax.
> 
> Now, off I go.

Thomas spotted his friend sitting at one of the tables in the far corner of the pub. After he had entered and his eyes had adjusted to the dimmed light, his first glance had been to the bar where he suspected Bax would have occupied the same spot as a few nights ago. But she hadn't and when he scanned the room for her he smirked at her choice of seating. Unknowingly, Bax had chosen his favorite spot in the pub. Thomas liked the table in the corner with the old colored-glass window behind, it offered more privacy than any other table and a bit of quiet even during the evenings when the pub was busy.

Phyllis had been engulfed in the book she had brought with her but looked up when she noticed the shadow of someone standing in front of her table and immediately put the book on the side.

„Hi Thomas!" she greeted her friend with a smile, „I'm glad you decided you wanted to see me again, after all. I'm sorry for the other day, I must have been rather a disappointment."

Thomas frowned for a moment, then returned the greeting and replied, „No, not at all." Hastily, he added, when she gave him a skeptical look, „Well, maybe a little bit, but I wasn't my best, either, so we're even, I guess."

„If you say so. Please do sit down", she gestured at the chair across from her and shoved a glass in his direction, „and do have a drink. I hope the whisky is to your liking. It's my treat, I got a generous tip from a guest at the restaurant I work at today."

She was right, it was to his liking. Nevertheless, Thomas almost spilled his drink at his friend's words. „Don't tell me you're a waitress now?!" He blurted out, astounded.

Phyllis looked down, clearly ashamed. „Well, yes but not really. It's only temporary, until I find something else. I have just recently moved back to London and I'm still kind of getting settled. And the money is okay, it's not much but along with some savings I have it pays the rent for now."

For a moment, Thomas thought she was playing a joke on him but then he remembered her crestfallen look when he had made that remark about children and a husband the other day. Maybe life really hadn't been kind to her.

„But Bax, what happened? The last time I saw you, you had just taken your final uni exams. You had that promising job offer and if I recall correctly you were madly in love with that one guy you had just met a few weeks before."

That's the cue, she thought, tell him now and get it over with. She told him about the changed lifestyle and how she had lost her job. She told him how Peter had been in charge of both their lives up to the point when he had complete control over her.

She had been working as the personal assistant in a local politician's office in Manchester and Peter was in charge of the politics department at a TV news station. Everything had been wonderful at first, but then things began to change. Peter had been frustrated for weeks because the viewer's ratings for his department were constantly decreasing, when one day he approached her with his idea. She would find some confident information at her employer's office and give it to Peter. It would help him and he would be forever grateful, he had said. It would push his career, he had said. So she did it without thinking. Of course, the theft was easily connected to her, afterwards, and Phyllis was sacked without notice.

Peter profited from the information and even got rewarded at work. But at home, things only got worse. Without a job, Phyllis spent most of her days at home doing whatever Peter told her to do, or rather not doing all the things that he had forbidden her to do. By then, she had almost no friends and had become completely dependent on Peter. She didn't know what to do without him, because he controlled her. Still, she was thankful for every minute he was late from work because it meant a minute less of being yelled at, of being commanded around.

Peter had blamed her for losing her job, naturally. He told her many times how stupid she had been until he didn't have to, anymore. She knew she was stupid, she knew she wasn't worth much.

It was a few weeks later when she had first noticed that he came home intoxicated. He had been angry, at what she didn't remember. But she remembered the sharp pain when his hand slapped her face hard that evening. She would never forget that moment, nor the other various occasions when he hit her in the following months. She began to dread the sound of his keys in the lock because she could never know what would follow.

He could still be the nicest person, taking her out to dinner or buying her expensive jewelry and dresses. Then, he was the man she had fallen in love with. So she always hoped for that other part of him, that nasty, cruel part, to disappear for good.

„I know now, that he would never have changed. Not for me, anyway. He had me under control, I did nothing without his permission and still stayed with him. So from his point of view, why should he have changed? A part of me is glad that he practically threw me out before he left for a business trip of his about 2 months ago. Otherwise, I'd probably still be with him. I don't think I would ever have left him", Phyllis concluded her story and looked expectantly at Thomas.

He had been listening closely these past minutes, letting her talk but now he should probably say something. The problem was he had no clue what.

I'm sorry sounded way too trivial and I never liked the guy, anyway would definitely not help, either. Thomas had only met Peter once or twice and he just didn't like him. He was a rather handsome fellow, a few years older than Bax, too self-confident for his own good and had appeared pretentious. But Bax had liked him, she was fascinated by his eloquence and the world of fancy dinners and rich people he introduced her to. It was different from everything they had known so far and he hadn't blamed her for being drawn to that.

Now, he wished he would have warned her, told her about his suspicions. But telling her that now, wouldn't change anything. The fact remained that she had to suffer those last years and he still didn't know what to say.

Phyllis broke the uncomfortable silence, "I never want to live like that again. I never want to be controlled again, not by anyone. That's why I came back here, to leave it all behind. But starting from scratch is harder than I thought. Everything is difficult when you're not used to making decisions."

"I'm ever so sorry, Bax. I know that sounds pathetic but I am", Thomas finally managed to say. He stared at her with a thoughtful look when an idea crossed his mind. She had mentioned that she had worked in politics before, maybe she could apply for the vacancy at The Weekly Inquirer. After all, she needed a proper job and Thomas himself needed someone to relieve him from his work load. And if he put Bax forward for the job he might as well ask for her support in return whenever Andy was too proper to help him with his little schemes.

"I might have a solution for the job problem, at least. Can't say for sure yet, but would you work for a newspaper?" He inquired cautiously. Thomas didn't want to get her hopes up too high.

Phyllis looked at him questioningly, then shrugged, "A newspaper, why not? Actually, I've never really cared for those jobs in the party where you have to restrain your own opinion every other day, you know. A job at a magazine could be a nice change."

"I will ask my boss about it, then. I know our politics department is understaffed, maybe he will look at your application", Thomas suggested.

"Wait! Your boss? You write for a newspaper? Oh, how wonderful it would be if we worked together!" Phyllis beamed. That offer had lightened her mood at once, "But I have absolutely no experience in writing newspaper articles. I have only ever written speeches and commentaries and such."

"Like I said, Bax, I can't promise you anything. But I do promise to put your name forward if you decide to apply for the job", Thomas said in an attempt to calm her enthusiasm down. However, when he saw that insecure, lost look in her eyes, he added with a smirk, "It would be wonderful, indeed."


	8. in which some strings are pulled

Thomas could inwardly congratulate himself over and over again for that glorious idea of his. In fact, he thought himself quite the genius. How convenient it could be to be such a fast thinker, otherwise he would presumably not have connected his old friend's job search with his predicament at work. This way however, if he didn't manage to screw it up, he would get rid of the unwanted workload and have someone around who would be on his side. Who would have thought that his meeting with Bax would lead to this?

So, when he got off the elevator at work that morning he didn't go straight ahead to his desk but turned left towards Charlie Carson's office instead. I would be best to approach Charlie right away with his suggestion. The sooner he told Charlie that he might have someone who could help out in the understaffed department, the sooner would he know if his boss approved of his idea. And the sooner he knew that – well, the sooner the better.

His mission was interrupted by Andy who was storming towards him, not looking happy at all.

„Good morning", Thomas cheerfully said.

„Good morning for you, maybe! I hope you had a nice evening yesterday. Because I was stuck here with all the work you just left behind. Do you even know when I left last night?" It looked as if his young colleague was really mad at him. Sure, Thomas shouldn't just have left without a word but if his plan worked, Andy would profit from it, too. He would be thankful soon enough.

„No, I don't know, but you're probably going to tell me,", Thomas replied, pretending not to care much. „Before you do though, let me tell you something. It's not definite yet, but I might have the solution for the extra-work-problem. I was just on my way to Charles' to talk to him about it."

„To talk him into whatever it is you have in mind, more likely", Andy remarked, smirking. He hadn't known Thomas for a long time but he knew him well enough already to suspect when his older colleague was up to no good.

„I don't care how you put it, just be glad I can put us out of this misery. You'll profit from it, too, if things go well. So wish me luck!"

„Profit?", Andy curiously asked, catching up with Thomas, who was hurriedly walking towards Charlie's office. „Actually, I didn't really mind the work much. It's rather interesting as soon as you get into the subject."

Thomas turned his head in surprise. He himself couldn't find anything interesting in politics if his life depended on it. And here his assistant was standing in front of him, telling him that he enjoyed just that.

„Whatever! I'm going to talk to Charles, now. You go mingle with the guys from politics if you can't help yourself." With that, Thomas knocked on the door to Charles' office and entered when he heard the older man answer the door.

 

The visit in Charles' office didn't really start like Thomas had imagined. The moment he entered, he had been greeted by a grumpy Charles Carson who had been anything but happy about Thomas' early departure the day before.

Luckily, Thomas didn't even have to make up any excuses for himself when he told him that he had met with someone who might be suitable for the open position. He brought forward that Phyllis had already worked in politics, though not as a journalist, before, and that she was a reliable person. And, he told Charles, that she was looking for a job at the moment so she could most likely start very soon, if Charles decided to give her the job.

Even Charles' reservations about why she was in search for a job, if she was as good as Thomas had described her, were thrown over when Thomas told him that his friend had just moved to the city a few weeks ago.

Charles wasn't completely convinced that it would be a good idea to have a friend of Thomas' around but he agreed to meet her, nevertheless. It couldn't hurt to give it a try and Thomas had been right, they were understaffed at the moment.

„Tell that friend of yours that she can come by on Friday afternoon. I suppose can make some time for her, then. But it's nothing official yet, tell her that will you?"

„Yes, I know it's not. I'll call her and tell her."

This had worked out well, Thomas thought when he left his boss' office. He had almost feared that it would take more than one approach to persuade Charles to meet Bax. It surprised him that Charles had been convinced so easily. Well, not convinced, exactly. It was still not sure if the job would even be available and Charles knew that Bax had no experience in the field so even if there would be a job opening he couldn't be sure Bax was the right person for it.

But, he had asked Thomas to make an appointment and that was something. Bax would be forever indebted to him, Thomas reckoned, if she really got that job. He was positive that Charles would never employ his friend if he knew about her history. But Thomas knew and he would definitely use this knowledge to his advantage. He liked Bax, but she couldn't expect him not to want anything out of the bargain. He'd make sure she knew he did.

Pulling out his phone, Thomas typed a quick message:

Hi Bax, job interview is friday 4 pm, call me for details, Thomas

After this, he didn't have to wait long for his mobile to ring. Only a few minutes later the familiar ringing caught his attention. He knew she was looking for a job, but this seemed almost desperate. But he wouldn't complain. Not when his friend's unfortunate situation made it easier for him to reach his own goal.

„You're a fast one", he greeted her, his voice clearly amused by the immediacy of the call.

„You asked for a return call", Bax replied, saving no time for pleasantries. „So, you really managed to get me an appointment with your boss, then?"

Thomas chuckled quietly about her eagerness. Maybe not quietly enough, though, if the exasperated sigh coming from his phone was any indication for her annoyance.

„Calm down, will you? Yes, I did convince Charles that employing someone would be better that putting me in charge. He only agreed because he damn well knows that I'd do more damage than good when it comes to political themes. But that doesn't matter. He agreed and that's what is important. So, what do you say? Can you make it here on Friday, let's say by 3.30 pm? That would give me enough time to show you around the office beforehand."

„Sure, 3.30 sounds good to me, I'll be there", Phyllis nodded enthusiastically, then shook her head in a silly notion when she remembered the Thomas couldn't see her over the phone. Hastily, before the silence could get too uncomfortable, she added, in a serious and sincere voice, „And Thomas, I want you to know, I'm grateful for this."

„Don't be. I wouldn't do this if I didn't get anything out of the bargain, myself. If you get the job, I expect your full support, you know", Thomas voice was cold and without emotion, the iciness it held sobered her up. She should have known that nothing ever came for free when Thomas was involved. It was always him first. She knew, he had to learn the hard way that putting himself first was the only way to get through life. So she didn't really blame him. Still, in that moment, his harsh words surprised her, if only a little.

„No, you wouldn't", she simply stated. He really wouldn't, not for anyone, and most certainly not for her. How could she let herself think, for just one moment, that she was an exception? Not when she knew that she was anything but special. That job offer was more than she could have ever hoped for after the disaster at her last job. No, she wouldn't let this opportunity pass! And if it left her indebted to Thomas, then so be it. It couldn't be that bad now, could it? They were friends, after all.

„What is it you want from me?", Phyllis asked bluntly.

„Not on the phone", came the prompt reply, his voice had turned a little softer now, „I'll tell you everything later, when you're here. I'll text you the address. Don't be late!"

„I won't. And again, thank you. I'll see you then. Bye."

„Sure, bye", Thomas said before he hung up. The call left him with a strange feeling. It felt almost as if he was having second thoughts when he heard his friend's soft, kind voice. Could it be that Thomas Barrow had a conscience? He was definitely conscious of the fact that he was planning to manipulate someone he had once considered a friend. A good friend. A friend who had, in the past, been manipulated and most likely still suffered from it. But no, he would shake those thoughts off. It wouldn't do to develop a soft spot now. He had trusted people, relied on people often enough and they had all turned away from him. He had learned to put himself first, he wouldn't change now.


	9. in which nothing good ever is for free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter with the appearance of the lovely Mr. M (as some people like to call him)

Three days later

The agency didn't look a bit like Phyllis had imagined it. Somehow, she had assumed that any place Thomas worked at would look worn down. But this wasn't shabby at all. The building was old, and there was a receptionist in the lobby who asked her where she was headed and called up to reconfirm the appointment with Mr. Carson before she let her through.

Thomas was already waiting for her upstairs, casually leaning against the wall next to the elevator, one foot popped up, and smoking a cigarette.

„Finally", he remarked when Phyllis exited the elevator, „I almost thought you had changed your mind!"

Phyllis rolled her eyes at his pestering, „Check your watch again, Barrow, I am on time."

Thomas just smirked at the snappy remark, then walked away from the elevator, indicating with a slight nod of his head that she should follow him.

The office was nice. It was big and airy and the large windows offered a view over the city. People at the many desks were buzzing around or typing away at their computers. The place seemed busy, but not stressed. Once or twice, Phyllis had the feeling of being watched and it unnerved her. But it was probably nothing, she persuaded herself, of course people would be interested if one of their colleagues showed a stranger around their workplace.

The tour came to an end in the break room where a small kitchenette was located. Thomas poured himself a black coffee and another one with a little milk, but no sugar for her. He observed her astonishment with a sly grin. He had always been one to remember small things in case he could ever make use of them again. Surely, she hadn't thought he would have forgotten her preferences in coffee, not after they had shared more than enough cups of the hot beverage in the past. To her, it was a sentiment which would make her even more attached to him. Bax was such a kind hearted person, no cunning thoughts would ever cross her mind. But to him, remembering her taste in coffee was just one more step to reach his own, selfish goal: to make her work for him. It was time to reveal the truth about his seemingly nice gesture of arranging a job interview for her.

„I hope you know that I'm not just doing this for you. If you are going to work here, it'll be on my conditions", Thomas said, handing Bax her cup. He studied her face for a reaction - if anything she looked at him curiously, surprised. By an outsider, her expression would most likely be described as blank. But Thomas knew her and he knew to read the small signs of reaction in Phyllis Baxter's face, even at times when she tried to conceal any emotional movement. Her eyes, that had widened just a little had given her away.

However, there was no curiosity at all to be found in her voice, when she neutrally responded, „You already said as much. In fact, it would have shocked me if you hadn't asked for anything in return."

When Bax made no further move to inquire about his conditions, Thomas felt a little tinge of something, could it be pride? No, he wouldn't go that far but he certainly felt somewhat pleased that his friend had learned to put on a poker face.

„The thing is", he paused, but to no avail – his friend's expression didn't change, „I want information. About what's going on in the agency, about the others, you know. About the boss, especially about the boss. You will be my connection to the rest of them. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Bax looked at her friend and when she realized how serious he was, how his cold eyes bore into hers, it dawned on her. He wanted her to be his spy. He wanted her to do the dirty work for him and profit from it himself. Did he even know what he was asking of her? Before she had more time to truly contemplate Thomas' proposition, a head appeared in the doorway, informing Thomas that Mr. Carson would be ready for the interview now.

„Thank you, Andy", Thomas told the young man. Expectantly, he looked at Phyllis. She took a deep breath and followed the man named Andy to Mr. Carson's office. She was suddenly unsure whether she still wanted him to offer her a job or not.

A good thirty minutes later, Phyllis stepped out of Charlie Carson's office. If she wanted the job, he would give it a try, Carson had said. It felt good to be appreciated, it felt good to be wanted. Nobody had wanted her back in Manchester after her dishonorable dismissal. The chance of a new beginning felt so wonderful that it clouded her mind for a moment and let her forget Thomas' words.

Thomas himself wouldn't let her forget, though. Again, he was already waiting for her. The contentment that practically radiated from him made it clear that her own satisfied look had told him everything. He instantly knew that Charles had agreed to give her the job.

„Don't look like that, Thomas", Phyllis reprimanded him, „it's not becoming."

„Don't you get cheeky with me. You knew about the conditions, I hope you won't forget them", his voice was full of warning, threatening even.

Feeling bold all of a sudden, most likely due to the recent boost of confidence the job interview had given her, Phyllis demanded to know, „Or what? What will you do if I don't comply to your conditions?"

„I know your story, Bax, I know what you did. Charles won't like it at all if I told him he's just hired a traitor",a smug grin was plastering his face. Phyllis hated it. She hated it just as much as she hated being repressed again. What was supposed to be a new beginning transformed into some sort of dejá-vu. Thomas was different, she told herself, Thomas was her friend. He wouldn't use her or hurt her. Would he?

„Fine then, have it your way. Just know that I don't like this – lying to people."

Even though her happiness about the new job was slightly clouded by the prospect of Thomas' blackmailing, Phyllis was feeling jolly, nevertheless. So, the next morning when she got up, she blamed it on the cheerful mood that she had accepted an invitation to a picknick from her neighbor during another by-chance meeting on the balconies the evening before.

Mr. Molesley, or Joseph as she had secretly started to call him in her mind, though she was sure he was far to proper to excuse such familiar conduct if she ever accidentally addressed him by his given name, had managed to talk her into spending the morning with him in a nearby park. She had even agreed to bring some sandwiches, albeit reluctantly. Now, she was in the predicament to buy said sandwiches, get back home and arrange them in a way that they could pass as homemade all before Joseph would pick her up.

Phyllis had managed, but only barely and now, a good hour later, she was sitting on a blanket under a cherry tree in bloom, across from Mr. Molesley. It was the perfect sunny spring day to enjoy some cake and iced tea outside. Both were evidently homemade by her neighbor which made her feel even worse about simply buying the sandwiches instead of making an effort. But Mr. Molesley liked them, if she could believe his words.

„Really, those sandwiches are delicious. Though I have the feeling I know that taste from somewhere", he said, pondering.

Phyllis knew it was wrong of her to lead him on, but it would be terribly embarrassing to admit that she was practically incapable of preparing any food. So she simply said, „I'm glad you like them."

„Of course, I like them. I'm just curious why they look and taste exactly like Ivy's from the small coffee shop around the corner?"

Great, now he had found her out! Could this get any more awkward? She might as well be honest with him now, after all, he was really nice about the matter and didn't make fun of her. „You got me. I bought them. I'm sorry but I'm really, really bad at cooking and I didn't want to risk poisoning you so I thought this would be safer." This, and she hadn't wanted to make a fool of herself. She was able to prepare some sandwiches but they never tasted really good and somehow, she had wanted to impress Joseph.

He just laughed at her and with that high pitched voice of his said, „Cooking? Making sandwiches can't really be called cooking, don't you think? Maybe I should have rather asked you to bring a cake."

Sheepishly, she tried to avoid his eyes, when she replied, that she wasn't any good at baking, either. She was rewarded with an inquiring look but shrugged it off casually. „I'm afraid I must disappoint you, I never quite got the hang of kitchen work."

„But how did you manage all these years?" He blurted out. It wasn't uncomfortable though, his questions were so charmingly inquisitive, so innocently curious.

„Let's just say that I was used to a rather different lifestyle. I practically survived on take-away and eating out. I didn't want to make a fool of myself on the fir-", no, she wouldn't call it a date. They were just two friends, acquaintances rather, who spent some time together. She couldn't allow herself to call it a date. Because that would imply they were going somewhere and she definitely wasn't anywhere near ready to follow that train of thoughts. So, what she said instead was, „Didn't want to make a fool of myself right away."

„You didn't. You made an effort. And remember, it is me who is the fool, talking to my flowers in bright daylight", Joseph said in an attempt to change the subject. He must have felt her embarrassment and wanted to distract her.

The effect was immediate, Phyllis grinned at the memory. „Maybe we are both fools."

„Yeah, m-maybe, we are."

Great, Phyllis thought, now he was beginning to get nervous again. But so was she, and she had the feeling that it had nothing to do with her embarrassment over the sandwiches.


	10. in which work begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An in-between chapter which is more about the people than about the plot. Still, I hope you like it and would be grateful for a comment.

The first few days were difficult. Finding her way around the newspaper agency wasn't too easy for Phyllis. Of course, Thomas had given her an overview of the surroundings and on her first official day, she had been assigned to Andy who gave her a grand tour and all the info she needed to find her way around. Which was rather a lot to remember and with her being totally new in the field she had found herself at a loss at least twice before the first week had even ended.

If Phyllis had thought that knowing Thomas would help her in some way, she had been wrong. Thomas himself was the last person she could expect any help from and the fact that she knew him seemed to be enough for all the others to avoid her.

And as if she didn't have enough problems already, Thomas was always lurking around some corner, pestering her about their agreement. How could she find out anything for him if she didn't even seem to be able to find out what was important for her?

If anyone it was Andy who seemed eager enough to help. Andy also seemed to be the only one Thomas was friendly with. No wonder, that no one else ever associated with Thomas or told him any confident information. He was being a real prick, the only thing he was concerned with was his own success. And she was caught in the middle of it. If she had disliked Thomas' bargain in the beginning, she now began to hate the conditions of it. It was one thing to theoretically prank or spread rumors about people she didn't know. But these people were nice and she felt like she was deceiving them.

There was Gwen, the receptionist, a young, ambitious girl who was friendly and open-minded. There was Charles of course, the head editor, who appeared to be strict but generous, if the chance he had given her had been any indication for his character. Then, there was Elsie from Human Resources, Charles' wife, Andy of course, Thomas' young and slightly naive assistant, and Ethel and Jane, two single moms who both wrote mostly about celebrities and such. Until now, Phyllis had only once met their accountant, Mr. Lang in the elevator. He was a very quiet guy, Thomas had said he had some troubles in the past, but he didn't seem unpleasant. Of course, there was also the owner of the newspaper, a Mrs. Gregson, whom she had yet to meet. But people only ever talked well of her so Phyllis supposed she was probably a nice person, too.

And she would have to plot against them, if that was what Thomas wanted. Only one week in and Phyllis already wished for a way out of this.

She had been staring at her computer screen for a good ten minutes when a loud thud of a stack of papers being thrown at her desk startled her. Phyllis almost jumped in surprise and looked up into the expectant eyes of Andrew.

„Here, Charlie wanted me to hand those to you", he said, pointing at the papers he had just put on top of some other files she had yet to go through, „He said, this is your responsibility now and I should go back to helping Thomas. Although I guess, he also changed his mind about my whereabouts because he wants me to keep an eye on him. Thomas does look a little preoccupied, lately."

Of course he's preoccupied, Phyllis thought, with watching my every move. On the outside, though, she remained calm and expressionless, which apparently gave Andy the feeling he was welcome to chat on. „I mean, you're his friend, aren't you? You would know if something was wrong with him."

When Phyllis still didn't say anything, Andy asked, „Are you alright?"

„What?", she blurted out, surprised by the question, „Oh, ye- yeah I'm fine. Thank you, Andrew", she added, nodding at the papers he had brought her.

Andy left her desk, muttering more to himself than anybody else, 'well, if you say so...'. Phyllis sighed. It was nice to know that there was someone who cared for Thomas, even if Andy seemed a little too eager in her opinion. She just hoped that this friendship wouldn't end in drama. Hell knew Thomas deserved a friend for once. Phyllis remembered another time when another young man had been nice to Thomas just to make fun of him later.

Thomas had never been a particularly sweet person but he had been agreeable at least. Until everything changed one day, when Thomas had been about 16 years old. Jimmy had been the new kid in town and had immediately caught Thomas' eye. As he was bound to, Jimmy found out about Thomas' crush on him and instead of just leaving him in peace, Jimmy had pretended to like Thomas, too. Phyllis hadn't approved of that friendship because she knew from the start, that Thomas had been much too fond of the other boy, but Thomas hadn't listened. He had told her off instead, for being jealous of him making other friends and so she had left them be.

After a few weeks Thomas had been so in love with Jimmy that he tried to kiss him one day. Jimmy had found it funny to spread the news around among the other kids, not thinking about the consequences. But it wasn't just that, soon everyone in the village knew Thomas' secret and of course, it didn't take long until the scandalous news reached Mr. Barrow's ears. When Thomas came home that night, he had been in for the beating of his lifetime. It had been horrible when Phyllis had found her friend hiding in an abandoned shack a little outside the village later that evening. He had asked her why she had come after he had been so mean to her but she had already forgotten the time when he had called her jealous of his friendship with Jimmy. They were friends and friends were there for each other when they needed one another. For her, friendship never meant expecting anything from the other, but giving to each other.

She had always had a soft spot for Thomas and nothing would ever change that. Even if he was being cruel to her, now, she knew that he didn't behave that way to hurt her. Putting himself first was just the only way he had ever learned to live. The images of Thomas' father turning his back to his only son, throwing him out of his childhood home, and the people in the village whispering quietly about „scandal" and „poor Mr. Barrow's strange son" were still too vivid in her memory.

The first opportunity to prove her loyalty to Thomas, arised sooner than Phyllis would have expected. It had been the end of her first week at the agency when a woman entered the floor and went straight ahead to Charlie's office. Phyllis reckoned her to be in her early thirties, she wore a sensible dark blue business dress that went down to her knees and the heels of her matching shoes clacked at every step. All in all, she moved with an air of confidence that made her look rather important. Only the messy ponytail, in which she had tried to pull her wavy, strawberry blonde hair together, didn't match the picture. Phyllis wondered who that woman was, who seemed determined but also friendly in the way she had greeted some of the employees when she walked past them.

Thomas watched Phyllis from afar, watching the unfamiliar woman. She had already given up on feeling distracted every time Thomas observed her, and so she wasn't surprised when he approached her only to disclose to her that it was Edith Gregson, the owner of the magazine. Now that she knew who the younger woman was, Phyllis would have wished for a second chance to get a better look at her. People here only talked well of Mrs. Gregson and Phyllis was curious if she really was as nice. Thomas had different plans, though, when he said with a meaningful voice, „I wonder what they are up to. She's not here very often and it looks like quite the argument they're having."

That it did, indeed. Through the glass wall of Charles' office, they couldn't hear a word that was spoken between the head editor and the owner, still their gestures and movements showed that they did seem to disagree on something. Phyllis turned to Thomas questioningly. He could probably estimate far better if their bosses were quarrelling over something important or if this was just something that didn't concern them. But if Thomas knew – or suspected – something, he made sure not to give himself away. In fact, he didn't show any emotions when he instructed her to follow them around unobstrusively, as soon as Charles and Edith had left the office.

Phyllis sighed, she had no interest whatsoever in her bosses' conversation. She didn't want to follow Charles around and listen in on whatever he had to talk about with the owner. She didn't even know Edith Gregson, which made spying on the woman even more objectionable to her.

Nevertheless, she stood up and followed them to the break room as soon as she noticed Thomas' impatient look. Phyllis was positive that she wouldn't find out anything important, anyway. Whatever it was that Edith Gregson had come for, they had most likely talked it through in Charles' office. Nothing confidential would be said in the open space of the break room, she pondered. It wouldn't hurt anyone if she just pretended to get herself a cup of coffee as long as Thomas only thought that she was doing something to help him.

When Phyllis entered the break room, Charles was sitting at one of the tables, his boss had taken a seat across from him. They were silently talking to each other, so engrossed in some files that they didn't take notice of the woman who was now pouring her coffee as slowly and silently as possible in order to overhear bits of what they were saying. But Phyllis wasn't too successful, only Charles' voice carried through the room. The sole thing that she could pick up before she was being spotted was that there was some secret that nobody was to know about just yet. As both her bosses' faces looked rather neutral, she couldn't even make out whether it was a good or a bad secret they were hiding. Nevertheless, even that was more than she wanted to tell Thomas.


	11. Mia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After focusing on Thomas and his past in the last chapter(s) it is about time for the lovely Mr. M to appear again. So this one is centered around him and his special companion.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Downton and I don't own that one little line I stole from „Teachers“. Mia is mine, though.

Damn, she was late!

It was just her luck that the alarm clock had decided to quit its service on this Saturday morning. She had woken up with a start much later than she had been supposed to and was now far too late to be even remotely on time for work. And if that wasn’t enough, Phyllis almost stumbled over something on her way out when she hurriedly closed the front door behind her. She looked down at what kept her from going any further and was greeted by a black cat that was winding itself around her ankles, thus not allowing her to move without falling. Silently, she cursed the small animal. She really wasn’t in the mood to play with a stray that morning. The cat must have sensed her reluctance and meowed softly while she lied down directly in front of Phyllis’ feet. Oh, all right, you win, Phyllis inwardly sighed and took the cat up into her arm. The feline gave a purring sound from her as soon as she was picked up and when Phyllis stroked her, she noticed that it wore a collar. So, she wasn’t a stray, after all.

Her musings about the little bundle in her arms kept her from seeing the man who had made his way towards the house. “Oh, good morning Miss Baxter”, Joseph Molesley greeted her, sounding twice as cheerful as she felt. “I hope, she doesn’t bother you. She can be quite a bit.”

“Oh, no. Not at all. She’s an angel. Just a little persistent, that’s all. Is she yours?” Phyllis assured him, forgetting for a moment that she was late for work and instead thinking about the strange coincidence that it was always him she accidentally met on the stairs or the balcony or, like now, on the front porch.

„She isn't mine,“ he says, „well, she is now. But she was my girlfriend's, originally.“  
Something flickered in Phyllis' eyes. Of course, he had a girlfriend, she scolded herself. How could she have assumed he wouldn't? He was funny, polite and didn't seem to be a psychopath, which was more than she could say about most men she had met. Still, she had somehow thought of him as a single person. He hadn't even mentioned a girlfriend, before. Why was she bothering with it, at all? They were only neighbours.

The strange way Phyllis looked at him for a split of a second didn't go unnoticed by Joe. It was there and the next moment it was gone again, and Joe didn't know for sure if he had imagined it, when he clarified, „My ex-girlfriend, to be precise. She left the cat when she left me.“

„I'm sorry“, Phyllis said even though she didn't really mean it. Surely, she felt sympathy for Joseph. After all, she knew herself how it felt to be left. But she felt also relieved that she hadn't missed out on the fact he had a girlfriend.

„Oh, please don't be. It's been months since she left. Actually, I'm glad she's gone, we didn't fit. She always wanted more than she had, or was.“ There was no hatred or regret in his voice, only a little disappointment, though probably much more in himself than in his ex-girlfriend. 

Phyllis felt the urge to defend the girl, „It's not wrong to be ambitious.“ She knew she had wanted more from her own life once, too.

„No, I suppose there's not. But then you don't stick to a lousy school teacher for 5 years for lack of a better option“, Joseph justified his statement from before.

„There's nothing lousy about being a teacher. Don't say that!“

„Her choice of words, not mine“, Joseph shrugged. He smiled at the unlikely picture before him. He knew his cat to be very shy and not like it at all to be petted by other people, especially strangers. But Phyllis was holding the normally grumpy animal close to her, softly stroking its black fur with the cat actually looking comfortable.

„What's her name?“, Phyllis asked him.

The question confused him slightly. What would she want to know that for? With a small frown he replied, „What? My girlfriend's? Miranda.“

„No, not your girlfriend“, Phyllis laughed, „Why would I want to know that? I mean your cat. What's her name?“

Goodness, this was embarrassing, Joe thought. He looked at the woman before him, who watched him expectantly. „Ah yes, the cat, ... of c-course. Her name's Mia. Again, not my choice“, he said, making a face that implied that he didn't like the name too much.

But Phyllis just petted the small animal's head, looked at the cat and said, „I like it. Mia. She's a nice one, isn't she?“

„She seems to like you, too. Normally, she is very shy. She won't let anyone pet her except Billy.“ Joseph was still astounded at his cat's unusual behaviour.

„Billy?“ Phyllis inquired when the name didn't ring any bells.

„Yeah, he's the son of a colleague of mine, John. I've known him and his wife, Anna, since forever, we're friends. Billy's their son, he's only 4 but he's a sunshine.“

„Speaking of the school, how are you getting on with the Shakespeare?“ Phyllis changed the subject, remembering how Joseph had told her, that the subject was forthcoming in his literature class, on their way home from the picnic the other day.

„I ... I think, it'll be all right. I made a major breakthrough with the sonnets, yesterday.“

Smiling about Joseph's enthusiasm, Phyllis asked, „So, the kids are starting to like them?“

He glanced at her, bowing his head a little to the side, „No – not the kids, me.“ The small giggle that followed did nothing to hide his nerves. „Why are you asking?“

„Only because I have two tickets for Macbeth tonight and I have no one to come with me, so I have one left and I hoped, maybe you would like to come? We could have dinner after.“

„I'd like that“, Joseph blurted out. He hoped that his hasty answer didn't give a strange impression. The last thing he wanted was to appear overenthusiastic. So, attempting to sound more casual he added, „Shall I pick you up at, let's say 6 o'clock?“

Phyllis sighed and grimaced apologetically at him, „I almost forgot, I'll be at work at least until half past 5. I guess, I won't make it here on time until 6, I'm afraid.“

Joseph's disappointment was visible in his slumped shoulders. He was looking so lost that Phyllis felt the need to make it up to him, „But you could pick me up from work, if that's okay.“

„Great, I'll be there“, he said, a big smile on his lips.

The smile on Phyllis' face was at least equally bright, Joe noticed. He simply couldn't keep his eyes off her face when she was smiling. Only when Mia meowed and began to struggle against Phyllis' grip did Joe's attention divert to his pet. His neighbour had noticed it, too, so she softly put the cat on the floor and said, „I guess she wants to go back upstairs.“

„Then I best be going. She can get a bit difficult at times“, Joseph said, mockingly before they both said their good-byes. When he reached the door of their building, he turned around once more but Phyllis was already out of sight. She had been in a hurry when she came out of the house, so she presumably had had to run now if she didn't want to be late for work. After all, their little talk must have delayed her quite a bit.

Indeed, Phyllis had hurriedly taken her bike that had been chained to the fence in front of the house and drove away faster than she normally would have. Regardless, she had stopped to turn around again, when she had reached the street corner. Joseph was fuddling with his keys, his cat scratching impatiently at the door. What a silly thing to do, looking back, she thought. What had she expected to see? She didn't know why but Joseph confused her. Not enough to get agitated about it but definitely enough to capture her attention long enough to almost make her forget she had to be somewhere.


	12. in which a visitor comes to the rescue

Being fashionably late was one thing, being almost half an hour late without so much as an explanation was another thing. Luckily for Phyllis, Charles wasn’t in that day so nobody really cared about her delayed arrival.  
As it was a Saturday, it was quieter than on the other days. Most of the employees had taken the day off or worked from their homes. But Phyllis had a lot to catch up to and she had wanted to use the day organizing herself and her workplace. Another positive thing about being at work that day was that there was no Thomas around. At least, until he made his appearance in the late afternoon, walking into the office as if he owned the place as soon as he noticed that apart from two interns, Phyllis was the only one there.

“How nice of you to grace the agency with your appearance. I’ve heard you came in rather late, today” He was pissed, she could tell as much. To make a point, Thomas hissed, “Really, what do you think you’re doing? This is not the way this works. You’re supposed to make a good impression.”

“I know and I’m sorry”, Phyllis truthfully said, “I didn’t mean to be late but my alarm clock broke and then, Joseph kept me. My neighbor, you know. I’ve told you about him”, she added, seeing the questioning frown on her friend’s face. “I’ve met him this morning on my way out and we lost track of time talking. He’s doing Shakespeare in his class and I told him about the play tonight.”

Thomas rolled his eyes, “Please tell me you’re not still pining over the fact that you’re the only person around who wants to watch that wretched play? Why did you buy two of those blasted tickets, anyway when you knew it would be just you?”

“Maybe I expected you to accompany me. You know, you could learn a thing or two from that Lady Macbeth.”

At this, Thomas made a pouting face at her. She was getting at him when she was this cheeky, which annoyed him enormously. This discomforting feeling of losing his power over her crept through him whenever she spoke up against him like that. It wasn’t threatening, still it made him alert to the circumstance that his friend could be much more confident than she seemed to realize herself.

“It doesn't matter anymore, now that Joseph's going with me. He’ll be the better company, anyway.”

„ You know, I don't have the slighest interest in your neighbour, Bax. And instead of listening to your ramblings about him, I'd be much more keen to know what's going on around here. Or have you forgotten already?“

„No, I haven't forgotten, how could I? But I already told you I don't know anything about it, Thomas. How many times do you want to hear it, again?“

„I'm not daft. I know you don't know anything, yet. But that's what you're here for, isn't it? To gain that missing information.“ Thomas looked expectantly at her.

„But how? Nobody wants to tell me anything, and wonder why? Because they always see us hanging together and they don't trust you, so they don't trust me.“

„Well that's not my problem now, is it?“ Thomas replied, getting slightly agitated at how uncooperative she was. „You better get them to trust you, then. I don't suppose you want me to tell Charles your little secret?“

“You know, I don’t. Honestly Thomas, I’ve tried. I’ve talked to Elsie about your suspicions regarding the lay-offs, but either she doesn’t know anything or she doesn’t want to tell me. There’s not much more I can do.”

“Ask Gwen, that’s what you could do. She knows things.”

“Why don’t you ask her yourself, then? If you’re so sure.” Phyllis was starting to get irritated by Thomas’ inability to accept that she couldn’t help him much.

“Because”, he started, sounding rather annoyed, “she wouldn’t tell me anything. Since that time when I associated with Sarah – the one who left and you came for – some people are a bit, let’s say cautious when it comes to me. But that’s what I have you for, now. Just get them all to like you and they’ll be like puppies.” The finality of his words left no more room for arguments.

Phyllis started at him defeatedly. The last thing she wanted was to make him angry and tell Charles about her past, of course. Still, she couldn't give him any information that she didn't have. During that conversation between Charles and Mrs. Gregson she had only overheard bits that she couldn't really put together. Phyllis wouldn't think about it at all but Thomas would want to make something out of it. Preferably something bad. He had this idea that the secret might have to do with people getting laid off. And Phyllis was more than reluctant to being a part of such a rumor being spread.  
Before Thomas got another chance to corner her, Phyllis' head shot up at the sound of the elevator doors opening, announcing someone had entered the office. The man who hesitantly stepped out of the elevator looked around the room as if searching for something. Or rather, someone, Phyllis realized when she noticed the visitor to be Joseph.

His timing couldn't have been better, she thought, before announcing to Thomas, „Oh, is it that late, already?“ To make sure it was really time to leave and not Joseph being much too early due to his odd insecurities, Phyllis checked her watch. Thomas only raised his eyebrows at his friend in question.

„Why don't we continue this tomorrow? Joseph's here and I don't want to keep him waiting.“ To emphasize her statement, she nudged her head slightly towards the elevator where Thomas noticed the visitor.  
Thomas' look of confusion hadn't changed, so she tried to explain, „I told you. He's coming with me to the thea-“ but before she could finish her sentence she got interrupted by Thomas, „This is Joseph? As in your neighbour Joseph whom you can't shut up about?“ This -“, he exclaimed, almost disgusted and blatantly pointing a finger towards the man in question, „is Molesley. He's a joke!“

„Well, he's no joke to me. I like him“, Phyllis retorted, getting annoyed with her friend. She had begun to put her things into her bag rather hurriedly.

In an attempt to stop Phyllis from leaving, Thomas grabbed her arm, turning her to face him, „Bax, you really have a terrible taste in men!“

This came out wrong, Thomas immediately knew when he saw that hurt and angry look in his friend's eyes. She was unconsciously backing away from him, freeing herself from his grip. He had done it, she would walk out on him and never talk to him again, Thomas suddenly feared. What had driven him to that stupid remark?

„Bax, I -“ he started, but she interrupted him this time. Thomas was almost relieved at this because he didn't know how he would have continued that sentence anyway.  
She held up her hand in order to stop him. The expected tirade didn't come. Of course, this was Bax he was talking to, after all. She would never raise her voice unless absolutely neccessary – and even then, they had totally different views on what would justify an outburst.

„Don't. I know where this is coming from. I know you think that I could do … better“, she said in a calm and steady voice, not without slightly cringing at the last word, „But he's nice, you know, and funny, and I like him. And I think he likes me, too.“ There was a smile finding its way across her face while she was talking. „And I don't think I could do any better than that. But don't freak, he's just a friend, anyway, no need to get all protective.“  
Thomas looked disgusted when he replied, denying her implication, „I'm not! Why would I care?“  
His friend didn't even bother with an answer. She knew it was a lost cause to bring Thomas to admit any warm feelings towards her, so she continued without giving him an answer, „So, I'll see you tomorrow. Good night.“ Phyllis took her bag and jacket in her hands and was already halfway across the room, when Thomas shouted out at her, „Good night. Don't do anything I wouldn't do!“

Bax didn't even need to turn around for him to know that his remark would make her roll her eyes. Thomas saw Molesley's head shooting up in his direction. The man looked like a terrified rabbit at Thomas' insinuation, fuddling with something he was holding in his hands and blushing profoundly.

Bax was right, Thomas admitted to himself. He did think that she was selling herself short, going out with Molesley of all people. Then again, whenever she had talked about her neighbour in the past days, Thomas would have never connected that man to the pathetic Molesley he knew, the one that everyone at the pub only made fun of. In her world, he was friendly and funny, though a bit awkward at moments. It seemed, that her Molesley wasn't his Molesley.  
And if Thomas hadn't been so lost in his own thoughts, he might have noticed how Joe's attitude had completely changed as soon as Phyllis had approached him with a big smile and greeted him with a small hug. Molesley courteously offered her his arm and when she took it, he led her to the elevator, carrying himself with a confidence Thomas had not once seen him with.


	13. one evening - two places

Soon, Thomas' thoughts wandered from concern about Molesley's suitability as a date for his friend to downright anger about the way Bax had left him standing there. What did she think, walking out on him like that? She knew what he wanted and she'd better keep her word or else he would have to resort to harsher measures. If Bax thought that she could play with him, she was gravely mistaken – she had a debt to pay and he would demand it. She wouldn't be able to rely on Molesley on the next occasion when Thomas cornered her to claim answers for his questions. Molesley to the rescue, Thomas thought bitterly. He would have laughed at the irony of the situation – awkwardly ambitious and socially inept Joe Molesley of all people being the one to hinder him from gaining the information he wanted – if he hadn't been so infuriated.  
The only possible way to calm himself down a tad would be a walk and a visit at Beryl's, he concluded. He was in a sulky mood which meant that he wouldn't get any work done today, anyway, so he grabbed his bag and walked past the desks to the elevator where only minutes ago Bax and Molesley had stood. Before he pushed the button, Thomas took a moment to fish his phone out of his pocket and check it for new messages and the time. He wanted to make sure that Bax would definitely be gone when he arrived downstairs. The last thing he wanted to see tonight was happy people on dates. 

No, he corrected himself as soon as the elevator doors opened to reveal Andy, who had apparently also decided to get a little quiet work done on a saturday evening. 

The last thing he wanted to be confronted with tonight was cheerful Andy. 

Thomas tried to squeeze his way between the elevator door and Andy without much success because the younger man instantly started to involve him in a conversation. Thomas didn't listen to his ramblings about something apparently important to get written tonight and Daisy, Andy's recent girlfriend. Those two had met when Andy first accompanied Thomas to his regular pub one day after work. Since then, the two young people had been inseperable and Andy spent all his free time at the pub which somehow nagged Thomas whose main reason to go there was the peace and quiet he got there. If this was becoming a regular hang-out place for his co-workers – first Andy and now also Bax, as it seemed – Thomas would have to find himself a new place where he could drown his misery in whisky.

„Listen, Andy, I'm in some kind of a hurry and not in the best of moods. Why don't you do what you have to do and I do what I have to do? I'm leaving for the pub now, if you don't mind“, Thomas snarled at the other man. 

He hoped that his voice sounded annoyed enough to make Andy leave him alone and get on with his own business. Due to the fact that he had totally zoomed out during Andy's never-ending monologue though, Thomas was perplexed to find his assistant still in the elevator when it began to move downwards. Hadn't he said something about getting work done? Why the hell was he going back down, now?

„Oh well“, Andy said, „I might just as well leave this on Charlie's table first thing in the morning. I wanted to go and see Daisy anyway, so I'll come with you right away.“

Well, so much for no happy couples. Just my luck, Thomas told himself with more than just a hint of sarcasm. What Thomas had envisioned as a night of getting unreasonably drunk would now turn into a nightmare of Andy and Daisy having it out, he feared. Really, Thomas could barely think of anything more disgusting than those two lovebirds flirting with each other, fighting and making out afterwards, all in the span of a half hour.

 

Two hours later, Thomas' assumptions about the outcome of this evening had proved to be true. He was indeed sitting alone at one of the tables facing the bar, his fourth or fifth glass of whisky before him, with a front row view to the Andy-and-Daisy-show. The alcohol was starting to get to him but he was still as equally angry and upset as he had been before he'd left the office.

Then again, this was still better than spending the night at home, trying to make up his mind about Charles' secret with Mrs. Gregson and Bax' newfound friendship with the cranky Mr. Molesley. At least, here he got a laugh out of the slap Andy had received from his girlfriend earlier for making a remark about one of the girls who had occupied the table next to his own.  
Thomas would most definitely pay the price for getting terrible drunk tomorrow morning. He could already imagine himself waking up with a horrendous headache but he supposed it would be entirely worth it if the alcohol could make him forget the memory of Andy and Daisy behaving disgustingly soppy, ogling each other and surreptitously holding hands over the counter of the bar.

 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

„This was intriguing“, Phyllis said, still thrilled about the play. „Please excuse my enthusiasm“, she continued almost a little shy about her strong feeling, „but I'm just really into theatre and never got much of a chance to see a play lately. And I've never seen Macbeth on the stage, it's so fascinating.“

Joe couldn't help but smile broadly at his companion's elaborations, her avid babbling simply captivated him. Since they had left the theatre, she had been going on and on about the play. She hadn't even taken notice of the young woman with a friendly smile who had made her way towards their table in the little cafe nearby the theatre and was now waiting to take their order.

„Uh um... Miss Baxter, what would you like to have? Coffee, perhaps?“ he tentatively suggested.

„Oh yeah, coffee would be great, thank you“, she replied a little startled, shifting her head from him to the waitress.

„That's two cups then, please Ivy“, Joseph repeated, „and do you happen to have two of those homemade cinnamon rolls left?“ 

The girl, Ivy, nodded and left them to fix the order. Phyllis was smiling. It hadn't gone unnoticed by her that he had made sure to be the one making the order. He supposedly wanted to be a gentleman and pay the bills later, too. Which gave her a strange little tingling in the stomach area. She really wanted to consider him only a friend and yet, it was nice that he made such an effort.

„Do you happen to be here often?“, Phyllis inquired to start a conversation. The familiar way in which he had addressed the waitress implied that he was a regular. It was one of those silly things Phyllis had always wanted to accomplish: to be able to order 'the usual' in a cafe with the staff knowing exactly what she wanted.

„As it it, I am. I've known Ivy and Alfred before they opened the cafe last year. They used to work at the school cafeteria and after they married, they got themselves this little cafe. It's a flourishing business, people like the cosy atmosphere and the homemade cakes.“

Looking around the room, Phyllis had to agree, it really was a cosy little place. Their table was one of a group close to the front window, the light wooden tables and the slightly worn looking, colored chairs looked just as inviting as the large bookshelf that covered most of the wall across from them. In front of it, various different armchairs had been arranged with small side tables. Those two areas of the cafe were seperated by the path towards the counter where take away coffee could be ordered or cake could be chosen from the display.  
At this time of the night it wasn't crowded. They were the only customers on their side of the room and only a few of the armchairs were occupied by customers, one of them reading a book and two youngish looking women were softly engaged in a conversation. 

It was when Joseph mentioned that evidently, they had hired a help that Phyllis noticed the girl with the bright red hair who cleared away some dirty dishes.

„Oh my“, she said, panicking a little and trying to duck herself further into the corner behind her.

Joseph frantically turned his head, searching for the source of her distress. „What is it?“ he asked when he couldn't make out a threat.

Leaning closer to him as if that would make her invisible to the person in question, she whispered conspirationally, „That girl who's clearing the dishes, I know her. She works as a receptionist for the newspaper.“

„Oh“, Joseph replied. That didn't explain his friend's strange reaction at all. „So, you don't like her?“ he assumed.

„No, I do. Gwen's a nice one. But our boss wouldn't like it at all if he knew she had a second job. He thinks it's not good for any of us to be distracted.“

Joseph didn't miss the uneasiness in her voice and asked, „What are you going to do now? Tell her on?“

Immediately, Phyllis shook her head, „No, I won't. But I hate to be a secret keeper.“

Joseph opened his mouth but before he could say anything, he heard a loud, terrified female voice across the room. 

„Phyllis?“ So, Gwen had seen her, too. She was soon rushing over to their table, continuing in a much less shrieking tone, „Oh my God, Phyllis, please don't tell anyone I work here. Charles would kill me if he knew!“

Joseph inwardly rolled his eyes. That girl liked to dramatise things a little, it appeared. She was almost choking at her own words. When he looked at Phyllis, he saw her smiling with pure kindness so he supposed that the girl's extreme reaction was uncalled for. 

„Do calm down, dear“, Phyllis told her soothingly, „I won't tell Charles. Why would I? But I would like to know why you have this job when you know that you shouldn't?“

Gwen looked at them, letting out a deep breath that indicated her relief about not having to fear for her. She put the used dishes on one of the empty tables and sat herself down across from Phyllis and told her the reasons for taking on a second job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for making it down here. You know … review and stuff...  
> I would love to know whether you are more a cafe-person or a pub-person. Personally, I love a cosy cafe atmosphere more, but with the right people, hanging in the pub is great, too.
> 
> \- lizzie


	14. in which a friendship develops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is kind of a long chapter for my standards, but I didn't want to cut it in two, fearing that the atmosphere wouldn't be the same if the two parts were posted seperately.
> 
> Two weeks have passed since the last chapter. In the meantime, Thomas and Phyllis have taken up the habit of getting to work together. The paragraphs in italics are flashbacks to the monday after where the last chapter ended. I hope, this is not too confusing, but I wanted to try something out.

_That following Monday morning had been the first time that Thomas was waiting at her door when Phyllis left the house for work. Upon seeing her confused, questioning glare he had casually told her that her place was on his way to work, anyway and they might as well take the short bike ride together._

Even now two weeks later, Phyllis hadn't quite made her mind up about his true intentions. Some days she almost believed that Thomas enjoyed the extra time they spent together. The soon to become regular bike rides to and from work had turned out to be rather convenient for talks that weren't meant for their colleagues' ears. But there was also that other voice inside her head that reasoned Thomas only spent the extra time with her because it served to shield her further away from the rest of the colleagues and gave him more opportunities to get on her nerves.

Recently, Thomas had put that idea in his head that Phyllis knew something about Gwen that he could use against the girl. Due to him and Bax regularly arriving at work together, it hadn't gone unnoticed by him that the two women had suddenly become much closer. In her first week at the newspaper, Phyllis had barely spoken a word with the receptionist downstairs but ever since that first day he had arrived at work alongside his friend, those two seemed to engage in lively conversation whenever they saw each other. Thomas had asked Phyllis more than once about the sudden connection but she had always denied any of his assumptions.

That morning, they were especially suspicious when Thomas saw them standing close together, whispering about something and stopping immediately as soon as he put a feet inside the building. Ever since Edith Gregson had paid another visit to the ageny a few days prior to announce that the annual staff get-together would be at the Mason's, Thomas had been particularly sour. As it turned out, this was the secret she and Charlie had had and the reason why they had argued when she had last come to work. Apparently, Charles had suggested a visit at a museum but Edith Gregson had thought it to be much more fun if they all just spent a nice evening together in the pub. When she had announced the location for the get-together would be the Mason's she implied that Charles didn't altogether appreciate it as 'there was someone who would rather indulge in cultural activity' as she had put it while glancing over at him. Everyone had welcomed the idea – everyone except Charles, of course, and Thomas. The latter had chosen to be sulky, partly because he regarded the choice of location as an invasion of his privacy, and partly because he had wasted so much energy on finding out that mysterious secret that was nothing more than a nice surprise.

In was his current mood that made Phyllis even more cautious than normally when it came to Gwen. Thomas was right, she did know something rather delicate about the girl. Something which she most definitely did not want to share with Thomas, knowing that he would use it against Gwen on the next best occasion.

_After Gwen's initial shock when they had incidentally met in Ivy's cafe, the younger woman had soon warmed to Phyllis and her companion that night, believing that they wouldn't tell her on. So, she had told them about her dreams to become a literary agent one time. They had listened to her story of how she had just started uni when her parents suddenly died and she was left to take care for herself. She had struggled for almost a year before she had decided to give up her dream for now and get a job instead. Even when she had found the work at the newspaper her dream was still to go back to uni one day. The only problem was that she didn't have enough money and Charles would never agree to employ her part-time while she studied. So, she had taken on the job in Ivy's cafe, it was only a few hours in the evening, but it was good extra money which she could save._

_Phyllis had been touched by the story, she knew it wasn't easy to get after one's dreams sometimes. When she had been younger, she had had to struggle, too. It had always been her and her mom, Phyllis remembered how things had been tough, even when she was a child money had always been short. So she had learned early in life that she had to work hard to achieve what she wanted. And in the end, it had paid off in the form of a scholarship for university. Sadly, her mother hadn't lived to see her daughter go to uni – just like Gwen's parents would never see their daughter become successful in her field._

_Joseph had been even more fascinated by the girl's ambitions. That was how Phyllis found out that he loved everything about literature, English literature especially. Soon, he and Gwen had been involved in a heated discussion about some novel Phyllis didn't remember the name of. She hadn't gotten half of it but she had enjoyed watching them. It intrigued her to see people get so emotional over something they liked._

_She had thourougly enjoyed that evening and didn't quite know what to make of it at first, when Gwen had approached her that Monday morning after their encounter, asking her if she was really fine with Gwen and Joseph meeting again after her work in the cafe to discuss literature._

_„Why ever shouldn't I be okay with it?"_

_„Well, I just don't want you to think I'm not loyal to you by meeting with your boyfriend, while you are keeping my secret", Gwen tried to explain her reservations, „I'm seeing someone myself, you know. But he's not much into literature, so it's a nice change to be able to talk to someone who actually loves it as much as I do."_

_Phyllis smiled, it was the second time in three days that someone thought her and Joseph were more than friends. „First of all, Mr. Molesley is not my boyfriend, he's just a friend. And secondly, even if he was I wouldn't keep him from seeing you."_

* * *

 

That conversation from about two weeks ago was still on her mind when Phyllis greeted Gwen one late morning and Thomas was still outside the building. His phone had rang just before he could follow her inside, it gave her at least a few minutes to talk to Gwen.

„Good morning, Gwen", she smiled at the younger woman asking in a playful tone, „how was your date with my neighbour last night?" Her smirk immediately turned into a frown upon seeing the other woman's distressed expression.

„It wasn't a date", Gwen objected, „but it was nice in the beginning. Quite nice, actually, until Damian showed up and made a real scene. It was quite embarrassing, not only for him but for me as well, given the fact that Ivy saw everything. I'm glad she didn't fire me after this awful display. I bet Joseph doesn't want to have anything to do with me, anymore. He left as soon as Damian let go of him, looking rather fed up with the whole situation."

„You should talk to him, I'm sure you two can work it out", Phyllis encouraged her friend, „Maybe without Damian around, though", she added as an afterthought.

Gwen smiled bitterly, „Oh, that won't be a problem. I dumped him after that. He knew I was only meeting a friend and still he accused me of fooling around, which I never would, by the way. And with Joseph of all people, he isn't even my type." Gwen wasn't quite sure why she said the last part but something inside her still felt that Phyllis needed to be assured that there was really nothing going on between her and Joseph. Sure, she kept denying any deeper feelings for her neighbour but Gwen wasn't convinced. In fact, Gwen was feeling more sure with every time Phyllis denied it, that she was indeed harbouring deeper feelings for that man.

Gwen waited for a reply that didn't come. Phyllis was looking past her at something that had appeared in the lobby of the big building. Or rather at someone – Thomas had finally finished his phone call and was just entering the building. So, their conversation would have to be postponed. Gwen had noticed already that Phyllis never seemed comfortable talking to her whenever Thomas was around. It was almost as if she was afraid of him even though she never failed to mention that they were close friends.

Saying her good-bye to Gwen, Phyllis turned towards the elevator where she was met by Thomas „I wish you'd tell me what you know about that one", he whispered to her ear, making sure Gwen couldn't hear his words.

„I don't know anything", Phyllis said looking up at Thomas, her voice was surprisingly steadier that she was feeling.

„No, what you suspect, then", Thomas urged her. Obviously he noticed that she wasn't telling him the truth by the way she turned her head away from him as soon as he looked her in the eyes, „Don't deny it, 'cause I've seen you. You can't keep away from her whenever no one else is around. You two always stick together like glue."

Leave it to Thomas to state the obvious. It was true that Gwen and her spent a lot of time together at work. She as the only one who actually bothered with Phyllis while the others tried to stay away from her. She was friends with Thomas, so naturally they thought she must be just like him. Gwen was the only one who didn't, she was nice to Phyllis because Phyllis had been nice to her. When the elevator arrived and they stepped inside, she turned and her glance fell on Gwen, who was already talking animatedly to someone on the phone. No, she thought, she wouldn't betray the girl's trust by giving in to Thomas' bullying. Before she could brace herself for another round of questioning, the closing doors were pushed open again by Andy, who was also running late and therefore jumped in to the elevator just before it closed completely.

„Can I join in?" he asked with a lopsided grin.

„Do you have to?" Thomas retorted, more than annoyed at the interruption.

His assistant only shrugged at the grumpy reply, he had gotten used to Thomas' bad moods and didn't mind too much. As soon as the elevator doors opened again at their floor, Thomas walked out as fast as he could without so much as glancing back. Phyllis knew that he pretended to ignore her just to make her feel guilty about the fact that she didn't provide him with the information he wanted. She knew his behaviour only served to put more pressure on her. The problem was, it was working.

* * *

 

Thomas had chosen to keep ignoring Phyllis that day. Apart from that nagging feeling of guilt that creeped its way into her mind even though she knew his discontent wasn't entirely her fault, Phyllis didn't mind too much. It was a nice change to be able to work peacefully without the constant glare she normally had to endure. She had already gotten more work done by the early afternoon than she usually would have in the whole day. Phyllis stretched in front of her computer and checked the time. It was only half past two but she was beginning to feel a little tired – the work had worn her out. Maybe it was time for a short break, a coffee would definitely do her good now.

She was just pouring coffee into her cup when Thomas appeared out of nowhere next to her. Just as he had ignored her the whole morning she was determined to ignore him now and walk straight past him. But Thomas blocked her way which prevented her from going anywhere.

„Mr. Barr-" Phyllis started, chosing the formal address in order to put some distance between them, at the same time backing away a little from Thomas. She didn't want the two interns that were sitting at one of the tables in the break room to get suspicious about what was going on.

Thomas was cunning enough to get what she intended and mocked her by stepping closer to her, his piercing glare almost bore into her, when he interrupted her, „I'm tired of waiting, Miss Baxter".

„I'm tired of being bullied", she retorted, disgusted not only of his constant pestering but also of his altogether mean plotting.

Thomas made sure not to let it show that the tone of her voice did get to him a little. Instead, he came even closer to her, knowing fully well how much that intimidated her. His threatening stare didn't fail him and neither did his menacing whispered harsh words, „I got you this job, you knew what I wanted in return. So don't complain about it now."

„Why don't you mind your own business and be contented with what information I can give you about the visitors Charles has?" Thanks to her friendship with Gwen, Phyllis could sometimes get some information from the receptionist about unknown visitors Charles would have or occasionally even what those meetings were about.

„What good will it be for me to know what boring appointments the boss has? If I have to spell it out for you I want blackmail material and not that stupid nonsense you try to feed me! And I know there's something about Gwen you're not telling me."

„I can't tell you what I don't know!" Phyllis snapped at him.

„Stop playing that game with me, Bax! I know that you know something. You can't fool me. There's something wrong with that girl and you know what it is. But if you don't want to tell me – if you rather safe her ass than yours – that's fine with me. You don't keep your part of the agreement, I don't keep mine. It's as simple as that. I give you until tomorrow and if you still want to stay quiet, then I'll tell Charles everything."

In reality, telling Charles everything was the last thing Thomas wanted to do. It would mean that he lost his power over Bax and most likely, Charles would be furious with him for putting her forward for the job in the first place. That he had to resort to this bothered him. Bax wasn't stupid, she would sooner or later realize that it was an empty threat. He became even more bothered when she didn't show any reaction to his words at all.

„Do you hear what I'm saying?" Thomas hissed, trying to sound as menacing as he could.

Again, she didn't say a word. Instead, her whole body began to shake severely in fear of what was to come next. Even after Thomas had turned away from her and abruptly left the break room, Phyllis had to support herself on the counter of the kitchen. His threats and the tone of his voice had transported her back to Manchester. Back to Peter who had so often spoken to her in that dangerous whisper just before he had resorted to other methods of making her compliant. For a moment, she had been sure that Thomas would hit her. But then, he had just left, leaving her standing there in fear of his threat and feeling ashamed of herself for even thinking that Thomas would hurt her in that way.

Phyllis tried to calm herself down a bit, slowly sipping her coffee and taking a few deep breaths. Even after some minutes she still felt a little shaky, though. She put down her cup and made her way straight to the elevator. A walk and some fresh air would do her good.


	15. in which change is coming

The walk had indeed calmed her down. In fact so much that she even had agreed to Thomas' suggestion of getting home together, and so she had found herself riding her bike next to him a few hours later. It was a strange situation in which both of them seemed to pretend that the conversation in the break room hadn't happened. That was, until Thomas had started – halfway home – to pester her again about his suspicions regarding Gwen.

Phyllis had never been so glad to close the front door behind her when she had finally said good-bye to Thomas. Today, it served as a solid barrier between her and the constant strain to collect and deliver information for Thomas. When she had agreed to his conditions she had told herself that she could cope with the pressure. The last days and weeks Phyllis had spent pretending that she didn't mind Thomas and his unhealthy interest in other people's lives. Today however, reality had hit her when Thomas had set her an ultimatum. The way in which he had reminded her that she owed him and that it would be better for both of them if she just did as he said, reminded her too much of another time, another exploitative relationship in which she had been too blind for too long to notice that it didn't do her any good. Everything inside her rebelled against going down that path again, everything except that tiny voice in her head that told her she didn't really have a choice. If she didn't do as Thomas wanted, he would expose her to be an untrustworthy person, which was exactly what she would be in case she didn't give in. It drove her round the bend.

Every step up the stairs seemed to be one too many for Phyllis who was suddenly more than exhausted. Accomplishing the walk up to her flat proved to be a nearly impossible task, so it was no wonder that, when she finally reached her landing after what felt like an eternity, she didn't make it to her apartment. Climbing up the two flights of stairs had left Phyllis feeling as is she'd just run a marathon. It was as if her lungs were tied together, even grasping for air was tiring and made her feel dizzy. The last thing she would remember later was how she had leaned against the wall, before she sank down to the floor and all tension inside of her broke lose into a fit of uncontrolled cries.

It was how Joe found her a good 20 minutes later. He had been shopping for groceries after work, thus being back home later than he normally would have been on a weekday. When he had entered the building, Joe had been totally unsuspecting, having his headphones on he didn't take in much of his surroundings. Therefore, he didn't hear the cries coming from above and it wasn't until he had almost reached the level of his apartment that he saw the woman sitting on the floor next to his door. She had buried her head in her hands, knees pulled tightly to her and all Joe could see was that her whole body was shaking with sobs. Some strands of her dark hair had fallen loose from her customary ponytail which made her appear even more distraught. In no time at all, he rushed to her side, tossing the bags with his purchases carelessly on the floor.

After a moment or so of just sitting next to Phyllis, Joe realized that she hadn't even noticed his presence. She was still sobbing, not looking up, so he said some soothing words to her quietly, not to startle her before he tentatively put his arm around her back, pulling her a little closer to him.

Phyllis had a war going on in her head. She wanted to be alone and drown in self-pity. She wanted to embrace the hopelessness of her situation and cry until she had no more tears left. She wanted to curse Thomas for his actions towards her and she wanted to curse herself for making a wrong decision. Again. When she really should have known better than to let her life be controlled by someone else. Again.

At the same time, she also wanted to snuggle closer to Joseph and lean her head on his shoulder while he was whispering little words of comfort to her ear. It was the first time in years that Phyllis enjoyed a man's company that much. Of course, meeting up with Joseph or going out together had been nice from the beginning on, but in that moment, she could say with absolute certainty that she felt comfortable in his presence. She didn't mind the closeness, she didn't even mind him kissing her forehead when her cries had ceased a little. A gesture that implied a much more intimate and less just-friendly-like relationship than the one they had, taking into account the extremely slow and restrained pace with what they had been going. It didn't feel wrong, though. In fact, sitting there together, slumped on the floor, felt so natural, as if every accidental meeting, every interaction, every talk, had lead to this moment. If she wanted to maintain their friendship or maybe even take it one step further, she would have to tell him the truth, now. There was no way that she could get out of this situation without disclosing her past to him. Or parts of it, anyhow.

Phyllis took a deep breath, partly to calm herself down and partly to ready herself for the story she was about to tell. She tried to smile up at him but it was more than she could manage.

„Aren't I quite pathetic? Sitting in the middle of the hallway and not being able to stop crying?" Again, the attempt to lighten the mood a little didn't go as planned when her hollow laugh turned into another sob.

Joseph looked at her intently, his eyes narrowed, and shook his head. „No, I don't think you are. I suppose there is a reason behind all this?" He waited for her to nod in confirmation before he continued, „See? Then, it's not pathetic at all. Whatever it is that makes you sad, you have every right to cry about it. Don't get me wrong, I don't want you to tell me what it is if you don't want to."

Surrendering to the mixed feeling of the need to postpone the undeniable and relief of getting the truth off her chest – or at least as much as Joseph needed to know - Phyllis sighed, „I think I have to tell you. You have a right to know."

Joe didn't miss the tears that had formed in her eyes again and were threatening to fall, once more. He let go of Phyllis for a moment in favor of fishing something out of his bag. „Here, have this", he said after having pulled out two bottles of beer, opening them and handing one to Phyllis. She gave him a sceptical look, so he nudged, „I know it won't help, but it'll calm you down a bit."

Finally, she took the bottle, and drank a sip before she told him everything about Thomas schemes and her own role in it. She told him about her life with Peter and how he had manipulated her. How she had lost her job and how all this connected to Thomas and her current situation. What she left out though, were those last months of that wicked relationship with Peter, because she was still somehow embarrassed about it. Phyllis knew it was irrational to feel responsible for Peter's abusive behaviour yet she couldn't get over the fact that it was her who had been stupid enough not to put a stop to it. Joseph was a patient listener, he never once interrupted her and gave her the time she needed, all the while keeping her close to him.

„I feel so lost, like I don't know who I am, anymore. All this rebuilding my life, sliding into that mess with Thomas, I don't know what to do. I know that I can't bear to be controlled again. I've been there and it's been horrible. Peter was nasty and he made me nasty, too, and I didn't realize it until it was way too late. I don't ever want to go there, again. On the other hand I owe a great deal to Thomas because without him, I wouldn't have this job. And I wonder if I'm overreacting, if I should just accept that Thomas wants something in return for his help."

„I won't tell you what to do because that is entirely your decision. Only you can decide what's best for you. But I think, you can't make a new start and make all the same mistakes over again. The worst thing that could happen is that your boss learns the truth from Thomas. I'd say you should tell your boss about your past. Explain to him what you did and tell him what you told me, that you changed. Maybe he will appreciate your honesty and you can stay on righteous terms."

„And if he doesn't? If he fires me for leading him on in the first place?"

„Then, you at least know what you're at. And, you don't succumb to Thomas' bullying."

* * *

 

Phyllis still thought about those words much later in the evening when she was lying in bed and sleep would not come to her. After tossing and turning around for a while, she finally fell into an uneasy sleep. That night she dreamt of all the possible scenarios her decision could evoke. There was Charles shouting at her and dragging her out of the office and there was Thomas who wouldn't talk to her because he saw her honesty as a betrayal of their friendship. She had another dream in which Thomas was the only person talking to her at all, because all the others had turned away from both of them. She also remembered a particularly disturbing dream in which Thomas was getting drunk on beer at work and Elsie was dancing a quickstep around the office with Joseph... what did he do at her workplace, in the first place?

Phyllis supposed that all this dreaming would leave her even more indecisive than before, but to her surprise it didn't. When she got up the next morning, she had made up her mind.


	16. in which the tables turn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you find the time, I'd like to know what you think of the peculiar friendship between Thomas and Phyllis. I'm uncertain if how I try to depict them works.

The first thing Phyllis did when she arrived at work was to make a visit to Charles' office. Today, she had left home earlier than usually, not wanting to face Thomas before she had a chance to see Charles. Her boss was more than a little surprised to find one of his employees in his office before work had even begun. Normally, they wouldn't come to him before lunchtime to complain about one thing or another.

„What is it you want this early in the morning?" Charles asked, a little more brusque than he had intended to, looking up at the woman in front of his desk.

After a few moments of silence, Phyllis replied, „I need to tell you something before Thomas does."

„Does this have anything to do with why you weren't at the party last night? Because I wondered why you didn't show up." It was true, it bothered Charles that his newest addition to the staff had decided not to appear to the annual company party. Even though he hadn't liked the choice of location himself, he expected all his employees to make an appearance at the gathering.

„No, I wasn't feeling well, I'm afraid", she excused herself, „But this is something else. Thomas wants to tell you something from my past, Mr. Carson. I have a secret, you see, a bad secret."

Now, he was getting exasperated. His main focus was to keep the newspaper running smoothly, he didn't want any troubles that would only distract his people from their work. He certainly didn't want them to have any bad secrets. „A secret? How does Thomas know it? You better tell me what it is", Charles demanded, sitting down behind his desk, making sure to keep up the professional atmosphere.

„He's probably told you, that we were friends when we were younger. A few years ago I worked as a personal assistant to a politician in Manchester. It was a highly respected position that came with lots of confidential information. One day, I released some top secret info about my employer to the press. But that's not all – when it became scandal I denied having to do anything with it. I was found out soon after, everything linked me to the leak and I was released from my services immediately."

Charles furrowed his brows, his expression had become darker during Phyllis' little speech. It was more than clear that he disapproved of her behaviour with every fiber of his being. He processed the new information for a few seconds before he remembered how she had started. Why was it always Thomas who was involved when something shifty was going on?

Phyllis could read the dreaded question that was yet to come in Charles expression. He would ask her why Thomas didn't tell him in the first place. Why he thought it fit to put someone with her past forward for a job at all.

Before Charles could form the words though, the door to his office swung open revealing Elsie. Charles didn't want to further this conversation with someone listening. Even if it was Elsie, he wanted to remain the respectable impression of discretion. At least as long as Phyllis was around.

„Thank you, Miss Baxter", was all he said. The dismissive way in which he looked at Phyllis made her know that this conversation was over. He wouldn't make a decision right away. When she closed the office door behind her, Phyllis felt oddly relieved. She knew that from there, things could go either way but it felt good to know that she wouldn't have to hide anymore. No matter how Charles would decide, she didn't have to be afraid of Thomas anymore.

Phyllis saw Thomas walking in about an hour after that. He walked straight up to Charles' office as soon as he entered the agency, as she had expected him to. As she had neither come to the pub the evening before nor waited for him that morning outside her house, she suspected that Thomas would want to see Charles first thing and tell him everything. What did surprise her though was, that Andy was with Thomas.

* * *

 

Charles was sitting at his desk, trying to get some work done and at the same time still thinking about the conversation he had had earlier with Phyllis. He hadn't known her long enough to make up his mind about her and it did seem easy to judge her based on her friendship with Thomas, but he did get the feeling that there was more to it. Phyllis Baxter didn't strike him as a person who would be spiteful enough to deceive her employer. At least, she had appeared loyal in the time she had been working for the newspaper.

He would definitely have to talk to Thomas about the matter, and then to Elsie. She would know what to do. Charles was still thinking about the matter when his door opened and in came Thomas. Charles' was about to question him when Andy's head appeared in the doorway.

„Can we speak with you, Charles?", Thomas addressed his boss, gesturing Andy to come in, too.

„Why does everyone want to talk to me today?", Charles mumbled. Then, upon seeing Thomas' slightly confused look, added, „Yes, sure come in."

Thomas slouched himself down on one of the chairs in front of Charlie's desk, Andy on the other hand seemed more reluctant due to his natural reservations.

„We're here because of the leaked article", Thomas explained, „You remember? The one from a few weeks ago."

Charles gave him a disapproving glance. Of course, he remembered. How could he forget the thoughtlessness of the duo sitting in front of him? He gave short nod which encouraged Thomas to move on.

„The thing is, we know who leaked it. Andy here saw her last night in the pub. Stupid move of her to come there again, I'd say. But good for us." At that, Thomas smirked in a way which Charles didn't like at all. It practically screamed mischief.

When Thomas left it at that and made no attempt to elaborate any further, Andy took the opportunity to speak up, „I went over to her and tried to chat her up again, you know, telling her how nice it was to see her again and things. Don't worry, I didn't tell her anything important."

„Of course, you didn't", Thomas interrupted, „You're not that stupid!"

„No. Thomas here had the idea to feed her some false information which I did. Or tried to. We hope she bought it, now we only have to wait and see if she's stupid enough to use it. Guess her boss won't be too happy if she's selling him lies. Her name is Gladys Denker and apparently, she doesn't even work for another paper, she's just gathering information and selling it to various people."

Charles couldn't help to be proud of the two men in front of him. Andy had made a mistake but he had done his best to make up for it and Thomas had helped him. And he liked the way they had gotten back at that woman in the pub, beating her at her own game. It almost made him forget to be angry at Thomas. Almost.

„Thank you for telling me, though I don't want to hear anything of how you are getting back at that terrible woman. Are we understood?", Charles reprimanded them. Even if he was glad that the story was resolved now, he didn't want to know any more about it. After all, he was the boss and he had to maintain a professional attitude. „You may leave now."

Andy got up as fast as he could and left the office in a hurry. Thomas took a little more time though, being his normal, seemingly casual self. Charles called him back when he had almost reached the door.

„Before you leave, Thomas, there's something I want to speak to you about", he said in a serious voice.

Thomas eyed him skeptically. He felt like quite the hero of the day, with this whole Miss-Denker-thing from last night being his plan and all. Therefore, the uneasy tone of Charles' voice did unsettle him a bit.

„Maybe you'd better sit down again", Charles demanded, „and then you can tell me whatever it is you know about that friend of yours who you so conveniently smuggled in to the agency."

Thomas gave him a look of confusion, but Charles would see nothing of it. As he already knew everything he would not be fooled by Thomas' feigned innocence.

„Don't you dare look at me like that, Thomas Barrow", he barked, „I know about Miss Baxter. What I don't understand though is, why you thought it a good idea to put someone with her past forward to a job here. Honestly, what were you thinking?"

Thomas tried not to show that he was quite taken aback by this outburst. So, she had told Charles. Not too bad of a move, Thomas had to admit. This way, it was him who looked like the traitor, unless he could find an excuse pretty soon. Charles was looking at him expectantly.

„It is true", he said, „I knew about her past. But I also thought she deserved a second chance without being judged." Inwardly, Thomas smiled. He really was great at making excuses. Charles couldn't hold his good intentions against him.

Charles however, did know that Thomas was trying to feed him some lies. It couldn't be more obvious that Thomas' intentions had been everything but honest. Otherwise, he would have told Charles from the beginning what he knew about Miss Baxter. He supposed that Thomas had wanted to use that knowledge for his own benefit somehow. After all, he hadn't forgotten her words from that morning, „...before Thomas does.", she had said. So, obviously, Thomas had intended to tell him, if -? If what? That was what he needed to find out.

He decided to let Thomas off the hook for now, he wouldn't say anything about it, anyway.

* * *

 

„You think you're so clever, don't you", Thomas hissed, „You could have get me sacked!"

Phyllis looked up from her screen at Thomas' words. She had never seen him so alarmingly angry.

„Listen, I'm sorry if you're having troubles with Charles now", she said, „but I had to tell him. I like my job here and the last thing I want is to lose it."

„Yeah sure, it's not as if we were ever friends", Thomas said, sounding more than a little disappointed.

„Don't say that, of course we're friends! But I couldn't go on like this, I'm not like that."

„You're not loyal to those who help you, you mean?"

„I just don't want to lie to people who are nice to me, that's all. I'm not like that", she repeated.

„You didn't seem to have that problem when you lied for your ex-boyfriend!"

Phyllis only glared at him and said nothing. How cheap of him to mention Peter. Thomas knew how much she hated herself for having let Peter get to her like that. Still, he had taken a habit to bringing him up whenever he saw fit. It was as if he wanted to make her suffer.

„Just go", was all she managed to say when, after a few minutes, Thomas was still standing in front of her desk.


	17. in which things have to be said

In the days following Phyllis' revelation in front of Charles, the atmosphere in the agency seemed to have altogether cooled down. It wasn't just that Thomas barely spoke to her, his relationship with Andy had also changed after Charles had declared that the young man would from now on work in the politics department for good. It looked as if really no one wanted to be around Thomas any longer.

Phyllis felt bad for him, she still considered Thomas a friend which made it more difficult for her to watch how Andy alienated himself from him while she could do nothing to prevent that friendship from going down the drain.

* * *

 

Andy didn't talk much about his reasons for turning away from Thomas. He didn't need to, Phyllis had heard the rumors, too. Lately, people were gossiping about the two men being much too close. One day, she had even heard a particularly nasty remark from one of the regular mail boys stating that the likes of Thomas weren't good company for a young guy like Andy. Phyllis had reacted rather harshly by snatching the letters from him and glaring at him in a most menacing way. She hated prejudice and she hated how everybody thought that they had to shield Andy away from Thomas.

One night after work, Phyllis hoped that she would be able to talk to Thomas in the pub, but he wasn't there. She had asked Mrs. Mason about it but the pub owner had just shrugged it off, apparently neither knowing nor caring where Thomas was.

Andy was sitting at the other end of the bar, talking animatedly with Daisy. Phyllis didn't bother walking over there, Andy had already made it quite clear to her that afternoon that he had no interest at all in Thomas' whereabouts.

Mrs. Mason must have noticed the disappointed look on her face and remarked, „What's gotten into you, dearie? You look as if you had a bad day."

„I'd say I had a bad week. I was looking for Thomas, hoping to talk to him."

„So, he's the source of your troubles, too? As if it wasn't enough what he put young Andrew through", the woman on the other side of the counter grumbled.

The remark confused Phyllis a little. After all, it had been Andy who left Thomas' side even after he had helped him to correct his mistake. „Why? What did he put him through?"

Mrs. Mason looked around, making sure that no one could listen in before she said, „Well, Thomas isn't what we would call good company for Andy. I'm glad the boy spends more time with Daisy now instead. Was always a little afraid that Thomas would talk him into things, you know?"

Phyllis knew exactly what she was talking about and it made her angry. She wouldn't have suspected her to be that narrow-minded. „Talk him into things?" she asked, „You mean, Thomas isn't the right company for Andy because he's gay?"

The pub owner looked around alarmed to check if anyone had overheard them. Phyllis had made no attempt to keep her voice down when she continued, „That really is ridiculous. They were just starting to be friends when you all began to talk Andy out of it. It's not only you, you know, but people at work, too."

Phyllis drowned her drink and left the pub soon. She didn't want to stay around people who judged Thomas like that. It troubled her that Thomas still regarded her actions as a betrayal of their friendship and therefore refused to talk to her whenever it wasn't completely necessary. She wished she could be his friend now, more than ever. She knew how much he needed a friend now that Andy had deserted him.

* * *

 

It was difficult to catch Thomas at work, these days. It was even more difficult to catch him in a quiet moment as he always made sure to be occupied in some way or another and even when he was not, he seemed to be on the run. Phyllis had put the idea of talking to him in her head though, and she was determined to be persistent about it. Finally, she caught him alone in the break room one afternoon.

She poured herself a coffee and addressed him, „I wish you would talk to me."

„Why?" he pouted, „So you can make fun of me, too?"

„I wouldn't do that and you know it."

She did sound honest and she did sound a little hurt, Thomas observed. But he wouldn't give in to those kind words she knew how to use so well. This was her way of making him come around but he wouldn't. Not this time, not after she had betrayed him.

„Maybe you wouldn't, maybe you would", he shrugged. „You want to belong, Bax", he added when she gave him a disbelieving glance, „you don't wanna be around me when you can be around them. Even Andy has turned away from me so why wouldn't you? Why don't you just leave me alone?"

„Because I am your friend. And because I'm still grateful that you got me this job, even after everything. I wish you would believe me. I am on your side."

„No, you're not! You decided to be on their side when you had to play miss goody two shoes and be all honest."

„Maybe you should try it, too. It's a trait people value, you know. But you always make it sound as if being nice was a bad thing, which it isn't."

„It's easy for you to say. You don't have to put up with all the things I have to. People don't look down on you, people don't judge you."

So, this was where it was coming from. Whenever something didn't go Thomas' way, he tended to resort to drown himself in self-pity about his sexuality. Phyllis could only suspect how hard it must be to be confronted with prejudice over and over again, she knew he had had to face enough of it already. But Thomas wasn't the only person with problems – just, he didn't see it like that. He thought that everyone else was better off than him, and that made him bitter.

„I don't judge you -", she started but was interrupted by an angry Thomas, „Then, don't pity me, don't you dare pity me!"

„I don't pity you, I care for you. Don't you ever think I'd have the time or the energy to pity you when my life is as messed up as it is. You don't have the prerogative to feel miserable. You're not the only one with problems in this world, but you won't see it because you're so self-centered! Hell, I have enough problems to last me a lifetime without you adding to it. You think that I should feel inclined to pity you even when you don't want my compassion, but I can't anymore, Thomas. I can't bring myself to sympathize with your emotional shit when I can't even cope with my own. When I still think of Peter every single day and how he made me believe that I'm not worth anything. And it still gets to me, and it makes me wonder if I will ever be able to have a normal relationship again, because right now I don't think I could ever manage. And if that wasn't enough, I'm still not sure where I'm at when it comes to work because Charles hasn't made up his mind yet whether I'm allowed to stay or not. And still I'm here for you, and I want to be a friend to you. I simply don't want you to walk out on me."

Phyllis was crying when she had finished. She was finally letting go of the tension from the last days. It was true, she didn't want to lose Thomas, when their friendship was one of the few things in her life that gave her stability. She wanted him to be around and even more she wanted to be there for him. Even though they had lived for years without each other around, Phyllis felt as if she would be lost without him if he left now.

Thomas sensed how much his friend needed to be comforted and he immediately stepped forward to embrace her. While she slowly calmed down he thought about the strange relationship they had developed since they had met again.

Sometimes, it amazed him how the two of them could even keep up their friendship when they were so different from each other. While Thomas tended to hate everything and everyone who didn't do as he wanted, Bax always tried to see the best in people. Even after he had been mean and blackmailed her she was still at his side when he needed a friend. But being a little naive had also put her into great trouble in the past. It made Thomas wonder if he had maybe overdone it a bit when he tried to use her for his own benefit. He sincerely hoped that his actions, that mirrored her past experiences so much, hadn't inflicted irreversible damage to her. Because, he didn't want her to walk out him, either.


	18. in which a kind soul helps

All her musings about Thomas and their almost lost friendship had kept Phyllis from thinking about her own troubles. Her position at work was still not a stable one after her confession and she dreaded to think about the possible consequences – Charles could still easily sack her if he thought that she didn't deserve the job she currently had. So, when she was called up to Elsie's office a week later, she was only mildly surprised. In fact, she was suddenly more sure than before that she would be asked to clear her desk and leave as fast as she could.

 

But Elsie had something different in mind, Phyllis guessed when she saw the nicely set table with tea and biscuits for two in Elsie's office. The older woman gestured her to sit down with a kind smile on her lips, Phyllis complied, feeling a little uncomfortable in the comfortable atmosphere. This didn’t match the presumable reason she was there for.

 

Elsie poured tea for both of them and offered Phyllis a biscuit, then she sat down, drinking in silence. She was calm and relaxed, everything that Phyllis was not, and it drove her nervous. But she didn’t want to appear ungrateful so she sipped at her tea, too. Mostly, because it gave her something to do while Elsie made no attempt to start a conversation.

 

“I think we both know why we’re here?” Elsie asked after a while. The sudden sound startled Phyllis so much that she almost dropped her cup. She nodded.

 

“I’ve had a long talk with Charles about you. He thinks that it would be better if Thomas and you didn’t share the same workplace.”

 

Phyllis looked down. She couldn’t bear the disapproving look she would surely find in Elsie’s expression. Her fears became true, they had decided that she wasn’t a trustworthy person and of course, if it was Thomas or her, they would always choose to keep Thomas. At least, they knew what to expect from him, while she had not once given them a reason to trust her. Quite contrary, she had lied from the beginning on and had let herself be manipulated which only proved to them that she was still that same person she would so gladly deny that she ever was.

 

Elsie sensed the insecurities of the woman in front of her, and felt she had to say something to make her less crestfallen. “But I don’t agree with Charles – not in that regard. He thinks you have to be just like Thomas or else, you wouldn’t be friends with him.”

 

“Might I ask – if it’s not too forward of me - what do you think?” Phyllis hesitantly inquired. It was obvious to Elsie that the whole matter seemed to embarrass her terribly.

 

Elsie took a moment to consider her words before she said, “I think that it is a little too easy to judge you on your friendship with Thomas Barrow. In fact, I think that anyone who stays a friend to him for as long as you have, has to be extraordinarily kind-hearted and generous in overlooking his flaws. Which I believe you are, from what I have observed in the time you’ve been working here.”

 

“That’s kind of you to say, but I think you forget that it was me who leaked confident information from my former employer. You can never be sure that I wouldn’t do the same thing again, can you?” Phyllis asked her. She was full of doubt that anyone would trust her that easily after what she had confessed to Charles.

 

“But the thing is, I am sure!” Elsie stated, “I know you wouldn’t do anything like that again, you did decide differently this time, after all. You didn’t give in to Thomas’ bullying. You went to Charles and told him about your past, yourself.”

 

None of them said anything for a while. Phyllis seemed to have to process what Elsie had told her. She wasn’t surprised that Elsie had managed to put two and two together and knew that Thomas had used his information to blackmail Phyllis. But it was right, she did choose differently this time. She only hoped that it would help her to keep her job. After they had both finished their tea, Elsie spoke up again, “I do want you to stay because your work is good and you’re reliable. That’s why I will talk to Charles again and make him change his mind, but I want something from you, too.”

 

When Elsie paused, Phyllis looked at her with a frightened expression. What could the other woman possibly want in return for her help? The question must have been written all over her face, because Elsie explained, “Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad. I just can’t shake off the feeling that there is more to your story than you’re telling us. I presume that just like you didn’t act on your own here, you didn’t act alone back then.”

 

“Maybe not”, the younger woman murmured, before she looked up and said, “But that doesn’t change the fact that I leaked the information. It was me who betrayed my boss, I made the choice. A choice not many others would have made, no matter the provocation.”

 

It saddened Elsie to see the woman in front of her struggle like that. “But that’s the point, it does matter why you did what you did! There’s a difference in doing something bad out of spite and doing it because something – or someone – drives you to it.”

 

Phyllis took a breath. It wouldn’t do to pretend. Elsie might want to believe that she had some honorable reason for her actions when the truth was that she had simply been stupid, believing that what Peter had told her to do would be to her own best, too, when it really was only him who had profited. If she wanted a real chance of a new beginning, it most likely would be better to tell Elsie what she needed to know. It wasn’t as if Phyllis had anything left to lose. Joseph had been right, it was everything or nothing, she had to take the risk or else she would forever wonder if telling the truth could have made a difference...

 

 

… Elsie had listened intently to her story. It was exactly like she had imagined – there had been a reason for Phyllis to do what she did. She was glad that her instincts hadn’t failed her when she had suspected a backstory behind what Charles had told her. This was even worse than she had expected, although she assumed that Phyllis did spare her the details of that vicious relationship she had had. She had agreed without hesitation when Phyllis practically begged her not to talk about any of it to anyone. Charles would believe Elsie one way or the other, when she told him that he should just trust her in this. He would never need to know her reasons.

 

 

Thomas had a hard time concentrating on work the past days. What Phyllis had told him was still vivid in his mind and he wondered just how much his selfish actions had affected his friend's already frail state of mind. When he had worked out his plan of blackmailing her into helping him he had somehow been blind to the similarities his proposition showed to her past experience. All that Thomas had seen was his own benefit.

 

It was difficult to admit it, even to himself, but after listening to his friend's words, he did regret the troubles he had put her through. He supposed he should have been a better friend and be there for her when she needed him. He should have been everything that she was for him, now. But Thomas wasn't like that. He could never be that person who was kind and caring to everyone, even to people who most likely didn't deserve kindness. He could never put someone else’s problems before his own or be honestly happy for others while he was miserable. He didn't even wish he could be like that, for he knew he couldn't. It would never come natural to him, not like those things came natural to Bax. If it had been the other way around and she had been the one to bully him, he most likely wouldn't even bother with her, anymore. Maybe, he would have to think of something to try to make it up to her.

 

Just as he was about to turn his concentration back to his computer screen, the woman who occupied his thoughts appeared in front of him.

 

„I thought you would maybe want to know, that I can stay. I just had a talk with Elsie, she says that she will convince Charles.“

 

„I'm glad“, Thomas said. It was true, he was glad, he just couldn't shake off the thought that she wouldn't want much to do with him from now on. Now, that she could stay on honest grounds, she wouldn't have much reason to hang with him.

 

„But?“, she inquired, „What's bothering you?“

 

„Well, I guess it's just me against the rest of them again, then.“

 

„I told you already and I will tell you once more – I am on your side. I might not want to be your spy, but nothing changes that.“

 

Phyllis had expected Thomas to have a hard time accepting that she still wanted to be there for him, no matter what had happened between them in the weeks prior. Still, she had wished he would come around sooner to rebuild the friendship they had. But instead, Thomas seemed even more bitter, with dark thoughts around him, than before.

 

His words just proved her to be right in the assumption that Thomas felt left out somehow when he asked, „No really, now that I lost my cause with you, what am I doing here?“

 

„What we are all doing, getting through life the best we can“, she replied, indirectly reminding him that he wasn't alone in his struggles.

 

„That's not how I feel. I always feel like I have to do better“, Thomas said, reminding himself of a time long ago, when his father had taught him those words.

 

„That's your father speaking, Thomas. You shouldn't listen to those words, not after how he's been to you.“ _Of course, Bax would remember, too_ , Thomas inwardly smirked. She'd been at his place often enough when they were children to be sure to remember his father's life lessons.

 

„Hear who's talking. It would do you good to take on your own advice from time to time, Bax“, Thomas smirked more openly now. It was just too much fun for him to tease her than to leave out an opportunity like this. As he expected her to, Phyllis chose to ignore his implication and moved on, 'lecturing' him.

 

„You are your own worst enemy when it comes to being happy. You should try to make friends, be nice to people without an agenda for once.“

 

That wasn't fair, Thomas thought. It wasn't as if he couldn't be nice if he wanted, so he objected, „I tried, I was friendly with Andy when he was new. Since he came I wanted nothing but friendship from him. But now, everyone is shielding him away from me as if I have some kind of contagious fever that I might infect him with.“

 

„Then tell him that“, his friend urged.

 

„It's too late, the damage has been done. They don't believe me anyway“, was his only reply, before he pouted in his signature way whenever he felt treated unfairly.

 


	19. date night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Due to the fact that more that one quotation from canon is used in this chapter one way or another, I'd like to state once more that those are – of course – not my words. It is basically just one element of the story's concept, which is to use canon as a basis and apply it to a modern environment.
> 
> Two of the stolen lines are originally said by the other person each than here, I'm sure you'll know which ones. Let me know. :-)

When Phyllis came home that afternoon, she had found an envelope taped on her door. She was curious as to why someone had taken the time to stick it there when it would have been easier just to put it in her mailbox downstairs. Whoever sent it, had certainly wanted to make sure she saw it as soon as she got home. With that in mind, she supposed that it must be important – at least to the sender – so she hurried to open the letter even before she unlocked the door.

All her troubles at work, the uncertainty of her job and not knowing exactly where Thomas and she stood as friends, had kept Phyllis from her growing friendship with her neighbor recently. She hadn’t even found the time to thank him properly for his advice. If she hadn’t been already feeling guilty for neglecting him, she would definitely have as soon as she found out that it was Joseph who had sent her that letter. And not only that – attached to a piece of paper were two tickets to some kind of theatre play for that same day.

 

Dear Miss Baxter, Dear Phyllis,

I hope you won’t find it too forward of me to use such an informal address, but given the circumstances of our last meeting I find it a little ridiculous to keep up those formalities.  
I got the impression that, maybe, we’ve moved past the line of acquaintances.  
At least, I think we could grow to be friends, if you’d like that.

I thought of you today when I heard of an amateur play being performed tonight at Ivy’s.  
It’s not Royal Shakespeare but I hoped perhaps you would like to come.  
You seemed so keen the last time we went to the theatre.

Please let me know your answer, you know where to find me.

Greetings, Joseph Molesley

 

Phyllis’ smile grew bigger with every word. No one else would write a letter quite like that, everything from the crossed out name to the offbeat way to sign the letter with his full name was so like Joseph. There was no way that she could not want to accompany him to Ivy’s café that evening, because he was right, she was more than keen on theatre in general and she knew that she would simply love whatever it was that Joseph chose for them to watch.  
For a moment, she was about to walk over to his door to knock and tell him immediately how much she looked forward to tonight. Something kept her back, though. It wouldn’t do to jump into something head over heels only because she got invited to a casual evening together. Grow to be friends, those were the words he had carefully chosen in his letter. A clear message that left no room for misinterpretation. Upon that thought, Phyllis decided it would be better to retreat to her own apartment first and take some time to think things through. She knew that her impulsive reactions had often not led to the best decisions in the past, and it made her consider if the better choice would be to keep the distance.

 

After taking far too much time to think about her options, Phyllis had finally come to the conclusion that one night out could not do any harm. She had gotten dressed in a quite haste when she had noticed how late it had already been.

The ringing of his doorbell caught Joseph in surprise. When he had not heard anything from Phyllis after he had left the note at her door, he had settled with the thought that she most likely did not share his feeling of a friendly bond forming between them. So, he had already swapped his suit for a t-shirt and sweatpants which couldn’t be a bigger contrast to the dark-grey lacy cocktail dress Phyllis was wearing. With her hair pulled up elaborately and her ridiculously high heels she looked more fitting for an evening at the opera than at Ivy’s café.  
But when she excused herself for taking so much time to make up her mind, Joseph snapped out of his trance immediately and hurried to change into something suitable. Suddenly, he liked the idea of dressing up for the night so he put on one of his better suits.

Phyllis had been waiting in his living room for Joseph to get ready. She was still feeling a little guilty for making him hurry and stupid for having been almost unable to make up her mind. She had also noticed the way Joseph had stared at her when he had opened the door. Quite obviously, she had overdone the dressing up rather terribly. All the more he surprised her when he stepped out of his bedroom, dressed rather handsomely in a black suit. They both smiled a little shy at each other, knowing fully well that his attire only served to spare her the embarrassment of being the only one at the café who would be dressed up like that. It even made Phyllis blush slightly to think that Joseph would accept being laughed at, too, just to make her more comfortable.

 

„Joseph, this was a wonderful evening. I really enjoyed the play so much, I could talk about it all the time“, Joseph had never before seen Phyllis so over the top enthusiastic about something. He knew she was fond of theatre but today, she had moved it to a new level.

Smiling, he mocked her, „You should write a review about it, I'm sure, the actors would love it. I’m sure Ivy would love the publicity her café would get.“

Phyllis replied with a hearty laugh that warmed his innermost. „Don't mock me when I know you liked it just as much. I saw you leaning forward in your chair, eager as a child to see what was going on.“

She was right. He did enjoy the play just as much and he enjoyed Phyllis talking about it even more. He himself could listen to her interpretations and appraisal for hours, she really had a knack for it. Before he could assure her that he had meant his words, Phyllis sobered up a little and changed the subject.

„I never really thanked you for your advice that other day. It was right to tell Charles the truth. At least now, I don't have to worry about Thomas anymore. Well, not so much.“

„You don't have to thank me. I know it can be hard sometimes to choose between what's right and what's convenient. Did I ever tell you that I wasn't always a teacher?“

The shaking of her head was enough to make him go on. „When I was younger, I was working in my dad's flower shop. I had always wanted to become a teacher but money was short so I never really got the chance to go to uni. So, I spent my days, binding flowers and potting plants which I wasn't any good at. I finally got the chance to be a teacher after all years later, and I took it and it made me happy.”

„No, I didn't know that. I'm glad you got the chance, in the end.“

„You know, you should grab a chance, too. I meant what I said, you should give writing a proper review a chance and not just ramble about every play you're going to.“

I don't know. I'm not sure if I could do this, if I would be good enough, if I even want this“, there she was, self-doubting herself and her abilities again, „I sometimes feel like I'm just a shell chasing after who I am, trying to be myself again. The problem is, at times I can't remember who I was.“

„I think the problem is that you're chasing after something impossible. That's the tragedy of life, we can never be how we once were, again. We can only fondly remember and accept who we are, now. You, Phyllis, are a wonderful person. No, I mean it“, he stated as soon as he saw her rolling her eyes in disbelief, „I know you can do whatever you set your mind to. I know you've been through a lot with that idiot Peter and lately with Thomas. But you can't change the past, so don't let it keep you from living your present and your future.“

„You know, I'd give a limb to rewrite that whole chapter of my life if I could.“

„I know you would, but you shouldn't ask it of yourself, because I know that's not what it's going to take. You don't have to change, you are who you are. You just have to accept yourself.“

„That's easy for you to say. You didn't allow someone else to take control over your life. To ruin you.“

„Oh, but he didn't ruin you. The proof is, you're standing here”, he urged.

„Maybe not, but he changed me”, Phyllis admitted somewhat insecure.

„And I like you all the more, because of who you are today. That bastard might have hurt you, but in the end it only makes you stronger.“

„No, that was you. You made me stronger. Your strength has made me strong. If it hadn't been for you I wouldn't have stood up to Thomas and I wouldn’t have told Elsie the truth.“  
There, she had a point. Still, Joe felt somehow sad that she gave him so much credit for her decision.

„If only you could find that strength in yourself“, he said.

„You mean, I should go and ask Charles if I could write something different?“, she asked, getting back to the original topic of their conversation.

„No, I mean you should tell him“, he replied, giving the impression of being more determined about the matter than Phyllis could manage to be herself.


	20. in which a party is thrown

The small apartment felt crammed, even though there weren’t as many people as one would suspect at a birthday party. In the relatively short time she had lived in London now, Phyllis had only made a few friends. But those, she liked very much and thus had decided to throw a little party. She hadn’t expected her small living room to be that crowded with only a handful of guests there.

She had invited Thomas, of course, who at the moment stood alone in one corner, carefully making sure not to mingle with anyone else. And making sure she noticed, which made her inwardly roll her eyes. If she didn’t love him so much she would have most likely have gotten annoyed at him long ago.  
Apart from Thomas, everyone looked like they were having a fun time. Gwen was standing in a small group with Daisy and Alfred, the latter two already knowing each other while Gwen hadn’t met Daisy before. But the two young women seemed to get along rather well, in contrast of Daisy and Ivy – as far as Alfred had said, those two apparently had a history of fancying the same guy which had resulted in Ivy still being a little resentful towards Daisy. Phyllis guessed that it had been Alfred whom they had both been fond of, but neither of them would confirm those suspicions. Taking that into account, Phyllis felt relieved that Ivy had chosen to run the café that night, this way one source of possible trouble was eliminated.

Turning towards the middle of the room, Phyllis saw Elsie talking to Andy. While the young man did not appear uncomfortable in her company, Phyllis noticed his absent behavior. His thoughts and eyes were directed far more at Daisy across the room than at the person sitting next to him. But Elsie didn’t seem to mind, it wasn’t as if the light-hearted conversation was anything of importance.

It felt more than wonderful to spend the day with people she actually liked for once. In the first years she had been with Peter, it had always been just the two of them in some fancy restaurant. Later, they had more often than not spent the evening of her birthday among his colleagues. Coincidentally, Peter had started his job as head of his department at the TV channel on the same day as her birthday and each year, there was a party for his anniversary. Phyllis had soon grown to loathe those gatherings where people pretended that Peter was some kind of their hero while she felt invisible at his side.

This was a welcome difference. She noticed that one guest was still missing when there was a knock on her door. Immediately, a big smile crept its way on her face – a detail that didn’t go unnoticed by Thomas. Only one person would knock her door instead of ringing the bell, and suddenly she was getting nervous over nothing, fussing around with the glasses she held in her hands and trying to get rid of them somehow in order to be able to open the door.

Just before Thomas could, Phyllis managed to make her way to the door to let the visitor in. She smiled even broader when Joseph wasn't alone standing at the other side with Mia scooped up in his arms, smiling innocently when he claimed that he couldn’t leave the cat alone while he was next door.

“You said in the invitation that girlfriends and roommates are welcome to come”, he stated, pointing to the cat.

“Oh, how nice of her to join us”, Phyllis chuckled, taking Mia from Joseph’s arms, “Do come in, please.” It was some strange kind of joke to call a cat a roommate but Phyllis couldn't not smile at the quirky kind of humor.

Joseph took in his surroundings with an eagerness that could be compared to a child’s excitement about something new. He had expected Phyllis’ apartment to be equipped with only minimalistic furniture in clean colors like white or dark wood, and was positively surprised that the living room was anything but the way he had imagined it. In fact, he liked it even more than his own rooms next door. But who did he want to fool, of course he was bound to like the way Phyllis’ flat was furnished. He had already acknowledged the fact to himself that he liked everything that had to do with Phyllis. Because he liked her and because she had such a great sense of what fit her, that in his eyes she could never do wrong.

He adored the way she moved around the room, absentmindedly stroking the cat on her arm while she introduced the little animal to her friends as if it was a real guets to her party. He was so captivated that he completely forgot that he still held a small bouquet of spring flowers from his father’s shop in one hand.

Joe knew he was socially awkward. Especially around women. Especially around women he liked as much as he liked Phyllis. He looked around and craved to be like the rest of them, engaging easily in conversation and having a good time. He was so far away in his own bubble that he didn’t notice the man who had made his way next to him until he spoke.

“If those are for Bax”, Thomas Barrow smirked, gesturing to the flowers, “you’d better bring them to the kitchen. And do get a grip on yourself, Molesley, or do you think she’d be interested in a dimwit who is incapable of giving her the flowers he obviously brought her?”

At this, Joe’s head snapped up in his signature way whenever he felt himself being caught in a particularly stupid moment. He stared at Thomas who silently nudged his head towards the general direction of the kitchen where he could see Phyllis failing at pouring more drinks for her guests because the cat on her arm was wriggling around playfully.  
She was wearing a tight knee-long, strapless summer dress that Joe contemplated must be a new addition to her wardrobe, because the light colors and the flowery print contrasted her usual, dark coloured attire so much. That vision was enough to make him want to go straight to the kitchen and at the same time run away. The flowers in his hand suddenly felt insignificant and worthless of the woman he wanted to give them to. But Phyllis looked up and noticed him frowning at her from afar so he had no choice but to make his way over to her.

“Thank you for the flowers, they’re beautiful”, she told him as soon as he approached her, clumsily presenting the flowers to her.

“I got them from my dad’s shop”, Joseph told her proudly, unsuspecting of how redundant his explanation was. All that mattered to him was that she liked them, which apparently she did.

“Oh, that’s nice”, she replied conversional, while she put them into a vase. “You know, I took your advice and talked to Charles the other day.”

It was all it took to get him completely hooked to her words. “Really?” He said in that unusually high, excited voice, “What did he say?”

Phyllis sighed, and Joe feared for the worst, but then she shrugged, “Well, he didn’t say yes. But he didn’t say no, either. He thinks that with the current political situation he needs everyone available in the politics department, which I actually agree with. It’s kind of a lot more important than theatre right now. But, I shall approach him again when things calm down and he will rethink his decision, then.”

„Well, then I will remind you to talk to him again, when the time comes“, Joseph assured her and they smiled at each other, happy at how enthusiastic they both were about the subject.

As the evening proceeded, Joe's main focus lay on the fact that Phyllis had said she adored his flowers. Which was pretty much all Joe remembered from before Thomas had talked to him. Lots of alcohol had been consumed and there was dancing – or at least, there was music. It was kind of a blur to Joe who had, after one or two drinks too many, settled for conversation with Thomas. Or had he been lured into that talk?

Thomas had pulled him aside when a conversation among Joe, Daisy and Gwen had just turned towards the subject of different art exhibitions they had yet to visit. For Thomas’ liking, such a dull subject wasn’t at all one suited for a party. He much rather wanted to know more about Joe’s intentions towards Phyllis. After all the bumps his friendship with Bax had had to endure in the recent past, he somehow wanted to make it up to her that he had been a jerk most of the time.  
It wasn’t as if he suddenly liked Joe Molesley but he did know that Bax liked him a lot and he did want to find out if her feelings were reciprocated. Even though Thomas spent most of his time pretending that he didn’t care, he in fact cared very much for his friend and he wanted to see her happy again. And if Molesley was the person who could evoke that, then who was he to stand in the way?  
If there was one thing he wanted, it was to make sure that Bax would never again have to experience what she had had with Peter. It wasn’t as if he expected anything of the sort from fuddly Mr. Molesley, yet he wanted to be sure instead of sorry. After Bax had told him that it had been Joseph - as she used to call him, probably as the only person in the world – who had advised her to tell Charles her story, Thomas concluded that she must have told him about her past, too. Therefore, it was completely unsuspecting of him when he mentioned to Joe to better be careful if he really cared for Phyllis because she was still in a dark place after her abusive relationship with Peter.  
As soon as the words of warning had left his mouth, Thomas realized that he had made a huge mistake. It was Joe’s more than astounded look and his speechlessness that gave away that he had apparently not known about that part of Phyllis’ past. The way in which Joe suddenly excused himself definitely made Thomas wonder.

Phyllis was for once, completely oblivious by the exchange between Thomas and Joseph. She was at the time engaged in a talk with Andy, whom she had planned to convince that he should take a step towards Thomas and apologize to him for his distant behavior. She had successfully persuaded him of Thomas’ friendly motives towards him and advised him that he would do better if he made up his own mind about people in the future instead of relying on antiquated opinions of others.  
Given that, she didn’t even notice how Joseph jumped up at Thomas’ words, snatched up Mia and left her apartment in a hurry. While everyone got on with dancing, chatting and drinking, Thomas sat silently at the kitchen table. He could say that the evening ended for him just as it had begun – alone. But that wouldn’t give the damage he had most likely done enough credit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has Thomas' attempt to help ruined things between Bax and Joe? We all know that she 'would give a limb to rewrite that whole chapter of her life' if she could. So, will Joe come around in time?
> 
> Love to know what you think.


	21. in which trust is an issue

A few days after her party, Phyllis was still non the wiser about Joseph's sudden departure. That evening she had been so engaged in everything else around her that she hadn't noticed her neighbor's absence until Daisy had inquired about the cat that was nowhere to be found.   
Earlier, Phyllis had seen Joseph talking to Thomas and hoped sincerely that her friend wasn't the reason that Joe had left. Talking to Thomas had been in vain, though. He had only given her some made-up excuses about the cat having been grumpy and Joseph not feeling well. But if one of those things had been the real reason for leaving, why wouldn't Thomas stick to one? What made her wonder most about the whole situation was that since he left her party, she hadn't seen Joseph at all. It had been almost a week now since they had seen or talked to each other. She hated to think it but she couldn't shake the nagging feeling that she must have done something wrong that had scared him off. Which, in return, made her realize just how much she missed his company already. 

When she had come home from work that day she had found herself hoping to find Joseph maybe on his balcony or even in the hallway, but just like the last few days he had been nowhere to be seen. When she had reached her landing she had almost walked over to his door and knocked before she reminded herself that it had been him who left without telling her, and she wouldn't want to be that person running after him. 

'Running after him', how ridiculous that sounded even in her head, Phyllis thought. She had tried to distract herself by making herself comfortable on th sofa and reading a book but the words on the pages couldn't reach her mind. Instead, all her thoughts were on her neighbor. She shouldn't even think about getting attached enough to him to contemplate 'running after him'. Not when she still remembered quite clearly where being too fond of a man had led her the last time she had allowed herself to fall in love. And while she had relished the feeling of getting a little attention from a seemingly nice man, she knew she'd better pull herself together and accept the fact that he just wasn't into her like that. Pining over a man was never really becoming. Especially not for someone as emotionally damaged as her with chances far below average to ever build up a relationship again.

Phyllis sighed and put her book on the side table, knowing that it was to no avail whatsoever to try and get on with the story. Instead, she thought that a breath of fresh air would do her good. At least, it would help to clear her mind and the sun would maybe even lighten her mood a little. Due to the fact that she was feeling rather emotionally drained, she decided that the balcony would have to do instead of going out to the park as she normally would have done.   
This time when she stepped out of her living room, she hoped for once that Joseph wouldn't be around. Ironically though, it was him who was in that exact moment watering his flowers.

The moment Joe noticed Phyllis, he became almost as nervous as he had been on their first ever encounter when she was still new in the house and he was feeling silly in his gardening attire. With that in mind, Phyllis for a moment wished for another world in which time could be turned backwards to that first meeting and she could undo whatever she had done to push him away. 

„Hello neighbor“, Joseph said after a moment. He was obviously just as unsure as Phyllis felt upon the incidental meeting.

„Hi“, Phyllis greeted him, smiling sadly. This was already getting awkward as both of them knew that something had happened and neither of them knew what to say or do to make it better. As an attempt on conversation, she half-asked, „I haven't seen you around in some time. I guess, you've been busy?“

Joe opened his mouth to form a reply but stopped in his tracks just before the words could leave his mouth. Instead, he frowned and thought for a moment before he decided that it probably would be for the best if he gave her an honest reply. „No, not – not really. I was … thinking.“

„Thinking? About what?“, Phyllis wanted to know. Even though she was pretty sure that it had something to do with her she still needed to be sure.

„About some-something that your friend Thomas told me. About you.“

Phyllis let out an annoyed sigh. Of course, Thomas had something to do with Joseph's absence. Why couldn't he simply leave her alone? Also, she found herself a little disappointed in Joseph for believing whatever Thomas had told him, which made her say, maybe a little harsher than intended, „Something that Thomas told you? You shouldn't listen to him – you know how he can be. Haven't I told you enough about him not to trust him?“

„So, it isn't true, then?“ Joe asked, half-hoping that it wasn't, and still not sure what he should make of Thomas' words. He felt bad for believing him so easily now that Phyllis reminded him of how her friend could get.

Before she said anything, Phyllis thought about all the possible things that Thomas could have told Joseph at her party and found herself hoping that Thomas had just made up some strange story because it would be so much harder for her to know that it was the truth about her past that had made Joseph turn away. 

„Whatever Thomas told you, I don't think this is the right place to talk about it“, she finally said, „Could I come over to yours?“

Joseph nodded. 

 

Not ten minutes later, both of them were sitting at Joseph's kitchen table with two cups of tea in front of them, looking expectantly at each other. Phyllis knew that it wouldn't do to delay the conversation any further and inquired, „What Thomas told you – is it the reason why you've been avoiding me lately?“

Joe's head snapped up, „I've not been avoiding you, like I said, I've been thinking.“ When Phyllis looked at him with a reaised eyebrow, he hastily added, „And maybe avoiding you a little. Which I'm sorry for. It's just … I – I wondered, why you d-didn't tell me the truth? A-About you … and Peter.“

Phyllis inhaled deeply at the sound of that name. She closed her eyes, bit her lip and shook her head slightly, cursing Thomas for not being able to keep his mouth shut. 

„So, it is true, what he said?“ Joseph asked once more, „That this – this person, this horrible person, abused you and -“

„Stop it, please“, Phyllis interrupted him. She was already at the brink of crying without him spelling everything out, „Yes, it is true.“

For a while, Joe was speechless. In the past days, whenever he had thought about that talk he had with Thomas Barrow, he had prayed so much that it wasn't true. It nearly broke his heart to see the woman in front of him almost crying over what he had hoped to be just some horrible, made-up story. 

„Why didn't you tell me? I mean, that day, when you told me about how he pushed you into stealing that information or him?“, he asked tentatively.

„What do you mean, why? How could I have told you, knowing that it would drive you away? Not that I blame you, because – how could you still like me, now?“

„But I do like you, I like you a lot. I probably shouldn't say it right now, but I do. That's why I would have wanted you to tell me, instead of Thomas Barrow. Don't you trust me?“

Did she trust him? Phyllis wasn't sure. But she knew she owed him an explanation, „I don't know. Most of the time, I don't even trust myself. But what I told you back that day was the truth – I do want a new start here, and I didn't want my past to stand in the way of that.“

Though Joseph was sure that she wanted to mean it, he was also convinced that she wasn't at the point yet where she could leave her past behind. „Tell me that you left it behind you and I'll believe you.“

„What?“, she asked perplexed, „This isn't something I can just leave behind. How can you expect that?“ Right now, she didn't understand him at all. Joseph had always appeared so caring and so understanding – not as demanding and pushy as he was now.

„I don't. I don't expect anything. But you're lying to yourself when you say that you didn't mention it only because you don't want your past to stand in the way of your new beginning. Instead of pushing it away you need to come to terms with your past in order to be able to move on. Until then, it'll always be around – he will always be around.“

„That's not true!“ Phyllis snapped at him. He might think himself a part-time psychologist but he knew nothing of her struggles. It made her rather furious how he pretended to know what was going on inside her when he really didn't have the slightest idea. „Thank you very much but I can manage perfectly well without your advice. As long as I don't think about it, it can't get to me. He can't get to me,“ she added when she noticed the disbelieving expression.

„Can't he?“, Joe snorted. To him, it was incredible how she wouldn't see that her behaviour only served for her past to control her even more. But if the flicker in her eyes upon his last question was any indication, he might have hit a spot inside her. Phyllis looked at him with a mix of anger, annoyance and a hint something that he interpreted as seeing reason.

Phyllis collected herself and said rather cold, „Thanks for the tea.“ Then, she stood up and left him alone, not wanting to further that argument afraid of saying something she might regret later. 

Back in her own apartment, as soon as she had closed her own door behind her, she feared that something between them had substantially changed. Before her birthday, things had been easy and natural between them but now it had felt like there was an invisible barrier keeping her from Joseph. It wasn't easy anymore since the problematic aspects of her past had become a subject between them. No wonder that Joseph was disappointed now that he knew what a mess she was. She couldn't even blame him for distancing himself from her.  
What bothered her far more was that she had allowed herself to care so much for a man again, even before disclosing the full extent of her past to him, when she should have expected him to turn away from her as soon as he found out how complicated she was. She should have known better, Phyllis scolded herself. Then again, it was just like her to be wrong about a man's feelings towards her. Maybe, she'd been wrong about Joseph, too.

Little did she know that it wasn't so much her past itself that drove him away but much more the fact that she hadn't told him about it when she had the opportunity. And the way in which she pretended to cope with it. It made Joe wonder whether Phyllis would have ever talked to him if it hadn't been for Thomas. He just hoped that she would come around – those last few days had been more than strenuous for him, whenever he passed her door he had to pull himself together in order not to knock. It physically hurt him to be so close and so far away from her simultaneously. There was no use in denying it – he was falling in love with Phyllis.


	22. coffee conversations part 1

When the change in his friend had become more than obvious about two weeks after her birthday, it was impossible even for Thomas to pretend that he didn't notice. Until then, he had successfully been able to procrastinate dealing with the question if he was responsible in any way. But it didn't take a detective to put two and two together to know that, when Bax had stopped her unsual ramblings about Joe Molesley, it had most likely been him who was to blame. It was kind of ironic that the one time he had actually wanted to help, it looked as if Thomas had made everything worse.   
He supposed she might not believe it but he really cared for Bax, so seeing her like this, isolating herself from people around her and becoming more and more like that sad, fragile person again, made him sad, too. It also made him mad – mad at Joe Molesley for being enough of a prick to run away at the first problem. The least Thomas could do – or, the most he was able to do without admitting that he actually wasn't the cold person he pretended to be – was to admit to Bax that he was the source of her miserable situation.

„I've done something I shouldn't have“, he stated when he approached his friend that day shortly before they were about to leave work. Bax looked up at him from her computer screen, absentmindedly chewing on her lower lip and frowned, likely to contemplate what it was this time that he had done.

Thomas sighed. Apparently, his friend wasn't going to say anything so he would have to make himself clearer, „If you knew what it was, you wouldn't want me around anymore. Because I'm a bad friend.“

Rolling her eyes, Phyllis told him, not leaving any room for disagreement, „If you're talking about Joseph then I know what it was, and I know why you did it. So, no, I'm not mad at you. And now, you better pack up your things and meet me downstairs in five minutes. I want to talk to you.“

Thomas smirked on his way back to his own desk. This was so like Bax to forgive his actions and excuse them with his good intentions. She really always tried to find the best in people.

 

back to the present

A short while later, the two friends had found themselves a table at Ivy's cafe and Bax was standing at the counter, talking to the younger woman who was preparing their coffees. When she reappeared at their table with the coffee, she had also brought a plate with a small variety of biscuits – apparently for him – and something that looked like a sticky cinnamon roll for herself.  
The way his biscuits were nicely arranged on the plate, along with the stuffy armchairs on the other side of the room and all the dark wooden furniture made this place much too cozy for Thomas to feel comfortable. To Bax however, it fit perfectly, he thought. It was fashionable with a warm atmosphere, and all the books and papers that were scattered on many of the small tables made it look a bit messy. Even the homemade cakes and biscuits and the white porcellain mugs were cute and fancy enough to made him wonder if this whole place had been designed especially for his friend.

„And now“, Bax said, with her signature smile that tended to annoy Thomas, „I want to know all about your new intern.“

„He's not exclusively my intern. And once again, his name is Richard“, Thomas objected, „Why are you so interested?“

„I know you're not used to this, but I am your friend. I can see how much you like him – when you talk about him, when you look at him, it really shows. Or, well … at least I can see it“, Phyllis hastily added upon taking in her friend's shocked expression. It worried her to know that even after all those years Thomas was still afraid of people's reactions on his sexuality. Not that it was a secret among the colleagues, but Thomas always tried his hardest not to let it show. „You can pretend not to have a heart in front of the others, but I know that's not who you truly are. You deserve to be happy and I want to be sure that this guy deserves you.“

Those words made him look at her in complete and utter disbelief. „How can you still be like that to me?“

A knowing smile graced her lips when she stated, „Because I love you, Thomas. I know, I shouldn't but I do. Can't help it.“

When Thomas piercingly stared at his friend, trying to absorb her words, Phyllis continued, pretending to be serious by pointing her finger at him and fake-frowning, „Now, stop changing the subject, I want to know everything about Richard.“

Thomas grumbled to himself. He loved Bax, too, but sometimes he hated her for always pointing out to him how well she knew him. In moments like this he knew he had already lost and trying to change the subject would be in vain just as it had been on their bike ride to the cafe a few minutes earlier.  
So, he told he what he knew about Richard – Charles had hired the intern only for three months, as a help for Thomas who had been loaded with work since Andy had changed departments for good.  
Richard was 22 years and a literature student who wanted a job for the summer. According to Thomas, he was a good writer and already better at gaining information than Andy ever had been during his time with Thomas.  
At some point in the conversation, Phyllis wondered if all those things about the young man were really true or if the high praise was to be traced back to the fact that her friend seemed to be head over heels for the new colleague.

After she had listened intently to Thomas' words, she concluded, „That sounds like he is a real natural.“ It was hard not to become a fan of the younger man while listening to how Thomas described him and his abilities.

„He is“, Thomas nodded almost enthusiastically for his standards, „And he's a great partner, too.“ Only to add, as soon as he noticed the playful smirk on his friend's face that was sure to implicate something else, „Working partner! Not what you're thinking, Bax. One way or the other, he's too young for me, anyway, apart from the fact that I guess I would have noticed if there even could be more.“

Phyllis offered him a reassuring smile and placed her hand over his on the table, trying to give him some sort of support, „That's what you think, Thomas, because you never believe that anybody could like you. Maybe, he's just not as obvious as you are. I have been observing the two of you these last few days and I've seen how he looks at you in the same way that you look at him when you don't think anyone is watching.“

„Whatever“, Thomas shrugged it off and said in a determined tone, „I won't do anything about it. You know how people can be. You've been there when they got all protective about Andy because they thought I could hurt their precious boy.“

„Please, don't let yourself get worked up by that Andy-stuff still. I thought you two had worked it out after I talked to him? You shouldn't listen to the Mason's talk, anyway. Not when they're like that.“ She frowned at her friend, saddened that such ignorant words from other people could still get to him like that. She had hoped that by now he would have worked it out not to trouble himself over those who were narrow-minded enough to judge him so unfairly.

„Do you think I would encourage you like that if I wasn't sure that something could come off it?“, she inquired.

For a moment Thomas was quiet, thinking about it. Then he shook his head, „No, you wouldn't. You're too nice to lead me on.“

After that, they drank the rest of their coffee and talked about this and that, deciding that the next time they would go to the pub, they would ask Richard to join them. Then, Thomas accompanied his friend to her house, where they called it a night.  
On his way home, Thomas' thoughts went back to Bax. He was once more astounded at her forgiveness and her ability to make him forget – if only for a night – how miserable his live was most of the time. He really knew no-one else who would stand up for him the way she did after everything and who would support him like that. 

 

That night when Phyllis came home she was greeted by the sight of Joseph sitting on the stairs with his head leaning against the wall. It was already late and apparently he had been exhausted enough to fall asleep right there.   
After her talk with Thomas she wondered if it was time to take on her own advice and make a move forward. Phyllis wanted to be still mad at Joseph for wanting to push her into what he supposed was the right thing to do, but when she took in the sight of him there on the stairs she found it rather endearing that he had wanted to make an effort and wait up for her. And anyway, she knew that he had only meant well when he had advised her to leave the past behind. The problem was that she wasn't ready yet and even if she was, it wasn't as easy as he thought. Getting over what had happened would include so much more than simply forgetting it – however, trying not to think about it and keeping her mind on other things was the most she could manage for now. 

Once more, Phyllis looked at the man before her who was still sleeping soundly, oblivious to her standing in front of him. After a moment, he stirred and she decided it was time to wake him up.

„Hey“, she softly said while she cautiously shook him awake, „wake up, it's late.“

When his eyes snapped up, Joe looked around sleepy and a little confused, „Where...? What t-time is it?“

„It's almost midnight, you fell asleep on the stairs“, she explained, smiling.

„Stairs, … yes, I – I waited up for you“, Joseph was suddenly wide awake, „I need to – to talk to you.“

Phyllis took his hand to help him get up and lead him to the direction of his door. „It's late“, she repeated, „we can talk tomorrow. I've had a long day and you're tired.“

„I suppose you're right“, Joe reluctantly said, supressing a yawn. He was a little disappointed that he wouldn't get to talk to Phyllis right there. But she was right, it would be better to postpone this conversation until the next day. He had planned to invite her to the museum weeks ago when Daisy had given him the idea at Phyllis' birthday party, and now that they were speaking again it could be his opportunity.

When Phyllis agreed to the suggestion with a smile Joe could get lost in, he knew that sleep wouldn't come to him for a while that night. Long after they had parted and said good-night he imagined that maybe she hadn't only smiled at the prospect of going to the museum but going there with him.


	23. coffee conversations part 2

While Phyllis was getting ready for bed that night, thoughts were running wild in her head. Yes, she was still a little disappointed about Joseph's reaction to the truth, yet she also was flattered that he had intended to wait up for her on the stairs. After she had so abruptly left his flat the other day, she would have thought that this had been it. That they weren't bound to further their friendship and instead from then on, would go back to be only neighbours again. She had been surprised by his effort – and a little touched because it implied that he, too, might miss her company just like she missed the comfort of him being around.

She went to bed looking forward to the next day a little bit more.

 

The museum that Joseph had suggested to visit turned out to be the Wallace Collection, which was a nice surprise as Phyllis had never been there before. Once more, Joseph was amazed but also amused by her enthusiasm when, after they had ended the tour through the museum, they had sat down in the atrium cafe inside the museum building. For once, they had decided against Ivy's and instead opted to have their coffee inside the large airy museum cafe.

„You know“, Joe said after listening to Phyllis' praising words for some of the exhibits for a while, „I'm glad I could show you something you didn't know yet. With your enthusiasm about everything artistic, I assumed you would know every museum inside out already.“

„You forget that I've not lived here long enough to explore everything. I've only been at the bigger museums like the National Gallery and the V&A of course, but this here is so much nicer. I feel so close to the art here. And the cafe is … well, not what I expected from a museum.“

„I feel the same, it is as if the intimacy, being near to the paintings, makes them more powerful“, Joseph nodded in agreement.

The subject was bound to change to a more serious topic when Phyllis sipped her tea and put down the cup with an audible sigh. „I must admit that this is nice. Really, it feels good to be around you, to be with someone who actually likes the same things as me. I felt safe around you, you know? But then, you just left and … well, it – I'm sorry, I don't know.“

„It's okay to be confused. I was confused, too, when I wondered why you wouldn't tell me about your past. But I think I know now why you didn't, and it has nothing to do with letting it go. You bottle it up inside of you which I don't think is the right way to deal with it, but I won't push you. I will never push you because, like I said, I care about you a lot.“

„I care about you, too. But when you left it felt like I was wrong again. You know I have trust issues, and confidence issues and … well, I'm a right mess. But I sincerely hope that it's not too much of me to ask for your patience. I want you around. I'm just not ready yet.“

It saddened Joe to know that Phyllis was still having troubles with her past. He wished he could help her but as long as she refused to listen to his advice there was nothing he could do but wait until she came around. There was no question that he would wait for that to happen. „I'll always wait for you.“

The sincerity in Joseph's words gave Phyllis strength. It felt good to know that things were okay between them again and she felt relieved that he understood that she still needed more time. She didn't want to think of her past any more than she had to, even when she knew that Joseph didn't appreciate the way she was dealing with it. It was one of the few topics they disagreed on and therefore better to be left undiscussed.

They talked about all kinds of things while they enjoyed the coffee, mostly art, work and at some point, friends. Or, Thomas Barrow to be precise.

„Contrary to what you believe, Thomas didn't tell you about Peter to get to you, or me. Just this once, he wasn't trying to be cruel, you know.“

„I know you want to believe that. For some reason you like him and you want to think he likes you, too. But trust me, Thomas Barrow is a mean person who only ever acts for his own profit. Or have you forgotten already what he did to you?“ Joe didn't understand why Phyllis was still friends with the guy, who made her life so difficult in the recent past.

„No, I haven't forgotten. But you don't know Thomas like I do. He's different, he just doesn't want to show it. I won't expect you to get along with him but if you want us to work, please accept that Thomas will always be my friend. We're past what he did. We've talked about it and we've decided to move on. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I'm not pretending anymore in front of the others. I was honest and I've been accepted, it's a good feeling. But I'm also glad that our friendship survived that.“

„I'm glad for you. Truly, I am. I'm just afraid that Thomas might still want to give you the feeling of betrayal whenever it is convenient for him“, Joe voiced his fears.

„I know. But whether he will do that or not, it won't keep me from feeling indebted to him in some way. He did get me my job, remember?“

„For completely selfish reasons“, Joe objected, agitated by Phyllis' reluctance to see reason, „I know you have this unusual friendship - which I don't judge“, he quickly added upon seeing her eyes flicker with irritation, „Just don't let it hold you back. That's all I ask. Don't let some imaginary pressure of loyalty win over the natural need for comfort and happiness“, Joe went on to explain himself, „What I want to say is, don't hold on to something that doesn't do you any good. Some things are better left behind.“

Though Phyllis was grateful for the support and the good intentions, she couldn't grasp why it apparently was so difficult for Joseph to accept Thomas as her friend. Upon his reasoning, she couldn't help but roll her eyes in an annoyed way. Had the situation been different, she would most likely have already objected his words, but she didn't want to push him away in any sort of way. Not after they had only just taken a tiny step forward.  
Furthermore, while she willed herself not to like the way in which he tried to force his opinion onto her, a part of her was astonished by how fiercely he fought for what he thought was the right thing to do. It was one of the things she liked about Joseph – he always wanted to do the right thing, and encouraged her to do what was right, instead of what was easy, too.

Before Phyllis could formulate an answer to Joseph's words, her thoughts were interrupted by two loud voices from the corner to her left.

„No, I don't care that you find her nice! She isn't, she just wants to steal you away from me like she did Alfred!“ Surprisingly, it was Daisy Mason who was the source of the loud noise from across the room. Andy, who was seated across from her looked as if he would rather be invisible than the center of everyone's attention.

„Shh, please calm down, Daisy“, he tried to calm his angry girlfriend, „People are starting to look already.“

„Oh, let them“, Daisy snapped, „let them know you're cheating on me with that slut Ivy!“

„Please“, Andy tried once more to calm her down, „that's not true. I've only talked to her. Once.“

By now, not only the other guests were watching the pair but the cafe staff was also eyeing them suspiciously. Joe and Phyllis kept an eye on the younger pair, ready to get over to them in case the situation got out of hand.

„Do you think Daisy will ever grow up?“, Phyllis wondered, thinking the outburst immature.

Joe shrugged, „I know where you're coming from, but aside from the childish way she expresses herself, I think it's quite sensible to speak up about her worries. It's better than letting Andrew think she's mad for no reason.“

„You think? Well, maybe you're right. Still, I'm a little worried that one day, she will take her jealousy too far. Let’s just hope she won’t call off the engagement over this“, Phyllis admitted. She knew Daisy tended to get jealous over nothing like she had when Andy spent time with Thomas. It had been a surprise that, after having been seeing each other for only a few weeks, the two young people had recently gotten engaged already. But if Phyllis had thought for a moment that this development might calm Daisy down a bit, she was just proven wrong. If anything, the even closer relationship now had only made the girl more clingy. She really did hope that it wouldn't all get too much for Andy.

„Don't you worry about them, they'll be fine. Let's leave them to it and you’ll see that everything will be alright in the morning. I’m sure they won’t call it off“, Joe replied, trying to gain back her attention.

But Phyllis wasn't convinced yet. „I don't know. You're never safe until that ring is on your finger.“

For a moment, Joe only stared at her, not sure what to make of that. For some reason, he couldn't explain to himself, the words that left his mouth in an answer were just as peculiar as Phyllis' statement.

„Well, would you want to be safe?“, he asked, with a playful hint.

He saw Phyllis blink upon the strange turn of the conversation. „I might“, she said in a quiet, almost shy voice, before she turned away from his watch hurriedly. 'Why did I say that?', Phyllis wondered to herself, 'I must be completely mad to voice something so foolish! How can I ever look him in the eye again?'

Joseph didn't drop the matter in his signature way of changing the subject to something altogether unrelated within seconds, but he didn't inquire further, either. Instead, he just observed her with a mildly surprised look, and said nothing.  
He was lying, when after a few minutes, he told her that he would better call it a day because he still had work to do that needed to be done until the next day. It was Friday, after all, and as a teacher, he naturally had the weekend off. But Phyllis chose not to comment on that and let him leave.

 

Just minutes ago he had assured her never to push her into anything, what the heck had triggered him to say something as stupid? And in such a joking tone, on top of everything. Joseph could literally bite himself for being so reckless. Would you want to be safe? What a silly kind of question that was. Hell, she had just told him that she had felt safe around him – until he had been selfish enough to let her past drive him away. Sure, she had joined his joking tone when she replied, but it had been her very vague answer and her almost shy reaction that made him ask himself if his incompetence around women had once more lead to disaster.


	24. in which there is time to think

Many weeks had passed since that day at the Wallace Collection. Weeks in which the contact with Joseph had been non-existent apart from the occasional meeting in the stairwell. At first, Phyllis had tried to convince herself that it was all because of her work which had consumed her in the last month or so and also maybe a little because they had still been on unsteady grounds. But if she was being honest with herself, she had to admit that the strange turn their conversation that day in the restaurant had taken, had everything to do with the current situation.  
In order to try and clear her mind from any thoughts, Phyllis decided on her day off, that a run through the park would maybe do her good. While she was running though, she let her mind wander back to the source of her current troubles once more.

She wouldn't fool herself. She liked Joseph, probably far more that was good for her. Still, she also knew she wasn't ready for more than friendship yet. Would he really accept that, though? Joseph Molesley was such a nice man, so honest and understanding, despite the sometimes quirky way in which he expressed himself, that the last thing she wanted to do was to lead him on. Which was exactly what she would have done if she hadn't used her work as a convenient excuse for not going out again. And he had explicitly told her, more than once, that he really liked her which resulted in her being even more cautious.

Why was it that whenever they took a tiny step forward, something would happen that took them three steps back again? It was like a pattern was forming. When Phyllis had met Joseph, it had been easy with him. They met occasionally and went on pick-nicks or for coffee. But now, it seemed to be more and more complicated to be around him. Or – it had been until they had practically run from each other after they had been out together the last time. It seemed that the more Joseph tried to make things work, the more Phyllis pushed him away. She ran away, left him standing, and now she was pretending he didn't exist. 

She knew that this was not the right way to deal with her problems – just as it was wrong to pretend that Peter and her past didn’t exist. The only possible solution would be to face the complications her life tended to frequently throw at her, but that was easier said than done. Thomas would most likely want to shake her if he knew of her inner turmoil. When they were young, it had always been Phyllis looking for a way to solve any problem that Thomas wanted to run away from. She had always tried to implement to her friend that not dealing with a problem would only make it worse in the end. But that was then and this was now, and she was not that person, anymore. How ironic that instead she had adapted to ignoring complications, too. How ironic that she was literally trying to run away from it all just now. She knew it was cowardly not to deal with the events of her past like she should, and she knew that it was just as cowardly to choose to ignore Joseph instead of taking a chance.

Phyllis wasn’t even sure what exactly was keeping her from giving Joseph a real chance. It definitely wasn’t for a lack of feelings that she kept him at bay, for he had become very dear to her. In fact so much that it almost felt as if those strong feelings were really the reason for her extremely cautious behaviour. Then again, she wasn’t really sure if she was able to maintain a proper relationship if it came to it or if she could even be that person Joseph saw in her. Until now, she had failed miserably in that department, being as emotionally messed up and complicated as she was and thus not making it easy for him to understand her.  
All those recent misunderstandings and awkward situations between the two of them maybe only served as indicators that they weren’t meant to be. Or maybe, Phyllis was just afraid to be happy again, because it reminded her of the last time she had let herself give in to the sensation of being carefree around a man – which had ended disastrous.

Recently, her thoughts had begun to wander more and more around Peter again. The question if she would ever completely be out of his grip still bothered her. She wanted him to be nothing more than a distant memory that didn't affect her at all. But that was a long road, still, and one that turned out to be more winding that she thought, especially now that Peter had started writing to her.

 

It was unusual for Thomas to spend the early morning of his day off outside. Normally, he was a late sleeper who preferred to stay at home and have a lazy breakfast. Today however, the sun had shone through his window and had woken him up and the nice weather had been enough to make him get ready for the day and head outside to have coffee and maybe a bite to eat in the park.

On his walk, Thomas thought about his new colleague once again. He knew it wasn’t normal that he constantly had his mind on Richard and that someday soon, he would have to do something about it. He just wasn’t sure if he should follow the advice to talk to the younger man and maybe even invite him to a night out or if the wiser thing would be to ignore the feelings until they went away. Momentarily, he was tending to the latter until he thought of Bax. Thomas could almost see her lecturing him about running away from his feelings and how that wouldn’t do him any good. She had always pestered him about facing complications.

As he arrived at the stuffy café around the corner where Bax had dragged him to last night, that was located just across from the park entrance, Thomas suddenly noticed that he didn’t feel hungry at all yet. He turned around abruptly from his place at the door only to almost walk into someone who was about to enter the coffee shop behind him. As his thoughts had been miles away, Thomas hadn’t taken in anything from around him, least of all the slightly shorter woman who had literally just ran into him.

Collecting himself in the split of a second, he remarked, “Watch where you’re going, will you?”, in his signature way not to admit that it had been him who had made the mistake by turning around all of a sudden without a warning.

The person in front of him lifted her head and grinned when she recognized just who she had run into, “Watch where you’re going yourself, Thomas, and keep your mind on your surroundings before you’re hurting anyone. Or yourself.”

“Can’t you leave me alone, even on my free day, Bax?”, Thomas grumbled in response.

“Don’t go to places I visit frequently if you don’t wanna see me”, she retorted, still with a smile on her face that confused Thomas. In that moment he was sure that no matter what, he would never completely understand her way of thinking. Bax was the only person he knew who didn’t bother too much with his snide remarks. Well, except Andy, maybe – since they had talked things over Andy had become more cheeky around him, even taking on the habit of making fake-fun of Thomas’ infatuation with Richard, all the while encouraging him to make a move just the same. But just like Bax, he only meant well which maybe should be enough for him to be a little more daring towards the younger man. If only it was that easy.

“What brings you outside at this early hour, anyway?” Phyllis asked with a suspicious look, „This is not like you at all.“

“I’ve been thinking. You?” Thomas replied, returning the question.

“Me too. Want to talk about it?”

“No. You?”

“No”, she shook her head, “You want a coffee and just sit outside in the sun?”

“Why not?”, he shrugged and that’s what they did. Neither of them were in a mood for conversation, so they were both glad that they didn't need awkward small talk to feel comfortable around each other.


	25. in which letters bring trouble

some days later

Phyllis couldn't make up her mind about that letter that had been in her mail a few days ago or the one that had reached her yesterday and therefore they were both lying opened on her small side table ever since they had arrived. It was as if they served as a reminder of times gone by that laughed at her every time she looked at it. If only she could decide whether to answer him or not. Her musings were interrupted by a knock on the door.  
When Phyllis opened the door she was greeted by the funny sight of Joseph in his gardening attire. One would think she had gotten used to his hideous gloves and the funny apron, but even after seeing him clad in those things so many times before she still had to smile at the sight.

„I-I hope I'm not bothering you“, he said and after she shook her head in answer, continued, „I was just going...going through my mail and I found this.“ Joseph held up a letter with a distinctively familiar handwriting on it. Still, that didn't explain why he was standing in her doorway, stuttering away. Her face must have shown the confusion about his appearance, so he hurried to say, „It seems that this one was wrongly delivered to my place. It's for you.“

Phyllis still looked at her neighbor expectantly. His behavior was as annoying as always, it was beyond her why he didn't make any attempt at handing her the letter, when it was obviously addressed to her.

Joseph made a face that was concerned, and elaborated, „I hope it's not bad news, seeing as to who sent it. I wasn't sure if I should just throw it in your mailbox or give it to you in person ... Actually, no, I'm glad I did knock. Gives me an excuse to see if you still live here. We haven't seen each other in a while.“ His voice had gotten an almost accusing tone towards the end, which didn't go unnoticed.

„No, we haven't“, Phyllis said, and looked down. She wasn't quite comfortable with him so obviously knowing that she was the one responsible for losing touch. Still, she didn't want to seem too downcast and smiled when she continued, „But now you have made me curious about that damn letter.“ With a swift movement she grabbed the piece of paper from his hand and ripped it open. She frowned when she read the name of the sender on the backside: Peter Coyle. Of course, Joseph would be worried.

Phyllis decided better not to read the letter in front of Joseph and tossed the envelope onto her side table, on top of the other, already opened letters. „Oh, another one from him“, she said casually. Too casually for his comfort.

The nerve of that man upset Joseph deeply. How could he dare to send her letters? „Another one?“, he asked in an agitated voice, „Meaning, this is not the first letter he sent you? I hope you threw them out right away!“

Phyllis blinked. She was shocked at the determination in Joseph's behavior, even though she should have gotten used to his vehemence by now when it came to the subject of Peter Coyle. When did he get so relentless? „No, I did not“, she replied in an equally determined tone but then continued much more indecisively, „He wants to see me, I don't really know what to do.“

„I hope you're not considering it“, Joseph said, a little bewildered.

„I can't seem to make up my mind.“

„Burn them, that's what you should do!“ Joseph told her. In a fit of anger he had automatically grabbed Phyllis' upper arms with both of his hands. He literally wanted to shake the words out of her, that he was right and she shouldn't even give those letters a second thought. How could she be so indecisive, so incapable of seeing that nothing reminding her of that dark spot in her past would ever do her any good?

Phyllis looked up at him, her eyes open wide and full of emotion with something that Joseph couldn't indentify exactly. It reminded him of a child in fear of being reprimanded for a forgotten homework. Only seconds later, she pushed her body away from him with all her might.

„Don't“, she cried, putting her arms around her upper body in a protective manner, and now Joseph definitely caught the fear in her voice. There was suddenly a tension in the air that hadn't ever been there before. Phyllis was looking down, evading his eyes. She was clearly embarrassed by her unexpected reaction. Joseph noticed her heavy, uneven breathing and gave her a moment to calm down again.  
He could see that she was struggling to find the right words, when after a while she apologetically said, „I'm sorry, I didn't mean to push you, I know you mean well. It's just ... it's no use talking as if you can force me to just forget about the letters, we both know you can't.“

The tone in his voice, the close proximity and the way he had grabbed her, had made something inside her snap, and it resulted in a response that was harsher than in normally would have been.  
„I think you should go.“

Though Joseph was reluctant, he did as he was told. The last thing he wanted was to hurt Phyllis so he retreated back to his own flat. Still, leaving her alone in such a state worried him. It was more than obvious that something about their closeness had triggered her reaction. Of course, she must have been frightened when he had approached her with such fierceness. He had been angry and it had most likely shown in his expression. Taking her experiences into account, she must have feared the worst in that moment. He could really punch himself for being so reckless.  
If those last few weeks had been any indication, Phyllis had been recovering only slowly. It hurt him to see her lapse back into that distanced behavior, now. It meant that the whole damn Peter-business was still consuming her far more than she would want to admit.

After Joseph had left, Phyllis just stood there in the middle of her living room, staring at the closed door. She didn't dare to move for some time, too afraid that even the tiniest change would lead to a complete break-down. What had just happened?, she asked herself. She knew it had been stupid of her to push Joseph away. She knew he had meant well and only wanted to help her. There wasn't the slightest doubt in her about his good intentions, Joseph was the kindest person she had ever met, he would never hurt her intentionally. Still, her body had responded to his touch in the only way she had learned to: rejection in order to protect herself. It showed that she had only fooled herself during the last days when she told herself that Peter's letters didn't affect her.  
All it took for her to relapse was a single touch. A touch from the man she cared so deeply about. It hurt her to watch how crestfallen he had retreated after she had sent him away without so much as an explanation.

Out of the corner of her eye, Phyllis caught sight of the letters lying on the side table, again. Joseph was right, she should just burn them and forget that she ever got them in the first place. The problem was, she couldn't. Something inside her told her that she needed to do something in order to find peace with her past. As long as she just ignored them, they were like a curse haunting her and bringing back all the bad memories of a life that she had tried to bury in the depths of her soul. She would only go on fooling herself if she believed that throwing them away would erase those memories. Memories couldn't be erased, however much she wanted to. If she wanted to accept her past as a part of herself, she would have to face it. The only solution was to face the problem, she would write her answer letter to Peter the next day.


	26. in which things get better

„Dear Peter“, she typed. No, Phyllis thought, scratch that.

„Peter“, she started again, „I can't say that you didn't surprise me with those letters or with your request to see me.“

Once more, Phyllis took a moment to re-read her words. He wouldn't like the repeated use of negation, he never had. 

Erasing the sentence, she typed „Your letters surprised me.“ Then shook her head and erased the words once more. That was definitely too bold.

Phyllis took a breath. This was turning out more complicated than she had imagined. For heaven's sake, she scolded herself, you should be able to manage a simple letter. But Peter and simple weren't two things that went along well. On the one hand, Phyllis didn't want him to be angry right away when he would read her reply but on the other hand she wanted her words to make clear that she only agreed to see him for her own sake. For she was sure that meeting up would serve for her to finally get over everything that happened and be able to move forward. Phyllis had always preached that confronting one's fears was the best way to overcome them and she was determined to do so. 

Taking a moment to herself and burying her head in her hands, Phyllis didn't notice the man sneaking up to her desk behind her. 

„Peter“, he spat, „I don't suppose this is work?“

Without looking up, she shook her head. Phyllis sighed once more. She didn't have the nerve to listen to her friend going on about how she should just forget 'the bastard' as he had taken a habit of calling him. 

„I know what you're doing, Bax“, Thomas said in a much softer tone, „and it's not doing you any good.“

Now, he had her attention. „What do you mean, you know what I'm doing?“ She asked, turning to face him.

„I know you, you think that answering those letters and facing him would help you. But it won't. It will only prove that you still depend on him and his opinion of you“, Thomas explained.

For a moment, Phyllis watched him with clouded eyes, as if she was trying to make up her mind. Suddenly, realization hit that Thomas couldn't know about the letters, unless - „How do you know about the letters?“

„How do you think? That annoying neighbour of yours told me. Last night at the pub – Apparently, he has a habit of going through other people's mail. Or your mail, at least. And he was worried for you, the poor guy“, Thomas said, making fun of Joe and his infatuation with his friend. „Anyway, you're wrong wanting to answer them.“ 

„No, Thomas, you're wrong. Please don't think that I haven't thought about this, but I need to see him, I just need to. Or I'll never be able to move on. I need to prove to myself that I'm able to face him.“

But Thomas wouldn't give up that easily. „I know you would think along those lines, this is exactly your way of thinking and he knows it. But listen to someone who knows how to manipulate – the only reason he wants to see you for is to prove that he still has a hold over you. You might think that the strong thing would be to face him, but to him it would only prove your weakness and that you still need him.“

Phyllis frowned, „What do you suggest, then?“, she asked, still not convinced.

„Ignore the letters, ignore him. And prove to yourself that you don't need him either way. You're strong enough without the guy, Bax.“

„I wonder if you are right“, she relucantly said.

„I am right“, Thomas tried to convince his friend.

„That's easy for you to say. You know, I envy you. You don't need to prove anything to anyone, you don't care what people say“, Phyllis said, not feeling half as strong, „You just do what you think is right for you, while I - I tremble at the mere idea of doing the wrong thing and making a fool of myself. I'd hate to be pitied.“

„You're daft, you know that?“, Thomas said, almost amused. „You are stronger than you think“, Thomas repeated and added as an afterthought, „And you're wrong about me. I mind what people say.“

He knew it was all he could do in order to make his friend see reason. Now, he could only hope she would come around to make the right decision, so he turned and left her alone. 

When Phyllis turned around to her computer, the word was still printed on the screen.

„Peter“

She erased it, wondering if erasing him from her life would really be the right thing to do. 

 

Even in the late afternoon, after she had taken her half-hour break, Phyllis' mind was still on the letters. After the talk with Thomas she had made up her mind, deciding that she would not react to them. But the what if's still made her curious. How would she react upon seeing Peter again? What would they talk about and would they even be able to hold up a conversation? Contemplating all this, Phyllis could only think of one thing – she wouldn't know what to say because there was really nothing she wanted to say to him. Nothing she could do would make her feel any better about the things that happened. Maybe, she should take on Joseph's suggestion and burn the letters in the fireplace. 

With Joseph crossing her mind, Phyllis remembered something else he had given her advice on. She pondred if enough time had passed since the last time she had talked to Charles about writing a theatre review. After all, it had been weeks and he had suggested she should approach him again. So, she walked over to Charles' office and knocked.

„Come in“, a slightly grumpy voice said.

Phyllis stuck her head through the door hesitantly. She knew that Charles was better not be crossed if he was stressed. „I'm sorry to disturb you, I hope I'm not bothering you ...“

„No, no please do come in“, the older man replied, a bit more forthcoming now that he knew who was asking for his time. After the initial troubles with Phyllis and her connection to Thomas, he had come to like her quite well. Elsie had been right, she was a good worker and an agreeable person. „What can I do for you?“

Phyllis stepped in to the office and took a small step forward when she spoke, „I was recently reminded of a play I'd want to see and I wondered if maybe, you could think again about giving me the chance to write about it?“

Charles only stared for a moment. He had already forgotten again about the peculiar request from Ms. Baxter from a while ago. To him it wasn't understandable how someone with her professional background could want to bother with such things as theatre. 

„Why do you think you would be suited to this?“, he bluntly asked, „Don't get me wrong Miss Baxter, but if I remember correctly, you've had quite the political career before you came here.“

Phyllis smiled a little, „Of course, you must wonder, Mr. Carson“, she agreed, „it isn't that I don't like my job, I do. I was always interested in politics, but my heart is really with the theatre, and art and, well I – I wish I could tell people about it and get them interested, too. Because art really is often so under-appreciated between the sports columns and the news.“

„You seem passionate enough about it“, Charles commented amusedly, „and as it happens, I do have two tickets for a premiere tonight. It's nothing big, mind you, but I won't be able to go, so you can have them if you're serious about it. It's just a one time thing and we will see if we can make this permanent. I'm not going to make any promises here.“

„Really?“, Phyllis was perplexed. She hadn't expected her boss to agree to it so fast. The last time she had talked to him he had been more than reluctant to let her write anything other than straightforward political articles. „I – I mean, thank you. This is most generous of you.“

„Believe me, it isn't. I got those -“, he said, pointing to the tickets, „from someone who wanted to coerse me into writing some praising words in return for a little publicity. But don't you let yourself be influenced by that. If that play is bad, then please by all means, say so.“

„I will, of course“, Phyllis nodded.

„Oh, one more condition“, Charles said meaningful, „don't take Thomas with you. He wouldn't appreciate it.“

Phyllis grinned and shook her head. No, she wouldn't take Thomas anywhere near a theatre, he definitely wouldn't appreciate it. She knew who she wanted to take there instead – but first, she would have to clear things with him.

 

Just ouside the small office, Phyllis ran into Thomas and Andy. She was glad that the two men got on well now, it seemed that just like herself and Thomas, they had left behind the past and had grown to be really good friends. She was happy for Thomas to have found someone whom he could be himself around. It wasn't as if the real Thomas was completely different from the facade he normally built up. He was still bitter most of the time and never short of a snappy remark. But he would show that he didn't mean the things he said in the way he said them, and he would let them see a glimpse of his caring side.

„Why are you grinning so stupidly?“ It was Thomas' snide remark that pulled Phyllis out of her reveries. „Was Christmas announced early this year?“

„Well, it was for me. Or just as good as, because Charles agreed to let me write about theatre. I'm going to a premiere tonight“, she proudly exclaimed.

„So, you're not in our department any longer?“ Andy asked.

„It's nothing permanent for the moment, he wants to know what he's at, of course. But I want to make sure not to disappoint him, because I really would like to change.“

„Speaking of changing positions, you'll never guess what Andy here just confessed“, Thomas intervened.

Automatically, Phyllis turned to Andy who suddenly had a sheepish grin on his face, looking rather guilty. „No, I probably won't. What did you confess?“

As Andy had apparently lost his voice, it was Thomas who spoke, „Only that he lied when he said that the only reason for him to go into politics was his interest in the subject.“

Now, Andy miraculously found his voice back and continued, „Thomas is right, he was right all the time. It was Daisy and the Mason's who pushed me into keeping a distance from Thomas. It's not something I'm proud of.“

„Oh, but I knew that. I mean, everyone knew that“, Phyllis replied, taken aback.

„Thomas didn't“, Andy objected embarrassed, „or at least, he only suspected. But I wanted to put things right, because I really want to be friends with you, Thomas.“ He had turned towards the other man while he was talking. 

„And I want to be friends with you, too“, he added, turning back to Phyllis, „but I know I couldn't if I wasn't being honest with him. Anyway, I'm staying where I am now, because all this football and cricket really isn't my thing, but now, it has nothing to do with the company. I won't let myself be talked out of a friendship again.“

Thomas patted the younger man on the back in a friendly gesture. He knew that Andy was a nice guy, only a little naive. It was good to have someone who stood by his side, even if Thomas would never admit it to anyone.  
Bax was grinning at him as if she knew exactly what he was thinking. She annoyed him, she really did. Somehow though, he couldn't help to feel a tad happy for her now that she had finally come to a point at which she was able to leave the past behind.


	27. in which talking with each other helps

Knowing his schedule and knowing around which time he would be home, Phyllis knew just when she would have to wait for him in front of her own door. Waiting for him that day make her nervous nevertheless and so she was pacing the landing after only a few minutes. She was rather angry at her neighbour for involving Thomas in her worries and relieved when she heard his footsteps coming up the stairs some time later.

As soon as Joe reached his landing, he knew that he must have made some kind of mistake. Phyllis was standing there with her arms crossed in front of her and looking at him with a mixture of hurt, disappointment and anger. None of which could mean anything good for him.

„Didn't you trust your own power of persuasion?“, she asked him fiercely, without so much as a hello.

„What?“, Joe was taken aback by the sudden – and to this point unwarranted outburst. There was not much he could say to her mysterious question.

„Don't pretend. Who else would Thomas have heard it from? I know it was you who told him about the letters“, she explained, making it clear by the demanding tone of her voice that she was everything but happy about his involvement.

„I think you'll regret giving Peter back that power he had over you. Which you will, if you meet him again“, Joe wanted to explain his motives. Maybe she could accept his actions if she understood why he talked to Thomas.

Blinking in surprise, Phyllis frowned. It surprised her that Joseph didn't back off this time, but instead staying as determined as he had been when he had basically demanded her to get rid of the letters. She assumed that for once, he was convinced about being right or else he would not be like this.

„Keep your troubles to yourself, will you?“, a voice from two flights down suddenly shouted, „Not everyone is interested in your problems!“

Phyllis gulped, shocked that apparently their conversation had been louder than she had noticed. Joseph only looked at her, most certainly waiting for a reply. But what else was there to say? He had betrayed her trust by running to Thomas and that hurt. Without thinking any further, Phyllis turned around and went back to her own apartment, slamming the door shut with a loud thud behind her.

Joe was still as perplexed as he had been initially when Phyllis had taken him by surprise. After he had come home the night before he had wondered whether it had been the right decision to include Thomas Barrow. But then again, he wasn't able to make Phyllis see reason and when he saw Thomas at the pub, he thought that if there was one person in the world who could, it would be him. It had felt right back then.

It didn't feel right anymore now, though. The short exchange had made him so nervous that he wasn't even able to unlock his own door. Instead, he was still fuddling with the keys, worrying over the idea that he had maybe pushed Phyllis too far. Her reaction had been anything but positive.

In his job as a school teacher he was used to scolding the kids from time to time when they were running through the hallways or forgot to do their homework. Around Phyllis, it was more and more he himself who felt like a naughty child being told-off. An altogether unpleasant feeling, however not completely unjustified. It hadn't been wise to ask Thomas of all people for help when Joe had the feeling that Phyllis was about to make a wrong decision, Thomas who had been bullying her and therefore had been the cause of her distress for so long. But Thomas was also Phyllis' oldest friend, as she never ceased to say, and that made him probably the only person she would listen to. But his attempt to help had backfired, now Phyllis was upset with him and his faith lay solely in Thomas and his ability to make Phyllis see reason. What a prospect!

Before Joseph could even open his door, Phyllis' door slammed open again, Joseph turned his head towards her at the banging sound. He hadn't expected her to show up again so soon.

„I overreacted“, she said, slowly stepping out into the landing, hesitation was prominent in her voice, „I'm not sorry for telling you off, I still think it was wrong that you talked to Thomas, but I shouldn't have left you standing there.“

Joseph couldn't help but smile at this. It was a good sign that for once, she didn't apologize, especially when she had every right to be disappointed in him. „I know it was a mistake“, he admitted, „but I couldn't get through to you and I – I... well, Thomas was the only person that came to my mind who could prevent you from doing something stu – something you would regret later on. I know you would regret it, I just know. That's why I had to do something.“

„Then, it might please you to hear that Thomas did indeed persuade me to change my mind and forget about those letters.“

Joseph nodded in confirmation. Oh yes, it did please him that she had made the right decision in the end and that she wasn't too mad about his interference. „Great, now I'm forever indebted to Thomas Barrow, for helping me“, he said with a hint of sarcasm.

„And I'm forever indebted to you“, Phyllis said, a smile gracing her lips, „for not giving up on me when it would have been the easy thing to do.“

„How do you feel now? I mean, are you content with the fact that you're not going to face him after all?“ Even though Joseph was happy about Phyllis' decision he wanted to be sure that she was convinced herself that it was the right thing to do. It wouldn't help if she had decided simply based on his and Thomas' urging.

„In one way I feel relieved. Still, when I think about it, I suppose I had already braced myself to facing him. Now, it all feels a bit anticlimatic“, she explained, and when she noticed Joseph's troubled face, she added, „but not wrong.“

Joseph's questioning glance had turned into a smile. He supposed he must have looked rather silly, grinning like a fool, but it was the only reaction he could manage at this positive turn of events.

Phyllis didn't reflect his relaxed mood, instead she frowned slightly, as if she was fighting a battle with herself to find the right words to say. It took her some time before she carefully formulated a sentence, „Listen, I know I put you through a lot, when you only meant well. And what I said to you, that day after the museum, I -“

„Please, let's not talk about that, it was a stupid question, anyway. Maybe we can both forget that ever happened?“ Joseph interrupted her little speech, painfully aware of the awkwardness any mentioning of that strange conversation would bring up.

Phyllis nodded in agreement. „Well then, let me make it up to you in another way that I have been such a moron. My boss has agreed to give me a go at writing a theatre review. It's opening night and I have a spare ticket, so I hoped, maybe you would like to come along?“

„D-did he? Well, that's great news“, Joseph's excitement showed in his slight stutter, „Of course, I would l-love to come with you.“

„Great. Then, we should leave at seven, I guess.“

„Sure, I, I'll ring to pick you up.“

 

The theatre play, it turned out, wasn't nearly as bad as Charles' remark had insinuated. Phyllis had actually enjoyed most parts of it, with the few lenghts not really bothering her. After all, she had had Joseph who was gladly commenting whenever he noticed Phyllis leaning her had to one side in confusion or letting her eyes wander everywhere but the stage when she was on the verge of becoming bored.

At first, when they left the theatre building, Joe suggested they get something to eat but then they noticed how chilly the evening air had become and instead decided to go to their usual spot. Ivy's café was not far and the sky looked as if it was going to rain soon, so it was a convenient choice.  
Joseph had started to walk rather fast and looking around in search for something, voicing his worries about the upcoming rain only when Phyllis commented on it.

„Are you trying to get rid of me or why are you almost running all of a sudden?“, she asked when he had taken on a pace that she couldn't hold up with any longer in her high heels.

Clearly surprised, Joe stopped to turn around, „No, no of course not. I'm jsut trying to find us a taxi. It's gonna rain soon.“

„We don't need a taxi, we can easily walk. Like you said before, Ivy's place isn't too far away, and I don't mind the rain“, she objected, preferring the idea of spending some time alone with Joseph walking to the café instead of in a stuffy cab.

„But we will be getting wet!“ Joe exclaimed only to have Phyllis return, „Well, that's the point! It's the best feeling in the world, rain on my skin. It makes me happy.“

At this, Joe shrugged and let her lead the way. Who was he to deny her a little happiness? They walked on in silence for a while, Joe still silently hoping that they would make it to the café before the rain would start and Phyllis just being comfortable next to him. Just before they reached the corner to the café, Joe's fears came true when raindrops hit him. Out of reflex, he grabbed his friend's arm and tried to pull her with him under a protruding roof but Phyllis freed herself from his loose grip and ran on the empty street. In the light of the streetlamp he could see her just standing there, obviously enjoying the sensation.

Joe was watching his friend with an amused grin while she was spinning in the heavy rain a few moments later, not caring if she was getting soaked. He realized that since he had met her, Phyllis had never looked as happy and content as she did in that exact moment. She was being silly of course, trying to engage him in dancing in the rain, too. But in the end, Joe gave in when he felt how the rain on his skin was relaxing him, too. The happiness was contagious, it seemed.

Alfred stared at them when they stumbled into the cafe minutes later, with their clothes and hair drenched from head to toe. He was pushed to the side soon though, as Ivy was rushing over to the pair, with towels in her hands for them to dry themselves a little.   
Some time later, when they were seated near the fireplace, drinking coffee and having the usual cinnamon rolls it was clear to both of them how nice of an evening it was. And not just because of the interesting play they had been to.


	28. friends

It took three or four friendly encounters with Joseph for Phyllis to actually grasp the whole extend of the relationship they momentarily shared.  
After their date to the theatre a good two weeks ago, they had met again, once to the theatre and then to visit museums she hadn’t gone to before. It had been comforting and almost as uncomplicated as when they had first met each other and it hadn’t been until the night before that she had fully understood just how attached Joseph had gotten to her company.

On the one hand Phyllis felt flattered that despite all her quirks she hadn’t been able to scare him away. It meant that there was something about her he liked – which was a feeling she wasn’t used to after years of being told that she was anything but special. Apart from that there was also the aspect of her own feelings which she hardly managed to control these days. Every heartwarming look Joseph sent her and every accidental touch whenever he helped her in her coat in a most gentlemanly manner or when he kissed her cheek upon saying good-night, it was like a hundred butterflies went crazy inside her making her heart skip a beat.  
Phyllis was convinced that even though she had left Peter behind her she still needed time for herself before she could be in a relationship again. The last thing she wanted was for Joseph to be that person who only served for her to get over her last, failed one. He was simply too precious for that. So, however hard it was, she had tried to keep a friendly distance. A distance that ironically made her feel both far away and yet so close to him, since that moment when she became aware of how torturous this whole thing between them must be for him.

She was neither stupid nor daft and Joseph had told her more than once – even if not in the exact words – that he was falling in love with her and that was just what made her consider if maybe it would be better to put a stop to their regular afternoons out. For now. Until she was sure what it was that she wanted.

 

Maybe that really would have been the more sensible option but with them being neighbours it wasn’t as easy to avoid each other. And, if she was honest with herself, Phyllis knew that she could have tried just a little harder if it had really been what she wanted. Instead, it became almost automatically for her to hope to find Joseph on the landing outside his door when she walked up the stairs or to meet him on the balcony watering his flowers.

With that thought in mind, she stepped out on her own balcony that late afternoon after work. Phyllis didn’t even have to look to know that he was standing there. She smiled fondly to herself, enjoying the soft murmurs that reached her ears while he was once again talking to his flowers, not noticing her.

Tilting her head a little to the side, she wondered why he always did such a strange thing and voiced it in a joking way. “Do you know that they will never answer?”, she asked mildly concerned.

Joseph spun around in surprise, dropping his watering can. “Of course, I do”, he said, slightly offended at the insinuation that he didn’t. But when he saw Phyllis smiling at him he knew she didn’t mean it and his expression softened. “But it feels as if they actually listen, which is a good change for most of the children at school who can only pretend as much to be interested. Makes one feel redundant from time to time.”

“Don’t talk as if your life wasn’t worthwhile when I know it is”, Phyllis scolded him for the way Joe tended to speak ill of himself, “t's not true, anyway. You are lucky, being well liked and respected by your colleagues and the children alike.”

“Me?”, he asked, doubting her words, “I’m not used to feeling lucky.”

“Well, you should be. And you should know, you can always talk to me, I will listen”, Phyllis said leaving no room for comment, and in that moment she knew that she truly, definitely meant it. She was fooling herself if she pretended to rather keep Joe at bay because she knew that if he ever asked her to be there for him, she would without blinking. But another thought came to her after what he’d said. He was beginning to sell himself short again, not trusting his abilities, which she didn’t like at all. “And I’m sure the children are much more eager to learn something from you than you like to believe”, she tried to give him reassurance, “You are so clever and they would be fools not to listen to you.”

Not knowing what to reply Joseph chuckled, a little embarrassed by the compliment. It was in moments like this one that his modesty got the better of him and he felt more awkward than honoured upon those words. He had always had a problem with accepting compliments, especially from women because he never thought he had something that any woman would compliment him on, but with Phyllis he had taken the awkwardness to a whole new level.

“I’ve waited for you here”, he blurted out after a minute or so, “I hoped you would come.”

It was impossible for Phyllis not to notice his ears turning red when she answered shyly, “Did you, now?! Because, I hoped you would be here, too.”

“Really? That’s nice, I guess?”, Joe asked, his voice high-pitched but beaming nonetheless, “I – I wanted t-to talk to you, about something at the school.”

She didn’t even have to think about why Joseph made her laugh with his behaviour and his cute way of talking to her, he simply did, and there was no way that she would disagree with him. “Yes, it is nice”, she agreed, “what did you want to tell me?”

“It’s about the school, like I said”, Joseph started to explain, “I’ve talked about some of my colleagues because I’ve had this idea for a … well, it’s kind of a book club for students. Where they could discuss book they read and learn about writing, you know. I know of a few students who would be interested.”

Phyllis nodded in agreement, “I’ve heard of the concept. It’s a good idea, I’d say, but I’m not qualified to have an opinion in this, I’m not a teacher. Though I think it only proves what I told you.”

Joe was quiet for a moment, brushing away the thought that Phyllis could really think him as clever as she had expressed earlier. Still, a small voice told him that she wasn’t one to say things she didn’t mean. “I know your judgment probably wouldn’t weigh much in front of the head teacher but it does to me. So, if you want to, I’d like to tell you more about it before you make up your mind. We could go to Ivy's.”

He sensed her hesitating immediately and instantly wondered if it would ever get different with Phyllis. Or if they would forever be trapped in the carousel of him awkwardly stuttering and her reluctantly agreeing to see him again forever. He desperately wanted to help her decide on this and tried to persuade her, saying, “It’s only coffee, you won’t have to surrender any of your independence.”

“Well then, why not?”, Phyllis shrugged in reply.

 

“I want you to know, the last thing I want is to push you into anything. I know you’ve had enough of that and I know it would only drive us further apart”, Joseph told Phyllis earnestly when they sat across from each other in Ivy’s café an hour later.

He had told her every detail of his plan with the children’s book club and Phyllis had intently listened to his words. She was intrigued by his enthusiasm and also a little amused by it and had to laugh when Joe told her that this was exactly how she herself behaved whenever they spoke about the theatre. She loved it how they were so similar in so many things. She loved a lot about the relationship, she loved a lot about him. “I know, though I still find it sometimes hard to believe that you could really mean all those things”, she admitted, “It’s not that I don’t trust you to be honest, because I do, I really do. I’m just not used to this.”

Smiling, albeit a little sadly, Joe repeated her words, “I know. I know we’re still complicated, I won’t fool myself into believing we’re not. But I also want you to know that I’ll do whatever it takes to make this work. And we can be like this, like friends, as long as you want us to, and if that’s all you’re ever capable of then I‘ll be okay with that, too.”

“Thomas was wrong”, Phyllis said after giving his words some thought.

“What about, now?” Joe asked, already getting agitated at so much as the name of Thomas Barrow.

“He once said, months ago, that you were just a joke.”

“But he’s right with that, I am most of the time”, Joseph said, grimacing. He had to agree to that, no matter how much he despised himself for it.

But Phyllis only shook her head, “You’re never when you’re with me. You’re the kindest man I’ve ever met, you’re sweet and understanding and you accept me as who I am even when you know all this horrible stuff about me. You still stick around, though I tend to push you away. You never give up on me even when I’m ashamed of myself. And what you’ve said just now is really the most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me.”

“I shouldn’t be”, he simply stated, “you’re a beautiful person and this is the only way you deserve to be treated.”

Phyllis tried hard to blink away the tears that had formed in her eyes, but not with much avail. Joseph had noticed her emotional state, anyway. “You know what I like most about being with you?”, she asked and continued when he shook his head.  
“When you’re with me, I feel as if I can be normal again. As if my life can be normal again. Like this”, she tried to explain, pointing at the coffee and remains of two cinnamon rolls in front of her, “I’ve always wanted to be a regular in a coffee shop where they know my usual order. Silly, I know, but it’s even better now that I have this with you.”

In that moment Joseph was simply happy to be a part of Phyllis Baxter’s life. He didn’t care much about where the future would lead them because he knew that he would wait for her as long as she took or give her the friendship she needed. He would always love her either way.


	29. in which the school catches fire

It was a week later and Phyllis was sat in one of the comfortable stuffed armchairs in Ivy's café. She was working on some articles when Gwen approached her cautiously. Since the younger woman had left her work in the agency recently, the only place where the two friends would usually meet was the café.

Upon seeing Phyllis overloaded with work, Gwen was hesitant towards her and didn't want to bother her while she had obviously a lot on her plate. Gwen still felt a tinge of guilt inside for leaving her position at the newspaper in more or less a hurry because after her notice, Charles had asked Phyllis to take on some of the secretary duties on top of her other tasks. And Phyllis, being the naturally kind and helpful person that she was, had not objected to the idea. It was easy to see from the outside that the workload she was momentarily struggling with was far above average – Gwen had never before seen any of her former co-workers working after hours – but Phyllis most likely wouldn't complain even if her life depended on it. It was unfair in Gwen's eyes that Charles took advantage of her friend like that, it wasn't as if he hadn't known how thankful Phyllis was for her job at the newspaper and that she would do almost anything to maintain her position.  
"How is the apartment search going?", Phyllis inquired, looking up from the notes in front of her when she felt that Gwen was watching her instead of doing her work. Gwen had told her just the other day that now that she was finally starting university in the fall, she was looking for a place closer to campus than her current room in a shared flat.  
Apparently, the search had not been too successful until now, Phyllis reckoned when Gwen only shrugged in reply. "It's not as easy as I hoped it would be. There are so many more applicants than apartments. I've gone into looking for a shared place again, with money being short and all, you know, but even those are rare to find. If I'm not really lucky soon, I'll be homeless by the start of term."  
Phyllis took a sip of her coffee, then she hurriedly scribbled down a thought that had crossed her mind and she didn't want to lose, before she tried to reassure her friend. "I cross my fingers for you, then. And please don't think I would leave you homeless. You can always crush at my place if you don't find anything."  
Gwen smiled a truly happy smile in return for the offer. It was great to have such a good friend who always cared for her. But with the situation at work and Gwen's own role in it, she didn't want to burden Phyllis further by exploiting her generosity.  
"I know I could, thank you", she said, "still, I hope it won't come to that." Gwen returned to her task of cleaning the tables, leaving Phyllis with her notes. They both had work to do, Ivy's questioning glance over to her had clearly shown her that.  
After quite some time, when the café had almost emptied except for two older men who were laughing about something on the other side of the room – they appeared as if they were sharing memories from a distant past, Phyllis thought – she looked up from her notes, rubbing her eyes that already hurt from the combination of concentrated working and the dim light of the coffee shop. She felt relieved that she had managed to almost finish everything today, and in time to make it to her meeting with Joseph at the school.  
After they had discussed his idea about the book/ writing club, he had asked her if she was willing to join him and the kids for a meeting to tell them about her own job. He said that though they were aspiring writers they also were interested in other career paths, so Phyllis had agreed to come even though she wasn't sure if she was really in the position to tell them much about what she did and how to get there. After all, being blackmailed into a job wasn't the usual way to get where she was. She would definitely not tell the children that.  
Turning around and taking a look out of the big window, Phyllis suddenly saw that it had already gotten dark outside and panicked when it made her realize that she was far too late to even be remotely on time for the meeting. She picked her things up in a hurry and called out her good-bye to Ivy and Gwen who both stood behind the counter, talking to each other. The two looked up to acknowledge her and waved in return.  
The bike ride to the school seemed to be endlessly long, like things normally appeared to take longer than usual when you knew you were late. But Phyllis tried to be as fast as she could, wanting to arrive at least in time to catch Joseph and apologize for forgetting the time. With that thought prominent in her mind, it took her a moment to connect the colorful lights that emerged from ambulances and police cars in front of the school building to the fact that this was exactly where Joseph and the children supposedly still were, when she rounded the last corner before her destination.  
She didn't remember where she left her bike or how she ran over to the building or the moment when she realized that the school house had caught fire, but soon Phyllis found herself in a crowd of strangers, most of them being nosy onlookers of the horrible spectacle. She vaguely heard herself ask random people if they had seen Joseph, not even thinking about the possibility that they most likely wouldn't even know him. Everything was some kind of blur until she felt a calm hand resting on her arm. Phyllis turned around to the person next to her who turned out to be a smaller, friendly looking woman.  
"I'm Anna", she only said, confusing Phyllis even further than the situation already did. "Anna Bates. I'm a friend of Joe's, my husband and I work with him. You must be Joe's friend, Phyllis, right? He's told us about you."  
Phyllis felt she nodded in agreement, finally grasping that the blonde woman was Joseph's friend Anna, little Billy's mother. "Yes, we were supposed to meet here but I was late and … have you seen Joseph?"  
"No", Anna replied, "I haven't. I'm also looking for Billy, he was waiting for me to pick him up here. Normally, he waits with Joe when I work late, I just hope he wasn't in there still when the fire broke out."  
Yes, the fire, Phyllis remembered, "What happened? Do you know how it started?", Phyllis wondered. She, too, was hoping that neither Billy nor Joseph were still in there. She didn't want to think about the possibility of Joseph being locked in the flames. What if …? No, she wouldn't let her mind wander.  
Over the voices around them, they suddenly heard a high voice shout out to them. It was surprisingly clear to hear even though people and machines around them were loud and the voice was not powerful. "Mommy!", a small boy screamed, running away from a police officer and towards the two women.  
"Billy!", Anna shouted back next to Phyllis. She wrapped her arms tightly around the child as soon as he reached their spot behind the barrier the police had put up to keep people from entering the scene. "Thank God you're safe", she told him, hugging him. Phyllis noticed amused how the child struggled out of his mother's hug.  
"Are you alright, dear?" Anna asked, at the same time checking her son's body for any obvious bruises.  
"I'm alright, mommy", he replied and then proudly claimed, "Uncle Joe saved me!"  
"Did he? Where is he, now?" Anna wanted to know, not as much for her own sake but much more for the woman next to her who seemed excessively fidgety, looking around and trying to make out Joe between all the people running around in front of the school entrance. Two ambulances had parked in front and shielded the view from anything going on behind them.  
"He get to see the doctor, they say he's got a – a cushion or something, he was hit by something", Billy told her. His eyes were shining, probably because in his child's world it was some kind of great achievement to get to meet the doctor.  
"A concussion?", Phyllis interfered, worrying even more now that she knew that Joseph was hurt. She only halfway acknowledged Billy's nodding, proud of himself that he remembered the term the doctor had used almost correctly. She was already on her way to the ambulance when she was held back by one of the police officers.  
"Sorry, Ma'm, no public allowed behind this barrier", he told her in a voice that was supposed to imply that he was important.  
"But my friend, he's in there", she said pointing towards the ambulance, and desperate to go there and check if Joseph was really alright except the concussion.  
"No exceptions, I'm sorry Miss", he made his point when Anna interrupted him. "Joe Molesley", she said, showing him that they indeed knew the man who was being treated in the ambulance, "he saved my son here. She's engaged to him."  
"Why didn't you say so right away?", the officer asked them, shaking his head but let Phyllis though, anyway.  
"Thank you", she silently mouthed to Anna before she made her way over to where she suspected Joseph fast.  
"Phyllis, what are you doing here? How did you get through?", Joe shouted over to her when he saw her approaching.  
She smiled at him from afar, walking up to him before she answered cheekily, "We were supposed to meet, don't you remember? And Anna got me through by lying to an officer."  
"Of course, I remember. But you didn't come, so I thought you had changed your mind …", he trailed off.  
Phyllis looked at him with a caring but also sad look in her eyes, "So you thought I wouldn't want to meet with you. Which I don't. I don't not want to – well, I did want to come but I lost track of time and then I was late and when I arrived here, I saw the fire and everything and all I could think of was … Oh Joseph, I was so scared!"  
Tears had formed in her eyes which he tried to stop by calming her down, "Shh, it's alright. I'm alright."  
"But the concussion?", she asked, looking up at him.  
Joe looked confused for a moment before he cleared, "I don't have a concussion, only some bruises, nothing serious. Who gave you that idea?"  
"Billy. He told us that you were quite the hero", Phyllis said, feeling as proud of Joseph now as Billy had been earlier. But Joseph only shrugged it off.  
"Don't shrug that off, what you did was brave and not something anyone would have done. And I'm so glad that nothing happened to you. I wouldn't know what to do if you had been caught in there. Oh, I'm so glad that you're safe. That you didn't …"  
„Phyllis darling, I'm here, and everything is fine, don't worry. Don't cry", he said, softly kissing her head in an attempt to calm her down a bit.  
„Joseph", Phyllis started, looking up at him with tears in her eyes, supposing she must look rather pathetic, „I don't think I want to go on like this. Right now, when I didn't know what was going on, or when the police didn't want to let me through, I knew that this is not the way I want this – us – to be. Being friends with you is not enough for me, anymore. I want to be more to you, because you're so much more to me."  
„Do you think you're ready for this?" Joe wanted to be sure that this was not just some reaction to the unusually emotional situation.  
„No", Phyllis answered honestly after a moment, „But when I just arrived here and didn't know if you were alright, I felt like I was suffocating. And I know I want you around, always. Desperately."  
„I want you around, too", he easily admitted. It was no secret after all.  
„Aren't I silly? For needing something as bad as this to happen to finally make up my mind about us?", Phyllis guiltily smiled upon realizing that she really had needed the fright to act on her feelings.  
Joseph shook his head. No, she wasn't silly at all, he told himself. He didn't have the time to think of anything more, when Phyllis was pulling him down towards her until he felt her lips smiling against his own before she captured them in a loving kiss.  
„And anyway", Joe continued after they reluctantly pulled apart in need for air, „I like it when good things come from bad."


	30. in which everything is good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: „Everything will be good in the end, and if it's not good, it's not yet the end.“
> 
> It's definitely good that this is the end, because there really ain't much more to explore in this story. This should give you a glimpse of how things develop and I wanted Thomas to have his share of happiness, too. And not just in his friendship with Bax but maybe a little bit more …

It had been months since the dramatic incindent at the school that had changed life for Phyllis so much. After she had confessed her love to Joseph, it seemed as if everything else around her conveniently had fallen into place as well. Work was better than it ever had been and her friends all were happy, too.

But that wasn't all, Phyllis thought when she found herself in the middle of Thomas' birthday party in the pub that night. For the first time in forever she was surrounded by honest and friendly people who liked her and whom she liked in return. True, to use Joseph's words for earlier that night, she was still a fish out of water in some regard. She had to smile at the memory of him smiling at her – or rather her outfit – before they had left for the pub. Even though time had served for her to assimilate, Phyllis still tended dress up a little too much. However, contrasting experiences from her past, none of her new friends minded. Instead, they accepted it as a part of her and never commented on it, not even that night when most of the party guests were dressed nicely but simple while Phyllis wore a black evening dress that fell just below her knees and what Thomas would call ridiculously high heels. 

Years ago and back in Manchester, she had felt lost most of the time during parties whenever she stood alone in some corner, which had been most of the time, now that she reflected it. Nothing of that was left any longer, even though everyone around her was momentarily busy. So she took a moment to let her gaze and her thoughts wander.   
There were Andy and Daisy at the bar, engaged in what looked like an interesting conversation with Elsie, though they were also pretty much engaged with themselves.   
Phyllis smiled at the young couple. To her, it was rather ironical that Daisy stood behind the bar that night, serving drinks for everyone, while she herself didn't touch a sip. Not many people knew as of yet but Phyllis had caught the girl a few nights before, on a not so busy evening at the pub, skipping through the pages of a parenting magazine. She was happy for the couple, especially after Daisy had come around her initial suspicion and accepted Andy's friendship with Thomas now. She had even joked about naming her little one after Thomas, but Phyllis doubted she would go through with it. Daisy's love for him didn't go that far, no matter what.

Turning around, Phyllis found herself face to face with a broadly smiling Gwen. Even though the two women now oficially shared a flat they hadn't seen each other in about three days. 

Gwen pulled her friend into a tight hug, greeting her. "Phyllis, I'm so glad you're here, finally! I was starting to worry when you missed the first round of drinks."

"Sorry", Phyllis replied, making an apologetic face, "I was held up. There was a situation at home I needed to take care of, I'll tell you about it later."

Gwen eyed her suspiciously, wondering about that sudden situation she didn't know a thing about. In fact, as far as Gwen knew, Phyllis hadn't even been in their apartment in at least two days, preferring to spend most of her time in the flat next door.

Phyllis however, ignored her roommate's stare, asking her, "Now, where's the birthday boy? Is Thomas here at all or did he choose not to appear at his own party?" 

"Oh, please don't flip now, but that's what I actually came here for", Gwen tried to explain Thomas's absence from the pub, " I think I made a huge mistake. You remember when you told me about Richard and Thomas?"

Phyllis only nodded, urging Gwen to go on. Of course, she remembered given the funny coincidence that Richard was a fellow student of Gwen's in some of her courses.

"After our conversation I met him one day in the cafeteria and mentioned Thomas' party and he seemed a little down that he hadn't been invited, so I said he could come with me. And now, Thomas has locked himself in one of the toilets and won't come out until Richard leaves."

It took a moment for Phyllis to reply, "Maybe it's for the best if the two of you left? Or Richard at least. Can you go talk to him while I try to talk to Thomas?"

"But how could I do that?", Gwen contradicted, "I can't. Not when I know how he feels about Thomas, or when I suspect how Thomas feels about him."

Gwen was right, the men should talk with each other. So, they decided that Phyllis would go and fetch Thomas while Gwen wanted to encourage Richard to be a little bolder. Almost everyone around the two men had noticed that since they had continued to successfully work closely together, they had developed a conection that was a little beyond friendship. It wasn't a secret that they spent some evenings after work together at the pub whenever Thomas didn't desperately want to be alone and Richard could spare some time from his studies.  
Thomas had changed lately, or rather Richard's company had changed him. It wasn't only Phyllis who had noticed how he had been much less grumpy in the mornings after those nights out. She knew from Gwen that Richard handled his sexuality differently. He had grown up in a different environment where people around him had always accepted him and he had barely ever had to struggle because of who he was. He was outgoing where Thomas was reserved and it both helped Thomas and intrigued him at the same time– the latter most likely being the reason he had chosen to retreat once more.

 

"Thomas?", Phyllis called, banging on the door, "Thomas, are you in there? Will you open the door?"

"Stop that terrible banging noise, will you?", came the muffled reply from within the stall. Pretending to be annoyed would have done the trick if it had been anyone but Phyllis standing on the other side and after he said the words Thomas wondered why he had tried in the first place. He had never been able to pretend around her.

Stepping out, Thomas asked if Richard had left and almost turned back around when Phyllis shook her head. "No, he didn't. And he won't leave until you two talked things over. There is a reason why he came here, tonight, and it's not Gwen."

"What good would it do? In the end, I'll only lose another friendship", Thomas replied downcast.

"Maybe, but then at last you can say you've taken a chance. I've taken a chance and it made my life better. I won't say it's always gonna be easy because it's not, but it can work for you, too."

Thomas slumped against the wooden wall of the toilet stall. He looked sad, almost defeated when he managed to form a sentence after a few minutes. "How can you always think so positive? How can you think that I could ever be like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like, be myself and not mind if others talk?"

"It doesn't work like that, Thomas. But you have friends, people who care for you and don't judge you. You just need to focus on that and not let fear control you. We both know what that can do."

Yes, he knew, that was true. He knew from what Bax had gone through where living in fear could lead to. She had lost control of her life and had gone through a big struggle to regain that control. However, Thomas also knew that he wasn't like that. So, what he said was, "Yes, I know, but you're different. You're not like me."

"No, I'm not like you", she offered him a smile, "I'm not even like myself anymore, at least not like I was when we were young. Life might have changed me but it didn't change the way I feel about you – I'm still your friend and I want to help you, like you helped me."

"Then you must know that I'm a tough case", he retorted in an attempt at humour that didn't bring either of them to laugh, "because it's not as easy as you like to pretend."

"Yes, yes it is that easy", came the prompt reply that didn't leave room for objection, "You think things were easy for me because I wasn't confronted with the fear of rejection. But how easy do you think it was to trust someone again to let them so close to me, after everything that happened? I only managed because I learned to accept my past as what it is and not as something that defines me."

When Phyllis saw the look in Thomas' eyes she was sure he wasn't convinced yet so she continued, "Please don't let your sexuality define you as a person. It's a part of you but it's not everything you are. You have to be at ease with yourself before you can expect others to accept you."

For a moment, Thomas simply stared at his friend. He knew deep down that she was right with her little speech and the advice. She had managed to turn her life around completely and still stay who she was. It showed in the little things like how she still cared for him like she had done for the frightened boy who had hidden from his abusive father or how she still wore those fancy clothes to pub parties and hadn't let her past, exclusive lifestyle change how she found happiness in small stuff.

"You're right", he admitted, "of the two of us you've always been the one with the good advice on life. But are you sure about this? Richard, I mean?"

"Do you think I'd do this if I wasn't?", Phyllis smiled at him.

Thomas couldn't not smile back when he shrugged, "Fair question."

 

Later that night, when Thomas and Richard were sat on Thomas's favourite table in the far corner of the pub to talk, Phyllis grinned at the thought that crossed her mind. It was somehow ironical that after weeks of metaphorically dancing around each other at work they were finally ready to admit their feelings for each other on a night of literally dancing.

It wasn't until a few moments later that Phyllis noticed Thomas watching her while she was watching him. She had been so lost in her own world that she hadn't seen the questioning glances he had sent her way. She looked at him a little confused though she doubted that he could even read her expression from across the room, when Thomas leaned in to whisper something in Richard's ear and the couple stood up to walk towards her.

"We're leaving, now", Thomas told her as soon as they had reached her spot, "Don't tell anyone yet, we don't want to bring down the good atmosphere." 

Phyllis knew that it was most likely thanks to Richard that they would steal themselves away in silence. Thomas would have most definitely wanted everyone to gather around him on his own birthday if it hadn't been for the younger man at his side.

She gladly complied to the request and casually told Richard good-bye, then she kissed Thomas on the cheek and whispered with a twinkle, "Have fun! I will call you tomorrow for a full report."

Thomas didn't even bother to pretend to snap around in surprise. He had expected her to tease him in a friendly way just like she expected some provoking remark from him.

"Do what you have to do, Bax", he shrugged, appearing to be unimpressed, "but don't expect me not to nag you about that sparkly new ring on your finger."

Even when she thought that Thomas and Richard had left, Phyllis still stood there in the middle of the room, thinking both about the memory that Thomas' comment had evoked and also about the friendship they shared. It was nice that things were easy again between them.

She barely acknowledged Thomas' return to fetch his almost forgotten jacket until his voice close to her ear brought her back to reality.

"I still think he's a fool most of the time but I know he cares for you."

He didn't need to spell it out that he had understood exactly what change was going on in her life or how happy he was for her. She knew that this was just his way of telling her. It was nice to know that some things would never change.


	31. epilogue - the proposal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I know I said that the last chapter would be the final one. But then the thought of Bax remembering the proposal didn't leave me and as I had outlined the scene in my head anyway, I chose to share it, too.
> 
> Also, in case anyone wonders about this sudden upload of all these chapters - this story was finished months ago, but as I recently decided on writing a bit more about this modern universe, I want this one to be whole here.

It was the night of Thomas' birthday party and Phyllis was past the point of pretending that she would make it down to the pub on time. As usual when she lost track of time, she was getting annoyed at herself and her inability to keep appointments. It was never intentional that she was more than fashionably late, it was more of a strange coincindence that whenever she needed to be somewhere, her clocks decided to work against her.

Right now, she was hurriedly trying to get her hair done, find her shoes and close the zipper of her dress at the same time. Scurrying through Joseph's bedroom, she began to wonder if she had left the blue high heels at her own apartment. There definitely wasn't enough time to continue the search there if she wanted to make it to the party. 

"You put them under the bedside table." Joseph was standing in the doorway, obviously amused by the way Phyllis tried to get ready. He had watched her for a few minutes while she was oblivious to his presence, just admiring her. 

The frown she sent him soon turned into a loving smile. She simply couldn't stay mad at him for long, especially in moments like this when he happened to know exactly how to help her. 

"Thank you", she said, grateful for the tip. "Could you help me with the zipper as well?"

"Sure", he said, walking over to the bedside where she stood, all the time not once taking his eyes off her. Phyllis wore a black, one-shoulder dress that fit her prefectly. For once, she had not pulled her hair up in her customary messy ponytail but had decided to wear it down. She was just tying up the complicated laces of her heels when he sat down on the bed beside her.

"I bet you'll look like a fish out of water in the pub", Joseph muttered to himself but Phyllis heard, nonetheless.

"Do you think I should change?", she asked, suddenly not feeling sure about the outfit anymore.

"No, no please don't", he shook his head, "You are beautiful."

"It's not too much, then?" 

"It's not. It's ... you." 

The happy expression that returned on her face upon the words was enough to make Joseph wonder in awe of the woman next to him. Seeing her like this, in the dim light of an early summer evening and all dressed up, he couldn't understand why she would want to be with him. For a few days already, actually since Phyllis had told him about Andy and Daisy starting a family, the thought of Phyllis and him being bound to each other as well in some way hadn't left his mind. 

Of course, he hadn't mentioned it so it was no wonder that it came out as quite a surprise to Phyllis when he asked her out of the blue.

"Do you ever think about...should we get married?"

Immediately, she turned around from her position to face him. Her expression clearly showed that she wasn't sure she heard him correctly. "Why? Do you think we should?" She retorted, trying to get over the excitement that question brought along.

"Actually,…I think we should, yeah" he began, but noticed soon that his voice failed him once more, like it so often did when he was nervous. After a pause and in a high-pitched voice, he elaborated with a prominent stutter, "I mean, I love you and I want to be with you. I - I guess, you love me, too and I h-hope, you want to-to be with me."

As much as she was shell-shocked at the unexpected proposal, Phyllis knew she had to say something soon. The last thing she wanted was to make Joseph feel as if she didn't want him. 

"Of course, I want you, silly! And I’d love to be married to you, I’m just not sure if… if I’m really what you want or if I really deserve you." Towards the end, she had turned her head downwards in order to avoid Joseph's probably concerned gaze.

He was concerned, indeed, for it hurt him to know that even after all the time, there was still a part of her that didn't think her worthy of his love. "Listen, I know you’ve been hurt and you’re still hurting but please stop doubting yourself. You’re the kindest, most amazing person I know, the only person I have or would ever consider asking to marry me. Mainly, because I never thought that I would ever get to that point in life. But you changed that, you changed my life, Phyllis. And I’ll never not want you, not as long as you’ll have me. So, what do you say?"

While Phyllis blinked away a few tears that had formed in her eyes and now threatened to fall down her face and ruin her make-up, Joseph had fished a ring out of his pocket. It was a simple golden one with a small diamond that had once belonged to his late mother. Years ago, when money had been short he had almost sold it to pay some bills. Now, he was more than happy that it hadn't come to that and that he had acutally found someone he wanted to give that ring to.

When she had collected herself, Phyllis finally told him, "I say yes, of course. I’ll always have you. Don’t you dare think you would ever get rid of me now, after this speech." With a twinkle in her eyes she added playfully, "And now, let’s get going, we’re already late and you know how Thomas can get.“

"Do you...do you think – could I just kiss you before we leave?", Joe asked hesitantly, not quite believing his luck yet.

Phyllis smiled at his cute awkwardness and gave him a quick peck on the lips. Then, before she stood up, she hugged him close and promised, "We’ll celebrate properly when we get home."


End file.
